21 Jump Street (Tom Hanson)

Cold Hearted

"Gregg, this isn't going to be easy. This is going to hit you, and it's gonna hit you hard. And when it does, there are three things I need you to know. One, you did what you had to do. Two, there are a lot of innocent people who are still alive because of what you did," Fuller told me.

"What is the third thing?" I asked. My voice croaked and my eyes were stinging.

"I'm proud of you."

____________________________

"Mickey, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Fernbaum asked. He is the therapist that Fuller sends us all to after we are involved in a shooting.

I felt empty, like a rain cloud was over me all the time. The world was gray, but this was the last place I wanted to be. I really didn't want to talk about what happened, but I knew that it would make me feel better if I did.

"Fine," I responded emptily. I sat up straight and rigid in the chair across the desk from Dr. Fernbaum. I had been dreading coming to this session all day. 

It was a little later in the day. The sun was shining through the window, but it wasn't that warm anymore. The beige walls were covered with bookshelves that Dr. Fernbaum had his book collection displayed on. I readjusted my cream cable knit sweater, because the air conditioning was making me chilly.

"Can you tell me why you are sitting here with me today?" He asked.

"I—uh, was in a shooting," I said and cleared my throat to try to get rid of the lump that was forming. I brought my foot up on my chair and hugged my knee to my chest while anxiously picking at the jean material near my white sneaker.

"Uh-huh. Can you tell me about that? Can you walk me through it all?" He asked. He held a notepad in his hand, along with a black pen.

"Sure." I cleared my throat again and said, "I chased him and shot him."

"Close your eyes."

"Why?" I asked.

"I want you to replay the events in your head," he said. "Visualize."

I sighed but closed my eyes anyway. I knew he was going to ask me to do this, and this was something I did not want to do. I just wanted to forget the whole thing.

He said, "now, you are downtown, running after Mr. Gordon on foot. What happens?"

The scene started coming back to my head. I told Dr. Fernbaum exactly what I was seeing.

"I'm with my partner... Tom. My partner is Tom. We were at Webster High School to bust some drug dealing kids. We weren't in plain clothes though... we were in uniform. The kid took out his gun and started running. Tom... Tom and I went after him. We chased him up the roof of the school, and he pointed the gun at himself. Tom and I tried to talk him out of it, but then he turned the gun on us. There was nothing else for me to do. I had to shoot him. I didn't want to, but I had to."

"Where did the bullet go?"

"I aimed for his shoulder. It would have disarmed him, and allowed for us to make our arrest and he would have made a full recovery. The bullet travelled clean through his shoulder... I never miss."

"Then what happened?" He asked, frantically writing down everything that I was saying in his notepad.

"He fell off the school roof and landed outside one of the classroom windows," I revealed. My voice was calm and level. I couldn't imagine being a student in the room and watch your classmate fall to his death in front of the window.