Her Voice / han sanghyuk (#14)

Episode 34

Sanghyuk

I sat down on the bedroom floor, just thinking of nothing but everything that happened that day, that day where I lost everything there and I had nothing left. It hurts to remember what exactly happened and I hated all the people who did that, the people who failed to save my grandmother from dying, the people who wanted me to stay home and do nothing because I haven't been eating right and lastly the person that knocked down my grandmother with a car.

I can't believe that my grandmother left me just like that, without even saying anything or goodbye, I didn't even get to eat the dinner that she has planned to cook and now she is gone forever and she is never going to come back ever again. All because of that stupid person who didn't obey the traffic rules.

There was a knock on the door and I looked up towards the door, I don't want to answer that right now but she keeps knocking without any signs of stopping. Does she know that there is no point in doing it? "Mind your own business and go to work or something! I am fine on my own and I don't need any help with anything!"

My older sister dragged me back home hours after the doctors declared my grandmother is not going to come back ever again and she is gone, Jooeun told her to pick me up because I refused to go home to wash up and I needed to eat but I could care less about that. My favourite person in the world is not here anymore and I don't know how I would live my life, nothing is the same without my grandmother and no one can ever replace her.

I don't know how I will live without her from now on, she is the one who makes my life easier for me, she is the one who raised me and was patient with me all the time and she never tried to kick me out of the house because I ate too much food and I am going to make her money run out before the end of the month. She would always try to stop all the squabbles that I had with my older sister and set up a thinking chair where we would sit back to back until we apologize to each other, we still do that till now and I must say that it has helped me amend relationships better than I had expected.

Because of the little tradition that we had, I rarely fight with her and that is why I still go to her for advice even though I often regret my decisions after that because she would make me agree to weird things and she would take pictures of me as proof that I have done what she wanted me to do, it is hard to say no because she is an expert at such things and sometimes my grandmother would intervene and stop my older sister from doing such nasty things to me. In our family of 3, she is the one who is the middle man that stops me from going too overboard but she won't be able to do that anymore from now on.

Our family of 3 will go down to my older sister and me and I don't know how to handle this, I am so used to having my grandmother take care of everything that happens in the household and suddenly she is gone and I am at a total loss, I am so used to my grandmother and now she is gone, my older sister could take up the responsibility of being the head of this family but she will never do a better job than my grandmother, only my grandmother could save us from this chaos but she is not here anymore.

There was someone knocking on the door and I wiped my tears away, looking at the door. There could only be one person who will do that and it is my older sister since she is my only relative now, I don't consider my birth parents as part of my family because they didn't take care of me and my older sister and they threw us to our grandmother who then took care of us for the next 10 years or less until the end of her life.

She continues to knock and I started to get annoyed as well but I am not in the mood nor have the strength to go open the door for her, and it is not like she can't open the door herself. She is not the only person who lives and has a spare set of keys for every room, and she wouldn't be embarrassed to open her own younger brother's room without asking for any permission before entering, she does that all the time and it would be weird for her not to do that.

I dragged myself to open the door expecting that I would see my older sister at the door telling me to snap out of it and move on with my life but it was someone else who was behind the door. Now I know why she was knocking the door for... "Go home, I don't need anyone to take care of me. I am fine on my own, you don't need to worry about that." I told her and she didn't move at all, still standing there and smiling at me.

It took her a few seconds for her to analyze the state that I was in and the condition of my bedroom and she made her way in, carrying something in her hands as she set it down on the table, it was food and she prepared all for me but I seriously don't have the appetite to eat.

"I don't want to eat, don't you understand? I don't care if my older sister put me in charge to take care of me but I don't need your help! I can do it on my own! Don't leave me alone!" I shouted at her and her smile faltered as she stares at me for a short second before coming closer to me and gave me a comforting hug.

I blinked, suddenly confused over the entire situation when I felt something wet on my cheeks, I was crying and she saw it for the third time. I hate to cry in front of her, it just further proves the point that I needed her in my life.