365 DAYS 365 TALES

The Seven Steps

Beyond the blaring of the percussions and the 'daval' and me dressed in my beautiful silk saree (I am partial to Banarsee silk these days. Got over the Kancheevaram's finally), I could see my friend Anne mouth something to my mother. 

And, I heard nothing.

I could see the happiness in Anne's face as she was watching the marriage ceremonies and I really felt unbearably old. I come to marriages for a very important reason – To compare my sarees with the others and see exactly how far down I am on the fashion sense (Though that job goes to my daughter. One of the reasons, I have zero interest in fashion is that my fan club is right at home and always ready to tell me how I got my hair wrong or the colour of saree wrong, even before I can try it out. And from what I have heard, I really need a lot of work on it.)

'Do all Indian marriages have these ceremonies?' Anne asked mom as she was watching the ceremonies before us with great interest.

Ok, that was a question I have not heard in almost twelve years. Seriously, who comes to marriages to see the marriage itself. That is the sodding job of the guys getting married. I have been there before and I am honestly never going there again. Policy decision.

'Most of the Indian marriages have them.' My mom said, as the three of us walked outside the marriage hall. 

This move seemed slightly better for my headache.

'The fire thing, what is that?' Anne asked, as she came out with us, looking back a little excited.

'We sanctify our marriage relationships with fire.' My mom said. In case you are wondering, she really knows this stuff by heart.... 'The couple takes seven steps around the fire.'

'Seven?' Anne was really curious. Almost an disinterested as I was with the thing. Seriously, after hearing something for the fifteenth time, it is practically impossible to generate that level of interest to even pretend that you are listening anymore.

'It is not just that.' My mom said glaring at me. She probably just realized that I was back to day dreaming mode. (And I completely blame my mom for that. She has been with my my whole life now. And I have never listened to her. What does she expect now? That the stars would change course and I would start listening?)

'The priests who intone in the background – they are making prayers to the Almighty on behalf of the couple. One prayer for each step around the fire.' My mother said.

I blinked. That was new. I pretended not to pay attention, which was getting kind of difficult as my mom continued. 'The first step signifies that that the couple pray so that they would be together and have good nourishing food for the rest of their lives. In the second step the couple ask for strong, physical, spiritual and mental health from God.' My mom smiled as me, as she finally realized I was paying attention, as I mentally sighed. My mom continued. 'After food and health, the next obvious thing – Wealth. The couple prays for wealth and they pray for strength so that they can share life completely with each other. That translated means that they share whatever life has to give them – both happiness or sorrow.'

'What does the fourth step mean?' I asked unable to stop myself and then realized that as usual I had a big mouth and I tipped my hand and showed my mom I was paying attention.

My mother grinned as I sighed. I was never going to hear the end of this one....

'The fourth step signifies for increase in love and respect for each other and each other's families.' My mother continued. 'So now, after health, food and wealth, the next thing – children. The couple pray to God for strong and noble heroic children. In the sixth round, the couple ask for a peaceful long life with each other.'

Anne was excited. I am not going to admit it, but so was I.

'In the last step, the couple pray for companionship, togetherness, loyalty and understanding between themselves. They ask God to make them friends for life and give them the strength to carry through this friendship for their life.' My mother finished and she was looking very proud of herself.

I watched my mother – so that was what a marriage was all about – Companionship, Loyalty, Friendship, Respect and Understanding....

And that was when I realized what it was that my mom and dad had with each other. Or even what I had with my husband. Though I have been married only for ten years, I realized the whole concept. I mean it was impossible not to. When you are with a person for a reasonably long time, there is invariably a time (many times actually), when you feel like yelling at the person, screaming at them, shouting at them for being such jerks....But then that does not mean the end of it, does it? For every such time when you feel let down, another inexplicable event which reminds us the thoughtfulness of the person comes to mind - another event, where the person made us feel special comes to mind...

And that is what a marriage is all about. The sum of all days....At the end, the plus of being with the person outweighs the minus of being away from the person and you end up putting the bad events behind you and are willing to start afresh.

But honestly it was Anne's sentence which kind of answered the question for me. 'No wonder you ask the Powers-That-Be for all this, in a marital relationship. If you are going to expect all this from a marriage of ordinary mortals, True Love would be a myth.....'

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(06/05)