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Changes. When I was little I was almost scared of changes. These things, in the eyes of the child that I was, were so inevitable and so terrifying. I didn't know then that my life, day by day, would be made up of this. My eyes stare at my reflected figure in the mirror and I see nothing but changes. My skin is different and so is my hair. My eyes look lighter, or maybe it's just the light, my body shapes aren't what they were two weeks ago and not even a month or a year ago. The extra pounds are visible, impossible not to notice them with two lives growing in my womb.
I love these changes.
"Andy?" His voice interrupts the flow of my thoughts. The smile on my face is something that I have been missing in the last few days.
"Yup?"
"Are you okay?" I nod, leaving the bathroom and entering the bedroom. My mind dwells on all the things we are collecting to then put them in the suitcase. Shaun seems to be so focused on the clothes he's folding that he doesn't even notice our presence. Right now he looks even more like his brother.
"What did you want to ask me?"
"I don't remember," Luke chuckles softly as he continues to help me. I like to see him happy, he seems to me almost a different person than the one I see sometimes.
"Mama!" Her ringing voice suddenly echoes across the room. Her smile and her happy eyes are the same as her dad's right now. Yes, she really is a masterpiece.
"Tell me beautiful"
"She wanted to be with you for a while now," he says as I take her in my arms, cuddle her with me and inhale the sweet baby scent that her dad and I love so much. He lets Luna go too, leaving her to her brother Shaun.
"Have you prepared something to eat?"
"It's all ready, I'm going to take a quick shower first" he leaves a kiss first on my forehead and then on that of our little girl, disappearing into the bathroom soon after.
As soon as I turn to Shaun and Luke, I see nothing but an absolutely adorable scene. Luna is the object of their attention and there seems to be only this beautiful little girl and nothing else.
I already know that the Beaumont are naturally predisposed to being parents, despite this every day I receive confirmations upon confirmations. The saddest thing is perhaps the fact that Luke's parents have made him believe over the years that he can never be a good parent. After he came out, his parents only confirmed it. They always used to talk about traditional families with a dad and a mum, they talked and talked only to then divorce and abandon their son: a family divided into three. I had a father who made mistakes in life, more mistakes than anything else, and I know for sure what it means to be a good parent. Luke will be a great dad and so will Shaun.
I sit on the chair, where I keep my clothes, with Luce in my arms because bearing all these kilos put together is not always easy. I watch them from here as they play with Luna, keeping her toys for her and following all the instructions the little girl gives them. I still remember the day Marie told us she was pregnant, no one could believe her. Luna's arrival was as unexpected as that of Luce, the happiness and love she brought to this great family was something unique. One day Luna will come to know how things were inside her family before she was born, one day she will come to know that thanks to her arrival her brother Ryan and her dad have made peace after a very long year of hating each other.
Their eyes are filled with that something that Rye and I have every time we look at our little girl.
This family is proof that being young does not mean not knowing how to take care of a child or, as in our case, almost three.
At their age, Rye and I had already entered this world as wonderful as it was scary, yet, as hard and difficult as it was, if the two of them were to become parents we would know from the start that the choice is the right one
When Shaun and Luke are left alone with Luna or Luce, or both, they do an amazing job. They seem like they were born to be parents and I honestly don't have a hard time believing that they are.
Suddenly I hear his voice calling me from the bathroom, the water in the shower is no longer a background sound and this is enough to make me understand that he's done.
Luce stays with Shaun and Luke and immediately begins playing alongside Luna. It is strange to think that the two of them are actually aunt and niece and will probably never live their life as such. The two of them are like two best friends more than anything else... Sometimes we wonder what the future will be like for the two of them, how they will live this relationship.
"Come here" is the first thing he says to me as soon as I open the bathroom door. Everything around us is completely immersed in the heat of water vapour, the glass and windows are fogged up and the heat that surrounds me is simply pleasant.
"Yeah?" My voice comes out almost like a sigh, something confused and full of whatever the scene in front of me is carrying me inside.
"Luckily we are married, otherwise you would have to take lots of photos from all angles" step by step his warm body is ever closer to mine, his breath I feel it almost mingles with mine until it becomes one .
