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"Andy" what the fuck is going on? Who is she? Who is this woman? Why does this woman have my mom's voice? Why does this person look like my mom? Why is she the same as her? Who is she? Who the fuck is she?
"Who are you?" I don't get an answer, nobody says anything, silence surrounds us, but I am surrounded by something other than silence. My thoughts are so fucking loud, they keep wandering through my head like they're crazy. A crazy headache is already making its way into me, making it difficult for me to think or do anything.
"Honey, I'm sorry," his voice forces my attention to him. His eyes are so full of tears that I just can't remember the last time I saw them in this state. How many words I can read, but my God, how much confusion. How much pain...
"Ryan, what the fuck is going on?"
"Andy, I'm sorry..." he approaches me, taking my hand, but my body has a completely different reaction, almost as if my body sees and perceives his movements as dangerous. My hand finds its way onto my stomach, staying there almost protectively. "I'm sorry with all of myself, I didn't know how to tell you," he cries, confusing his words.
I don't understand what is going on? Why is he crying and why is that woman, who, for some reason unknown to me, seems to be so... familiar?She keeps staring at me in the dim light, making it very difficult for me to see her face.
"Son, it's me" the woman comes forward, two steps and she's inside our house.
"No! No, no, no, it's impossible! "
"Andy-" I don't want to admit it, I can't admit it, how can I admit it? How the fuck am I supposed to admit out loud that this is my mom's voice? How? How?!
This is the voice that said to me good morning and good night every day. This is the voice that accompanied me throughout my childhood, that same voice that I looked for in people who had absolutely nothing to do with it. This is the voice that since that day I have always hoped to be able to hear and hear again and again, that voice that I desperately begged to be able to at least hear in my sleep.
"You died years ago" my voice comes out as a shaky and erratic sound, full of... full of too many things.
"I have never died"
"All of this doesn't make a fucking sense. Who are you?" no one says anything, no one dares to take even a step forward. My eyes rest on Ryan, only in this moment I realise how close he is to me, only a few steps separate us.
"I'm sorry" and it's just now that I truly understand what is going on. I can read the truth and all the truth alone the moment my eyes linger on him, reading every single word his eyes don't say, but scream.
I haven't seen such a form of pain in his eyes since I woke up in a hospital bed with our lifeless baby in the crib next to my bed.
"You... you... you knew" something inside me breaks, shatters into tiny, sharp pieces. I don't know what to think, I can't think. All of this is too much, all of this is beyond what an ordinary person can handle.
