Tell me again how you hate me

𝚃𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚢 𝙾𝚗𝚎- 𝙱𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎

Juliet

***

I didn't sleep.

At all.

It was currently 5am and I was sitting on my work couch with my fourth cup of coffee. I'd been writing non stop after I finally got up off the bathroom floor.

I brushed my teeth, braided my hair back and put different clothes on. I didn't throw up on my other ones but I felt gross.

So now I'm sitting with a notebook in my lap with scribbled words all over the paper. My hand was starting to cramp because I'd been writing so much.

I desperately wanted to think about anything other than Harry.

What time he was coming back, where he went, how to act towards him when he got back. I couldn't get the stupid thoughts out of my brain.

No matter how much I tried it was him. It was all him and it was miserable.

I knew I'd regret not sleeping but I didn't want to dream. My dreams were never good. Sleep wasn't an escape for me anymore.

So that's why I write.

Except this time I can't escape him here either. Everything I wrote was about him. I couldn't find anything else to spark words in my brain.

I hated myself more than anything for letting my walls down around him.

Just because was nice you doesn't mean you start liking him you stupid bitch.

I hated him.

But this time it wasn't out of anger.

I hated him because he hurt me, but I hated me more for letting him.

But in reality I couldn't be mad at him. He didn't know what I was going to ask, so it's not like he abandoned me. We aren't together so we have no obligation to tell each other where we are in that sense.

I didn't know why I started to feel more and more fond of him and I guess I let myself get carried away. He was the affectionate one most of the time and I just went along with it.

But I thought since he was affectionate maybe I meant something to him. He means something to me.

I was never good at initiating that stuff so I always waited for the other person to do it. Except for with Yuna and now except for Harry.