My body is crossed by shivers upon shivers as his hand touches my bare arm, climbing up to my cheek and remaining here doing nothing. His naked body, warm, wet and full of droplets, shining with the light, is all I can see. It looks like the statue of a Greek god just found in the seabed. If this isn't as close to perfect as it gets, then I just don't know what it could be.
"Will you help me put the cream on my back?" His smile is on my lips and I can't stop myself from kissing him, but then why should I hold back?
I taste on his lips that flavour that I am so addicted to, not letting go until I feel satisfied. Who knows if the day will ever come when I will come to understand how it is possible to be so lucky.
With the towel still around his waist, he sits on the wooden stool we keep in the bathroom, looking at me in the mirror while I take the bottle of cream that he has just opened. I pour some on my hand and then spread it all over his back. It smells good, intense and delicate at the same time. It appears to be aloe and almonds. His warm skin in contrast to the cool cream causes a pleasant sensation to me as much as it does to him. I feel and see the muscles in his arms slightly contracted, his smooth skin in some places crossed by slightly curly black hair. The only thing I can really focus on is his eyes. This deep brown overflow with love for me.
"How was work?" I ask after a few minutes spent spreading the cream on his back, completely lost in the vastness of this colour as beautiful as it is unique.
"Everything is fine. I served customers, took their tips and was nice to even those who weren't." As soon as his words are out, he takes my hands in his making me turn to him. The only thing he does is look at me smiling, that's all.
"Why are you staring at me?"
"Because you are so beautiful" he brings me towards him, lightly and gently tugging on my wrists until I get to sit on him. He places both hands on my bump, touching a few points here and there until he gets an answer from our little ones.
"They kicked a lot today" if possible his smile gets even bigger and I can't help but save this sweet image deep in my heart.
"Who knows if the day will ever come when I will understand how you make me so happy," I am lost in his eyes, but he is lost in the movements of our babies. He talks to them and plays with them just as if they were born and they kick and kick, using the little strength they have left of the day. Arya and Noah recognize when their dad is interacting with them and it will be my feeling or it will actually be like this, but these two kick even harder when he's on the other side.
"Kiss me" just a split second after our lips begin to warm each other. An explosion of love is all I feel in the soft and smooth skin of his mouth.
"The best conversations are those with no space between the mouths" he murmurs between kisses, pushing me even further against him with a strength that only he can make sweet.
It is the doorbell that interrupts this magical moment. He laughs softly on my lips, making me feel butterflies in my stomach. Every day with him seems like the first.
"This is Robbie"
"Him and his perfect timing," he chuckles, holding me tightly to him before letting go to get dressed.
I only have time to close the door and immediately I find myself tight in an embrace that I did not think I had missed so much. His scent, which smells of family, is the only thing I can concentrate on as he hugs me tightly to him.
"I missed you"
"I missed you too"
"Where's Rye?"
"Right here" as soon as she hears his voice he runs towards him, hugging him as if they haven't seen each other for years. Their relationship is something unique, the same as when they were little, only now they are adults. It's sweet to see them together, it makes me feel good because I know he's even better when he's with his brother. Shaun and Sammie are always here with us, he gets to see her sister, the sister she always wanted, more than we thought was possible, but with Robbie things are different. The two of them are no longer able to see each other as before, video calls are not always enough.
When he and I got together, I felt like I was taking away the most important thing of his life: his family. Things weren't easy back then, the relationship with his father made everything else more difficult than it already was, and yet, despite the fact that he always swore to me that he was happier with me, I always felt as if I were increasingly distancing him. from his family. When Rye and I broke up, I told him to go back to them because I knew they were lacking like oxygen. But now things are different because the two of us have a baby and two on the way.
"Dinner is ready," says Emma as she walks into our room with Leo in her arms. Leo's happy smile looks so much like his mum's. Luckily Leo looks more like his mum than his biological dad.
All the children are put in their seats, food on the table and finally all seated together. Whenever we eat together, and it happens very often, I still feel in me that feeling that I experienced the first time in years when I sat at the table with other people, the first time I ate with someone who was not me. It is incredible to think about that day, it seems an eternity has passed, but only four years have passed. Luna was not born yet and she wasn't even planned, Shaun and Sammie were like children, Robbie was a boy unsure about his future, he did a job that wasn't made for him, Ryan just knew he loved me, everything else was a doubt and then there was me, the strange boy who was excluded and suffered all kinds of violence. How things change.
