| COMPLETE | THE SEQUEL 'Hate Me Tomorrow' IS OUT NOW | no translations |
"Tell me about when you do hate me." He insisted.
Our chests were inches apart and his nose was very close to mine. I was looking up at him as he still stood towering over me...
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This is a continuation of chapter 75, there is no time jump.
***
I lost him.
It was over and I had lost Harry, along with everything else we'd been through and experienced together.
It was all tainted now.
It was miserable watching how hard it was for Harry to say what he did, to break up with me, I knew it was hard for him and that hurt me.
What hurt worse though was that he still did it, he shattered me, left me, hurt me, tore me to pieces even though he knew he shouldn't have.
I deserved this because I fell in love with a man I knew would never choose me but it still hurt more than anything, I believed maybe I could be enough if I tried.
I overcame my eating disorder and taught myself how to handle my panic attacks better, I was taking care of myself and trying to better myself as a person, better my mind and heart. I did everything right...and it still wasn't fucking enough.
I nodded at Harry before pushing past him, my shoulder hitting his with a force that made him stumble backwards. I stormed through the living room and to the bedroom, in an apartment that was no longer a happy or safe place.
Looking at the couch I sat on for a year and a half, working and falling in love, the piano where I sat on top and sang to Harry for the first time, the open space where I danced in front of him after years of not even thinking about that part of my life.
I had to look at the couch I used to sleep on and now was used to put Harry and I's clean clothes on, the bed that I had fallen asleep and woken up in, with the love of my life who was no longer mine, the bed where I gave myself to him over and over again, out of passion, lust, need, anger, love. Whatever it may be, this is where Harry and I were each other's, we didn't belong to the world here, it was just us.
The bathroom where I had my first panic attack after meeting Harry, the bathroom where I had given Harry a haircut and he kissed my cheek, the bathroom where we showered together when I didn't feel good, the bathroom where we'd dance to Fleetwood Mac over the loudspeaker and sing into our toothbrushes.
None of it was happy now, none of it was us anymore.
We weren't ourselves now.
I looked at all these places in this apartment and all I saw was something I once had, all I saw was what I had just lost.
This is where I fell in love with Harry and it's the same place he just shattered my whole world.
I needed to leave, if I stayed any longer I think I might end up in the hospital again, that couldn't happen, I was better now and I couldn't let myself slip, I needed to leave.
