365 DAYS 365 TALES

The Incomplete Letter

"Mrs. Khanna, do you need anything else, before I start to home?," the chubby nurse asked me, a sweet smile coating her lips.

I admired that smile. At the end of the day after long hours of work, the nurse's face always exhibited nothing but kindness and care. How can she do that?  I'd asked myself umpteen times, without much of an idea.

"No, my dear. That smile is what I needed and now that I'm satisfied, I don't want to keep you to myself," I said waving my wrinkled hands.

"Ah! Aren't you a sweet darling?," the nurse beamed, waving me goodbye.

That was when I remembered, I left my most potential companion for the night, somewhere near the table. I needed it desperately. But I couldn't get it myself, with my bad legs. The nurse usually tugged me in the bed before she left for the night.

The nurse was about to close the door, while I tried to sit up, stretching my shaking hand before me, to call her back. Before I could open my mouth, she had left, closing the door behind.

I sighed and leaned back on my pillow, How could I forget it?  I scolded myself. Lying on the bed, I watched the ceiling fan, swiveling slowly without making any noise, serene and calm. My life, once was the same like that of the fan, revolving around my family, my everything.

The memories flooded me, choking me with all the beautiful and saddest moments I shared with my husband, my first born - a girl, and my son, Divagar.

The day I got married - I remember, I was shy and beautiful as a bride should be. He took my hands in his, and never left it till the day he died, forty-seven years later. It was an arranged marriage, but I slowly fell irrevocably in love with him and he loved me too. But I pulled myself together after his loss, for the sake of my son.

The day I was conceived with my first child - We were so happy, that he actually lifted me up and swiveled us around.

The day I delivered my first born, my little girl who was as beautiful as a morning sun. We cherished her as our everything, till she was bedridden at her first birthday. Soon, we gave her into the hands of the Almighty. She was and till today  living in my heart.

Few years later, when we thought we could cope up with our girl's loss, I had my son, Divagar. From the moment he was born, he became my world. I poured in affection and care, lavishly. Mom, there is no world without you, for you're my world, he used to say from his childhood, and never ceased to remind me.

After my husband's death, I breathed and walked around for the sake of him, and his kids - two lovely grandchildren. But the day for my departure came, in the form of my daughter-in-law. She didn't want to shoulder the burden, and I accepted, because I was not her load to carry.

After all, I wanted my son to lead a happy life with his family. I was not a part of his family anymore; I'm just an old hag, who needed support for her basic needs.

Divagar, himself bought me to this place; an elderly home of sort, with hospital and every other sophistication an old woman needed. The last moments with Divagar was a torture. I couldn't contain my tears that were threatening to spill at any moment. I hopelessly wished he would take me with him.

He held my hands, like he used to hold them when he practiced to walk with his tiny little feet, when he walked up and down the stairs, when he felt sad, when we were in the market, shopping together...

Promising that he would visit me every other weekend, he removed his hands gently from mine. My hands started to shake, as it had lost its support. The hands that clinged to mine for more than thirty-five years, backed away leaving me to wade in my own tears.

Pretending to be happy was too much at the beginning, but as days passed, I had accustomed to the place.

Weekends passed, but he never visited...

The memories were no good to my bad condition. That was why I needed my companion for the night. I slowly sat up, and removed the covers wound around me. As I moved my skinny, wrinkled legs out of the bed, they started to shake profusely. For a minute, I thought of going back to bed, under my warm covers.

Something pushed me to decide against it. I slid down the bed, which was laborious and took all of my energy. However, I staggered towards the table, where I left my dear friend.

Once near, I stopped to rest my legs for few seconds, which was in excruciating pain. You can do this. You must... I kept repeating to myself. With few more steps, I did it... I retrieved my aide from one of the drawers. The honey coloured leather was soft under my delicate touch.

It held my memories, my happiness, and sadness; everything I had crossed in my glorious life. It is my Journal.

Along with all the things he possessed, he held on to a letter, which I wanted to write for my son, my Divagar. But I couldn't do that, no matter how hard I tried. For more than nine months, the incomplete letter stayed there, at the first pages of my diary.

I couldn't return to my bed, so I just dragged the chair towards me, and sat, catching my breath. My legs ached, as I walked a considerable distance without aid. I sat there clutching to my knees for a few seconds, before I willed to finish the letter.

Dear Son,

I wish to see you for one last time, as I'm afraid my days are numbered. I don't want to disturb your peace, but I just want to hold your hands for one last time.

The letter said it all, but I had thousand other things to tell him, to my little boy. No matter how old he got, he was still a little boy to me. I took the pen I had in the diary, and it lingered over the letter, never actually touching the paper to spill the ink. Words failed me. And the stress of finishing it was unbearable.

A sharp pain emanated from my left hand, quickly coursing through the veins, reaching my chest in no time. My body couldn't take up such intense pain, and I collapsed to the ground, along with the diary. My cheek was on the ground, my hands still clutching the chest, and I gasped to keep my lungs filled.

The letter whirled in the air, and slowly fell on the ground before me. My eyes saw it, but my brain wouldn't take up the signal, as it was completely engaged in the raving pain that shook my being. My eyes closed involuntarily, dragging me into the abyss, my letter remained incomplete, forever.

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AtheScrivener