Tutored By The Bad Boy

Chapter Thirty Seven: Tears Before Happiness

Emily's POV
A boulder grew in my chest as we drove back from the game. I was scared to confront my mother.

But I needed this.

I deserved to feel welcomed, loved, in my own home. My mother and father were never around, I never really had any friends. These past 16 years, I've lived in a empty shell of a home.

I've always known it, but was always too scared to confront it.

But with Nash, with everyone, I finally found a place where I feel loved. I needed this. I wanted this.

"What do you think Emily?" Hayes asked, steering me out of my thoughts. "Huh? Oh... Uh... Ya." I said, not really paying attention. What did he ask again?

"You weren't paying attention were you?" Shawn asked, slightly frowning. I sighed. "Sorry. I-I-" I just huffed and gave up. "No, I wasn't."

Emma smiled at me. "That's fine. We asked if you wanted to have pizza or burgers." "Oh! Umm... Doesn't matter to me." I replied.

"I say we get both." Samantha said, smiling.

"Are you trying to get diabetes?!" Shawn asked her. Everyone laughed as Samantha retorted: "Listen, food is my LIFE!!"

I sighed as we pulled in the driveway. Nash cut the engine and everyone got out. I watched as Cameron wrapped his arm around Samantha's waist. Hayes chased Emma inside as Grace and Shawn laughed about something together.

I sighed again. I then realized Nash beside me. "Em? Are you... Can I.... Is everything alright?" He asked, his blue eyes soft.

I gulped. "Yeah, just- just nervous." I felt Nash's hand cover mine. His hand were soft and smooth, his thumb traced my knuckles.

"She's your mother. You can always talk to her." Nash replied. I breathed out a slight breathe.

"Maybe your mom. Not mine." I felt the tears coming, but held it in. "My moms... Different. She isn't around. She doesn't listen. Don't get me wrong, I love her, she loves me... But... Ugh... It's just hard." I said, running my hands through my hair.

"It's gonna be okay... She's going to understand."

"Ya.. Ya. Maybe you're ri-" I started, finally feeling good. To bad my mothers car rolling up ruined it. Suddenly all the worries came back, hitting me like the front of her black mustang.

"You gonna be okay?" Nash asked, his hands steadying mine. I had no idea my hands were shaking.

I nodded, and got out of the car. It's now or never. I breathed in as I approached her, her eyes glued to her phone. I cleared my throat.

"Mom. We need to talk." I said, my voice surprisingly steady. "Of course honey! What is it?" She asked, not looking up.

"I want to move to Cameron and Graces. I want to go live down there and finish my school work. Find a place on my own. I want to know someone's there for me. I want to go there." I said, seeming more interested in my hands than her eyes.

"What?!" She snapped, her eyes shooting to me. "Emily Katherine Diaz!! You want to leave me?! Leave your father?!"

I grimaced. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. "Mom. I love you, you know that. But you and dad aren't ever home. You never take me with you, I'm here alone 90% of the time." Tears formed in my eyes as I spoke.

"I want to go up there. Be around people who pay attention to me. To live a life I want." I said, my voice cracking.

"I can change! Emily," she said, tearing up. "We can spend time together!! Just don't leave." Her eyes looked vulnerable and hurt.

In that moment, I knew how much my mom loved me. She loved me like a daughter, although she didn't know how to show it.

She was raised the same way I was. Rich. She raised herself. I didn't want that. I needed someone there. Being alone didn't sound that great to me.

"Mom." I said, tears streaming down my face. "I have to."

My mother just nodded, getting out of the car. "If that's what you want." She breathed, running her hands though my hair. "Oh Emily, my Emily. My baby girl. I love you so much. Please know that. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Tears wetted my shirt as she began crying in my shoulder. I sniffled, taking in every word. All the words from a woman who I thought didn't care about me.

I was so wrong.

She loved me, she needed me. She needed me as much as I needed air. But it was something I had to do. It hurt her, it hurt me.

But sometimes you have to cry before you smile.

If I learned anything from that moment, the moment where my thought process got flipped upside down, it was that.

Pain before laughter. Tears before smiles. Self sacrifice for hope. For happiness. I knew it hurt right now, but it also felt amazing.

My mother accepted me for my decision. That took strength. I was her only child, her only flesh and blood.

My mother was strong. She was beautiful. In that moment, I knew something. I took after my mom.

Her words echoed in my head as we stood there, hugging and crying. Not for pain, but for happiness. The words bounced off my brain, giving me strength. Not only hers, but the lesson. The most important lesson I have ever learned. The most important lesson I would learn.

Sometimes you have to cry before you smile.

A/N
Hey!!! Writing this chapter means so much to me. It's a lesson that I've learned and its so important to me.

I hope you guys liked it as much as I did.

UPDATES ARE SOOO MUCH MORE FREQUENT NOW!! I'M SO HAPPYYYY!!

Anyway, don't forget to favourite, comment and share with your friends!! Oh! And don't forget to check out Dakota's book 'Our Kind Of Love'!! The intros are up and the first chapter is in the works!!

It would mean so much to me if it did as well as this book!!

Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter!

Xoxo,

-Kat☄