| COMPLETE | THE SEQUEL 'Hate Me Tomorrow' IS OUT NOW | no translations |
"Tell me about when you do hate me." He insisted.
Our chests were inches apart and his nose was very close to mine. I was looking up at him as he still stood towering over me...
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Panic.
This is the third time I've experienced real panic in my life, all of which involving Juliet.
The first was when I thought she was in a car accident.
We had a horrible fight that evening, before I realized how important she to me. She ran off and when I heard about someone getting in a car wreck, my brain immediately went to Juliet.
I think that was one of the moments I should've known I loved her, it should've been so clear to me then. Even so, thinking I lost her was panic inducing.
The second was because I found her passed out on the floor with an empty pill bottle next to her in our bathroom. I thought I had lost her in that moment and that made me panic.
But this time, I had actually lost her.
She was gone now and I didn't know what to do with myself, she was probably downstairs with Yuna, telling her everything that happened and I should be running down there to plead and beg until she came back.
But I can't.
And that hurts so fucking much.
I couldn't believe that I let her go, I was in shock. I was still standing next to the bed, staring through the glass wall into the living room where she had walked through just moments before with a suitcase in each hand.
I could see the tears falling from her chin as she walked away but there was no emotion in her face. She looked numb and I think that hurt worse than seeing her cry with emotion.
And it was my fault.
I did this to her and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.
For hurting the only person who's ever loved me like I dreamt about as a kid, the only person who taught me I was more than my temper and shitty attitude, the only person who cared about me unconditionally, I hurt the person I loved most.
For letting her go when I knew she needed me as much as I needed her.
And for lying.
I didn't think she couldn't handle the spotlight, I knew she could, she's so strong. I didn't think it was best for either of us if she left, I wouldn't feel guilty for taking her with me.
I fucking needed her.
But my manager...he didn't think it would be appropriate for me to publicly date someone who wasn't famous too.
Fucked up, I know.
He talked to me about it last week and I'd been telling him to fuck off since. I told him there was no way I would break up with Juliet, I didn't care if he was mad or if people were mad.
She was mine and I wasn't going to let anything get in the way.
That was until he became more persistent, at least.
