fight for control ↠ harry styles [b1] ✓

CHAPTER 46

Renleigh Kensington

He knew what I had done.

He knew that I went behind my ex's back to deal drugs to my housemates.

He knew that I got rid of a baby that once developed inside of me.

He knew I was touched and kissed by men against my will.

He knew what I had done and what had happened to me and yet, he still looked at me the same.

He looked at me with light green eyes that flickered all over my face as if there was not enough time in a day for him to memorise all parts of it. He looked at me with his mouth slightly apart and pouted, lips coated in his saliva from all the times he licked them. He looked at me with his eyebrows slightly furrowed as he tried to understand how I felt without asking any questions and without me having to say anything.

"Did it give you the butterflies, huh?"

He knew.

I had no idea how but he knew.

A lot has happened between us yet it felt like it was nothing. It all went down in a short amount of time and it still caused a lot of feelings to be felt and a lot of stories to be told. I felt like all of me was out in the open yet there was barely anything out there. I shared things that no one knew other than the people involved. I shared things that I kept to myself for all these years and although it was hard to let go of them, I knew I needed to. I held them and babied them for way too long, it almost felt like a piece of me went missing.

He had it.

That piece.

I felt weird when I thought of it. It never occurred to me that I would ever share these memories with anyone. At least, definitely not the way that I had. Willingly. As if I tried to prove something to him... prove to him that I trusted him, maybe?

Ever since he told me he didn't think I trusted him half as much as he trusted me, I just felt like I had to prove him wrong. It was silly, really, I never had it in me to want to change how people viewed me but the possibility of the wrong image of me being implanted in his brain just rubbed me the wrong way.

Perhaps because he was the first person to ever listen to me and hear me out. Perhaps because he was the first person to only demand answers when it affected him. Perhaps because he was the first person, I wanted to let in.

So, yes.

The way he looked at me, did give me the butterflies.

"Fuck," I mumbled to myself when I undid my seatbelt and opened my door. I had to unlock the gates to drive up to our house. Well, my old house. Which was actually my grandparents'. But I grew up here. It was all very complicated. "Alright, well, it looks like someone's here already," I let Styles know when I got back in the car.

"I didn't know you lived in the middle of nowhere..." he commented as he looked out the window. I did kind of use to live in the middle of nowhere. A bunch of trees around, a lot of green space. It was very different to how I lived now. In a penthouse, in the city.

Quickly, I got back out and closed the gate before me. If I had to go through the trouble of opening it and closing it to get in, then others had to as well.

"Yeah, well, I don't think anyone knows that," I sighed as I drove down the little road to get to the house. Frustrated, I bit down on my back teeth when an unfamiliar car caught my attention. From afar, I thought it was my grandparents' car then we got closer and that theory was no longer up for a debate. It was a red Mercedes, with an 18-number plate and unless this was one of my uncles showing off with a brand-new car, I had no idea who was at our house.