21 Jump Street (Tom Hanson)

Concussion

July 1990

The past few months have been rather eerie. I've seen more death than I ever thought possible, I feared for my life multiple times, and I learned that my best friend is leaving me forever.

I have the weight of the entire world on my shoulders. I feel like I'm just going through the motions at this point. I'm dragging my feet with everything that I do. My passion for almost everything I have ever loved is gone. I don't feel like I'm here anymore.

I felt empty as I sauntered down the dairy isle at the grocery store. It was almost as if a grey storm cloud was looming over my head. I just wanted to be at home and in bed, I could feel it in my bones. My muscles were literally aching to be back home, but I had things to do. I can't just wallow in sadness. But it was like weights were attached to my ankles that I had to drag through the store. The sound of my own footsteps were distant, and I had a blank stare on my face.

Tom has noticed that something has been wrong, he's mentioned it a few times but I don't want to talk about it. If I talk about it, then I'll get upset and cry. I don't want to do that, because it'll make Tom sad and not want to follow his dream. I'd never be able to live with myself if I kept him from achieving that. I love him too much to do that.

I haven't really felt like me in a while. I'm lethargic, I don't want to eat, and I just don't feel like myself. I'm constantly in a state of fear every time I go to work. Am I doing to die today? Am I going to see a kid OD? Am I going to witness my coworkers last breath? Will Tom come home from work safe tonight?

I glanced over at the shelves of milk and my heart literally stopped. My palms got clammy and all the blood drained from my face. I saw a milk carton with Maariyah's face printed on it, including all of her information.

HAVE YOU SEEN ME?

Maariyah Hafeez
Date Missing: May 11, 1990
From: Metropolis, Evergreen State
Last Seen: Metropolis, Evergreen State
DOB: August 3, 1973
Eyes: Brown
Height: 5'7
Weight: 138 LBS
Hair: Brown

If you can identify this youth or have any information regarding any other missing child, report any information you have to:

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
1-800-843-5678

Provided as a public service in cooperation with National Child Safety Council

The moment I saw her face, my heart broke into a million pieces. I felt everything all at once. I felt the fear that she had, I felt the terror she experienced, I felt the betrayal of trust that Zain had in me, and I felt the regret and disappointment in myself for not being able to help her. She trusted me, and I failed her.

It took everything in me not to collapse at my feet. I gripped the shopping cart tighter and I could feel my heart trying to burst out of my chest. I wanted to throw up. It felt hard for me to breathe, and my hands started trembling as my eyes well up with tears. I immediately left my cart, half full of groceries we needed, and promised myself that I would go shopping again later when this panic attack subsided.

I covered my mouth with my hand as I found the back door and briskly walked out to my car. My lips flexed into a frown as I fought back the tears that slowly streamed down my face. My shoulders were shaking as my lungs struggled to breathe but I was holding my breath.