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Having him back here, in my arms and being aware of what is happening is fantastic, but what I love most in this moment is being able to be in full control of my emotions and my feelings, and, therefore, being able to live everything 100%.
These days I have heard his voice, his crying, I could see the tears wet his cheeks, I could feel his pain, a thousand times more excruciating than mine. It was as if I were living inside two bodies: mine and his. Although mine, in theory, was supposed to be the one who felt the most pain, it really wasn't, it was his.
"Would you like to tell me what happened?" I convinced him to lie down on the bed next to me, welcoming him in my arms as I wanted from the moment I realized I had told him about the big bullshit that morning.
Thirty minutes spent exchanging a few kisses, a few caresses and many many cuddles, remaining in that comforting silence that is created only and exclusively when I am with him, broken every now and then by a "I missed you" or an "I love you". Nothing more.
"It was Norris" he looks me straight in the eye, this is one of the few times his eyes are so full of words that I can't even read them.
"Norris is in prison"
"Norris hired a guy to hurt me"
"How did he do it? Why did he do it? Why couldn't he just hurt me?"
"I don't know how he did it, but I know the reason is because I make you happy and hurting me means hurting you too. He has already hurt you in the past, now it's my turn... maybe he also knows about our little girl and has thought about using the last tiny piece of heart he has magically left" I must admit that it all happened very quickly. I woke up with some of his kisses, we started arguing and just when I was ready apologizes, with the intention of buying him a red rose, a whole bag with the snacks he loves most, someone rang the door saying that there it was a package for the neighbors who were not at home, I went down and then totally empty. I woke up in a van. What I still can't understand is how this guy, hired by Norris, Viktor, knew I was home... Maybe it's just a stroke of bad luck.
"I want that man dead" Andy is not bad, he is the best person I have ever met; such a statement can make him seem something else, but anyone would think this if they found a ruthless beast instead of a father. Andy has been through hellish years, wanting the architect of all this pain dead is not surprising.
"I know, but you have to promise me that you will stay calm"
"How can I stay calm?" tears fill his eyes, he doesn't know how to handle what he's going through. Too many things happen at the same time, almost massed together and he doesn't know how to handle them.
"I'm here, understand?"
"I was afraid you were gone" something breaks inside me, but slowly it comes together, almost automatically, at the thought that I will never, never, never, never, never leave him. I will not leave him and I will not leave our baby, I will not leave anyone. Leaving is neither what I usually do nor what I want to do with him.
