| COMPLETE | THE SEQUEL 'Hate Me Tomorrow' IS OUT NOW | no translations |
"Tell me about when you do hate me." He insisted.
Our chests were inches apart and his nose was very close to mine. I was looking up at him as he still stood towering over me...
Juliet TW: EATING DISORDERS & PANIC ATTACKS If you struggle with eating disorders/panic attacks or talking/hearing/reading about them is a trigger for you please proceed with caution.
P.S. I love you and you're perfect! ***
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I had spent the past half hour crying in front of the toilet after stumbling in here like a maniac. I had felt like I was going to be sick but never actually threw up.
I knew Harry didn't mean to upset me and he was just trying to bond with me somehow but I just couldn't take it.
Watching him buy and eat the food was bad enough but when he started waving it in front of me I felt physically sick.
My empty, hollow stomach was tearing me apart at the smell of it. It was begging me to just eat a little bit. Just enough to satisfy the constant painful ache that has settled in my belly.
My stomach always hurt. And I mean always. My insides felt like they were eating themselves sometimes.
I could never escape the pain from it but I didn't complain because I was doing it to myself. It's my own fault so I just have to live with it.
I couldn't even escape it when I did eat. Because when I did I would get nauseous. My body wasn't used to getting food so when it got more than a few pieces of chicken it flipped out.
I was always in fucking pain. I could never do any of it right.
It was only a few months ago that I stopped eating. But it was gradual so I just now started to lose weight because I'd barely been eating at all lately.
And when I did eat I resisted the urge to make myself puke. Both out of guilt and hopes that it would stop the nausea.
I really wished Louis was here. He was always good at calming me down. But he wasn't here and I was all alone.
As I sat by the toilet with hot tears streaming down my face my eyes spotted a scale. It was mine and I had brought it in here sometime yesterday.
I knew I probably shouldn't have brought it just like I know right now that I shouldn't be stepping on it.
But before I could stop myself I was standing right in front of it, about to put my feet on the outline of feet on the top of it.
I stood there nervously chewing on my nail as I waited for the numbers to pop up.
And they did. The number was bigger than last time which means I'd gained the weight back that I lost a few weeks ago.
It didn't take me long before I was curled up in a ball with my forehead pressed to the cold floor of the bathroom. Sobbing even more violently than before.
