365 DAYS 365 TALES

Lost Desire

It was her birthday. The facebook showed it in the upcoming events, a couple of days ago. She was supposed to be a friend, or I expected her to be. That however didn't turn out well. We ended up as two strangers in each other's facebook list.

Once I tried to text her, but she claimed she was out with her boyfriend. I just dropped the whole texting thing since she was not making an effort to do so. I was staring at the Today's Birthday page, contemplating whether or not to wish her.

Baby this is what you came for... My ringtone distracted me. It was him. I didn't know what to call him though - A well wisher? A life long friend? A comrade in arms? There was actually no relationship status between me and him, it was way beyond mere relationships.

My muscles twitched on my face, forming an easy smile on seeing his name on the screen. Well, not his real name but the pet name I used to call him - Chottu.

"Hey whatsup? I didn't expect you to call me today," I chirped enthusiastically.

"Why wouldn't I call you? You're my bestie after all," he chuckled. "Besides, I want you to be at the party tonight. Don't be late. Seven at my place," he invited before our goodbyes and hanging up.

It was like my world was lit up all of a sudden, with million watts of light. I was grinning like an idiot for almost half hour, after his call, staring at my laptop screen blankly. He didn't forget about me after all, I chanted to myself all the while.

It was not like we had talked everyday for the six years we had been together. But somehow he knew when I hit my low and needed a shoulder to lean on. He would walk in to my life and made it better. Every single time when I was suffocating to hold the grip on my life, he stood there like a support.

However, with his new job, new girl friend, and new life, I couldn't expect him to be there for me like he did before. When he called, it was like a natural energy coursing through me.

The doorbell brought me back to my senses and I leapt out of my chair to see who that untimely intruder might be. And it turned out to be some senseless mails that kept pouring every day. Throwing them on the couch, I made my way to the laptop again. Plopping down on the chair, I saw the page and the cursor blinking, like it had been waiting patiently for years.

"Okay! Here goes nothing!" I whispered to myself and posted 'Hpy Bdy, my dear Cousin :-)' on her wall.

The day went on in a blur, as the excitement for the party consumed my senses for any other petty things happened that day.

It was time for the party when I realised I need to get a gift. Shit! Shit! Why didn't I ask what the party is for? Now how am I gonna get anything? I cussed at myself repeatedly.

Impatiently roaming around the living room a few times, did actually work. I knew what I had to take with me. And I understood, why people walk in circles when they were pissed.

I was quick to leave my apartment, all dolled up and enthusiastic. My palms remained sweaty however, and I was jumping in my own skin. What's wrong with me? I bit my nails, driving my car in one hand, thinking about meeting Chottu all the while.

Is it about meeting him? Or the party? What's throwing me off? I tried to figure it out, in vain. Sucking up deep, I disregarded the 'over thinking' option and focussed on the road ahead.

But instead, I walked down the memory lane - looking into the past when we first met six years ago, the times he took each step alongside me, the places where he held my hands, protected me from the slips.

"That is one fantastic person I have in my life," I told myself and smiled.

By the time, I had reached his house and parked in the available lot. I walked towards the door, wiping my hands on my jeans. The music hit me before I had reached for the knob, and people's rumble was erupting through the walls. Taking a deep breath, I stepped in.

"You're right on time!" I was hauled into a bear hug, his embrace
warm and welcoming. I beamed, my head resting on his chest.

"Come on..." he dragged me through the mass of dancing bodies, to a table.

"Wait here," he yelled over the blasting sound and I handed over my gift to him, before he walked away with the gift still in his hand.

I made small movements to the tune while I waited for him to return. In the next few seconds, he returned back towing someone along. It can't be! Is that his new girlfriend? What in the hell!

I stood there frozen, like Elsa. The true love's kiss had happened, not to thaw my little soul, but to heat up their desire. He and his so called girlfriend/my cousin kissed in front of me, while an inexplicable feel weighed over my heart.

All of a sudden, he was on his knees with a little box on his hands. The crowd cheered louder that could shatter the building. However, my ears didn't feel the eruption, my heart did.

Everything and everyone was in slow motion, or my mind was playing trick on me. My legs felt like jelly that would give away at any time. There was so much happiness outside me. I was the only one feeling gloomy. The girls near me jumped, clapped and shrieked, watching the most romantic scene unfolding before them.

My cousin was full of laughter and joy. A guy near them opened the gift I gave to him a few minutes ago, a perfect gift for the perfect occasion - a champagne. The foam burst out celebrating along with them.

The very minute I understood, why I was so nervous. Why my heart fluttered to see him. Why I was sad that I couldn't be with him like before. But some words are left unsaid for good.

I trudged through the crowd and walked out of the door, feeling the fresh air gently stroking my scorching skin. Shoving my hands into my pockets, I moved away not only from the house but also from the desire I had lost because of my ignorance.

******

AtheScrivener