Her Voice / han sanghyuk (#14)

Episode 35

Jooeun

I closed the door behind me and I let out a huge sigh, it was hard suppressing my emotions in there when I clearly know that I shouldn't show any negative feelings in there or he is going to feel sadder and he might even reject me. He had just lost his only grandmother and she was her whole world to him, he might have DaIn unnie growing up along aside with him as his older sister but it doesn't compare to the love and attention that he had gotten from his grandmother ever since she agreed to take care of young Sanghyuk.

Sanghyuk was around 7 when his parents got successful from their one start-up where they started before they even got married, instead of opening more branches in Korea and then expanding slowly overseas, they decided that it would be best to do the opposite instead and left for Japan to open up their first overseas chain and left their own children for the grandmother to take care of the two who are a little too young to be living overseas and because they would move around a lot, it wouldn't be ideal for 2 young children to be constantly on the move and so they decided to leave their children back in Korea while they left to pursue their dreams and passion.

I heard from Sanghyuk's older sister that it has been at least 5 years since they have returned back from overseas and it doesn't seem that they are going to return home anytime soon because they are so focused on their dreams and they have become so selfish that they neglected their own children, they think that it is the best decision for them to make a lot of money and to provide their children with the best life that they do with their business but they are making it worse. They are the reason why Sanghyuk didn't trust anyone other than his older sister and his grandmother, he treats his grandmother as his father and mother, his guardian and his teacher because his own parents are not there for him like what other parents in the world should be doing.

He relied so much on his grandmother that he didn't think that there will be a day where his grandmother wouldn't be around anymore due to old age and she would actually stay by his side for the rest of his life, because his grandmother is the only person who believed him the most after his own parents turned a blind eye on him and his older sister. And now that it had happened, he is at a loss now because he doesn't know what to do with his life anymore, things to him are not the same anymore and it would affect him so much.

His older sister could take care of him just like how his grandmother but it wouldn't be the same anymore, because she is not his grandmother and she will never be. But he still has to move on with his life no matter what happens, life doesn't stop whenever you want it to and it doesn't happen the way that you want it to. It decides it for you and you have no way of avoiding it, the only way is to face it and accept it without any conditions, that is the harsh reality of this cruel world that everyone is struggling to live in every single day.

The front door of the apartment opened and his older sister entered through the doors, putting down her belongings at the dining table and she stopped after she noticed that I am still here. I wasn't supposed to be here anymore, she told me to return home after dinner so that I wouldn't get scolded by my own mother but I couldn't care less about that. I didn't want to and she can't force me to unless I allow myself to.

"Jooeun-ah, why are you still here?" She asks and she looks at the closed door of Sanghyuk's room. "Has he eaten his meal already? He is going to pass out if he continues to skip meals, and it is not good for him."

I nodded, forcing myself to smile even though deep inside my heart, it is bleeding and aching at the same time. "Great, have you had any dinner yet?" I wanted to shake my head but it is forcing me to do the opposite, I nodded my head. "Really? Then you can return home now, I can take care of Sanghyuk myself. Don't you worry, he is going to return back to the old Han Sanghyuk very soon."

He isn't, you liar... I nodded once again, taking my leave walking past her, making my way closer to the door where my legs gave out and my legs feel like jelly and I dropped to the floor like a mushy marshmallow. I guess that I had enough pretending that I was doing fine...

From there, I started to sob so hard that it became a full-on wailing session that I couldn't stop myself from crying, all the negative feelings were let out of my body and I had no way to stop that. I felt so bad for Sanghyuk's loss because it happened so sudden and I couldn't believe that he had to go through all of this when he is still in high school and I have not lost anything significant in my life yet, I felt that I shouldn't be here taking care of Sanghyuk on his older sister's behalf.

I am not the right person to be taking care of him, I am just his friend and I couldn't be of much help to him either, it is not like I will be able to comfort him by talking to them and trying my hardest to make him happy. I am deaf and mute and I am not being able to speak and I will not be able to hear him if I take off my hearing aids. I am the worst candidate here to be taking care of a depressed person and I shouldn't be here at all, but why am I still here?

I was served a bowl of instant noodles by DaIn unnie just like that day at the convenience store where she met me for the first time ever, she sat down opposite me just watching me slurp on those noodles as if I haven't eaten for a few days. "Do you know why it wasn't just a coincidence that I met you at the convenience store that night? I saw you near the supermarket with Sanghyuk and you were in that blue dress, you looked really beautiful and I wished that Sanghyuk would end up with someone like you but he told me that he wouldn't fall in love with anyone for the rest of his life. But I was certain that he is going to get his happily ever after someday and it turned out to be true when I saw you on the streets a few hours later crying, I knew that I had to make the connection between you and Sanghyuk happen for real."

I stopped crying, shocked at the sudden revelation of how DaIn unnie met me that night for the first time and it turned out that she planned all of that just to make me stay at her house for one day where Sanghyuk is there as well. But I wasn't angry at her at that, instead, I was glad that she was the key person to make me get closer to her own brother. We would still be enemies if I hadn't stayed at her house for that one night...

"Jooeun, I know that this is a little too much but could you be the key guardian to take care of Sanghyuk from now on? It is for the best for his recovery and you are the best person for him, I believe in you that he can do that."

That made me stop eating for once and looked up at her. 'But why me? I am a broken person and I can't cheer Sanghyuk up.'

She chuckled a little. "Who says that you can't? You are the best person that I can think of and you just did one impossible thing that I have been trying to do that, he ate his food for the first time in 3 years and it is because of you. You made him want to live and move onto his life, he might not say it with his mouth but he really needs you to survive in this world."