21 Jump Street (Tom Hanson)

Tom Hanson, Future DEA

June 1990

I sat on our red couch with my knees pulled up to my chest. Tears prickled in my red eyes and I could feel the color was drained from my face. Tom was sitting beside me, with glassy eyes. The only thing that was comforting me at this moment was the warmth from the blanket draped around my bare shoulders.

I knew that something was on Tom's mind just from the way he looked at me when he got home from work. Through my breaths I needed to have him confirm what he just told me. I stared straight ahead as I said in a brittle voice, "so... you're gonna take it."

He cleared his throat and rubbed his finger against his lips, followed by his thumb. He finally said, "I—uh... yeah. I talked to them this morning."

This solid confirmation that he was going to take the job across the country was like a jab in the gut. I've been getting the feeling that Tom was ready to move on and leave all this behind, but I wasn't ready to accept that. It hurt me that we didn't talk about this more. Yes, it was his life but this drastically affected me too. I felt like I should have been more involved in the official decision.

"You talked to them, and you didn't tell me?" I asked. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat to stop sounding choked up. I hate being vulnerable with my emotions.

"They called me and I had to give them an answer right then and there," Tom said. "I haven't signed my contract yet so I'll stay if you want me to."

I could hear the emptiness in his voice at his statement. I could not deny that there was a lightning in his eyes whenever he talked about the offer he received from the DEA. I would never make him stay, because he would resent me. He has seen this as his future for years, and I knew how much this meant to him. I could not predict my own future, and I didn't want to drag Tom down because of my own uncertainty.

Tom has always had a chip in his shoulder about working at Jump Street, ever since his first day. He understands the importance of it, but it wasn't what he dreamed of when he decided to become a cop. He found an out, and he was going to take it.

I would be incredibly blue for when we will leave Evergreen State, which is the only home I have ever known, but I tried not to let it show. I knew it wasn't about me. It was about Tom and his future ambitions. Ambitions that he has worked his entire life for, long before he met me. His dreams were shining on distant shores, calling to him, and I had no right to make him stay. I would miss working with him, but at least I would still get to come home to him every day. I was going to uproot my entire life to follow Tom, and I've been preparing for this ever since I moved in. I knew that the DEA has been wanting him for a while. Why wouldn't they? He's perfect.

I forced myself to smile and said, "no, that's okay. This is great, when are we moving?"

He cleared his throat and said, "that's the thing, Mick... you can't come with me."

My face fell with my heart. "What?" My voice quivered as I looked over at him.

"Look, I was on my knees begging and they said that for the position that I'm going to, I have to go alone. Hell, I'm not even allowed to give you my address."

"And you're still going to take it?" I asked him, followed by a shaky breath. I started to bite down on the inside of my cheek. I thought we were going strong... and now he wants to leave me.

Tom said in a loud voice, "I already said no to them once, and I will never get the opportunity again. I'm extremely lucky that they even asked me a second time. Do you really want to work at Metro—at Jump Street for the rest of your life? I sure don't."

I had given Tom my heart, and here he was breaking it to pieces. It was for his eyes only, and he chucked it over his shoulder. It hurt me that this job meant more to him than I did... but I wasn't going to stand in his way. He had been working on his career for years, way before he even met me. It is not my place to tell him what to do.