They think it's a problem to cook for everyone, to always have them for lunch or dinner, but what they haven't figured out yet is that we love having them here.
"What's up?" His whisper is something audible only to me who are close to him, but Luke's expression, radically different from that of a few seconds ago, would be visible even from metres away.
"They refused my job request" without adding a word, he turns off his cell phone, putting it in his sweatshirt pocket and taking a sip of his water.
"It was the last one, wasn't it?" He nods, deciding not to look at anything other than his boyfriend's eyes, probably because there he finds a form of comfort that he would certainly not find elsewhere, or, perhaps, for the simple reason that he is afraid to make eye contact with us.
"How many places have you contacted?" Asks his brother, cuddling Leo between one bite of food and the next. Nobody would say that Sammie is not Leo's biological dad for the simple reason that they look so much alike. Leo has many characteristics that he seems to have taken from him. The colour of the eyes and their shape are literally the same, the smile is something between Emma and Sammie's. It is really bad to think that this little masterpiece was born from abuse, but thinking about it it is growing with the love of two people who love each other.
"Seven places, Sammie, and in five of them they refused me. This bar was my last hope"
"Not everything is lost" his left hand holds his boyfriend's hand tightly, their bracelets with each other's initials touch each other, trying to give him the hope that he believes is lost.
"There are so many other places we can contact" I intervene, knowing perfectly, like Rye, what he is going through. They are following a path very similar to ours, but the help they have is different.
"Have you tried to contact all the bars on the street near the hospital?" Rye asks.
"Yes, there are four or five bars there, some pizzerias. You've tried?" He repeats in a hopeful tone, getting the answer from Luke he hoped to receive.
"No"
"Now we're just gonna eat and then tomorrow we're trying to contact these places there. Okay?" He nods, letting himself go to the sweet touch of his boyfriend's lips. A kiss that teems with love even if it doesn't last more than a few seconds.
"Now can we please talk about something else?" He asks with a smile sweet enough to make my heart melt. This boy is special, unique, precious and I am truly sorry for his parents. They have given birth to an absolutely wonderful person and I'm sorry for them to know that they are not part of this. Getting away from their son was the worst decision they could have made, but it was their choice. I am proud to be here and to see him grow up.
***
"It was a busy day" he exclaims smiling, crawling on the bed next to me."Soon I'll let her go" but this soon seems not to want to arrive. It's strange to think that someday she won't need me or her dad anymore, but now that thing hasn't changed yet, letting go is turning out to be pretty hard. Having her in my arms and cuddling her is one of the many things I've always had. "Mi niña hermosa" he adds with a fatherly smile that I have never seen in anyone but him.
"Starting all over again with the twins is the right thing" he whispers as he leans his head on my shoulder without doing or saying anything.
Having a baby girl was the best gift I could ever want. Live our little girl day by day, feel the beating of her little heart, smell her baby scent, see her cry and smile, change her diaper, listen to her noises when she drinks milk and millions of other facets of her that make me tremble in the heart. When you become a mom or dad it's really true... your perception of love changes. This is precisely the love that everyone is talking about. I don't know how I can explain how many emotions and sensations we feel just looking at our little Luce in the eyes.
"Do you remember all the ultrasounds and visits?" His hand gently finds its way to our little girl's face, leaving a tender and small caress. "Wow how we looked at it," he sighs, completely lost in this little masterpiece "how many questions did we ask ourselves..." How will it be? Blonde? Curly? And her eyes?" Or when she smiled and waved at us..."
"And now she is here, in my arms, holding your finger just like she did when she was born"
"Now I understand when my mom used to tell me that time flies""Yeah... time flies"
"I am proud to have chosen you as the dad of our children" his shiny eyes reflect mine while his lips do nothing but rest, with the delicacy of a rose, on mine. A little kiss full of love is what unites us.
"Thank you for making me a dad"
A/N I would say this is just a filler chapter because nothing really important happend but it was also very sweet especially in some parts. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it❤
