My Love is a Star (BTS Suga Fanfiction)

91. Defeated

JK's POV

"Hey, I'm only a call away. I can drive you straight to Busan tomorrow if you want. Just let me know." Sejin hyung offered with utmost concern. He drove me straight back home from practice. If I tell him to sleep over, I bet he would say yes without a doubt. He'd stay all night talking to me over fried chicken and beer just to make sure I was fine. Looking at his worried eyes, I bet he's waiting for me to invite him in. But I won't. I need some time alone. I don't want to be with anyone right now. I just want to shut the entire world and have my thoughts and feelings all to myself. 

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." I faintly smiled. 

I waved him goodbye as I watched him drive out of sight.

Finally, Alone at last. I let out a deep sigh.

The security greeted me cheerfully as he opened the door for me. I just bowed and kept my head low until I reached the elevator. I didn't have the energy to pretend I'm alright anymore.

There was nobody else in the lift with me and I couldn't be more thankful. I closed my eyes and waited what felt like years until I reached my level of this grand tower. It took a few seconds before the doors opened. Enough for me to see my reflection. 

Hold it a little more JK. Just a few more steps and you can be your true self. 

As I neared the front door, I was already imagining myself laying face down on my cold pillows. My eyes felt heavier by the second. I don't know how much longer I can keep it together. I need to be alone fast.

I entered the passcode at the speed of light and as soon as I was in, I didn't care where my shoes went. I just forcefully took them off and turned the corner. 

Just a few more steps JK. Just a few more.

Damn luck though. Someone was on my way. 

Of all the freaking times that you should show up, why now?? Why the hell now?! I stabilized my breathing and blinked away the heaviness in my eyes.

She had her back towards me which was okay. I was in really bad shape. I don't want her to see me like this. After the stunt, I pulled off earlier, she can't, she shouldn't see me this way. I just wished she would go straight to her room without even looking back. But she remained frozen though. 

Just go. Please.

But I must say, life has its funny little tricks. Whatever happened to the Law of Attraction??!

"You're back!" She awkwardly greeted me. I can tell she was trying her best to sound cheerful not to mention the fact that she just flashed her fist at me to see. I would've laughed at this no doubt, but this just wasn't the right moment.

I knew how hard it must be for her to avoid my eyes. We left off on a sour note and sure enough, she's not ready to reconcile with me whatsoever. So instinctively, I should've done the same and steered clear from her. I could've just walked past her without any explanation because I have every right to do so. I couldn't care less of what she thinks because she doesn't give a damn about me anyway. So the feeling should be mutual. 

So what are you waiting for JK?

Why are you still pinned in the same spot?

Get yourself moving already!

...

But I didn't. 

I remained still. I felt myself quivering inside but I stayed motionless.