My Love is a Star (BTS Suga Fanfiction)

69. The Big Leap

RECALL

"There. You see those two?" He pointed his finger at the sight of the ocean in front of us.

My eyes were all over the place, not really sure where to look at. "The rocks?"

"Yup."

"What about them?" I'm confused.

"Well. They're not just rocks. They're called Meoto Iwa or Wedded Rocks. The larger of the two rocks represents the husband and the smaller one represents the wife. Both rocks are connected by a shimenawa rope which acts as the division between the spiritual and earthly realms. In a ceremony, the shimenawa rope is replaced three times a year."

But just in time, the sun rose in between the giant rocks and its ray of light glimmered upon them and onto the sea creating such a beautiful picture.

"And Mt. Fuji is right over ...there.."

"Woah! This is just... wait.. wait... I need to take a snap of this. Where is my phone.. oh.. just a sec." I panicked.

I hurriedly went to the car and got my phone in my bag. I took a few shots and was satisfied with my picture-taking skills. "It's beautiful."

When I turned around, my eyes darted to the person right behind me.

He was down on one knee.

"What are you doing?"

"I want us to be just like those rocks. I want us bonded inseparably. I'm in love with you, there's no question about that. Every single day I spent with you just proves how crazy I am towards you and how crazier it feels right here." He pointed to his head and his chest.

"And I don't want it to stop. I want you to be the only person that can make this heartbeat like it's never been alive before. And I want to do the same for you. I know this would all seem to be such a rush but... I want to make you mine Rozie. I need you to be mine for the rest of my life..."

"So.."

He pulled out a small box from the pocket of his sweatshirt and opened it. A diamond ring was glistening inside and it sparkled like the stars in the evening sky.

I can feel my hands shaking. My knees seemed to be wobbly at the moment. I was having cold sweats and it was getting pretty much hard to breathe.

He held the box with both hands and extended it towards me. His eyes were fixed on mine and it's just impossible to look away. His lips curved into a sweet smile and he said,

"Marry me."

...

"Yes."

___________________________________________

I smiled as my finger touch the spot where the ring used to be. It left a mark where at one point in my life, it fits perfectly.

When I was still in school, I learned this term called "Phantom pain". It's a kind of pain coming from a body part that's no longer there. In my case, the ring was a part of me. Was.

It was a testimony of an event in my life where my path took a big swerve. It was one of the choices I had when my mind wasn't one with my heart. But I jumped in anyway hoping it will all turn out alright in the end.

We all have decisions like that. Our choices are often influenced not just by our own but by others as well. We tend to see the bigger picture otherwise, we drown in our own selfishness.

Phantom pain gets better through time. Doesn't anything? Some would go through psychological treatment just to cope. While others would take analgesics just to take the pain away. The truth is, it doesn't really get rid of it. It just covers it up with a mask and makes you believe it's no longer there. In my perspective, "That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt."  quote from my favorite movie Fault in the Stars literally sums up how I want to deal with it.

We all cope differently. Suppression always works for me.

"Suppression is a conscious form of repression. You choose to not engage or talk about distressing feelings or thoughts. You are aware of them and not intimidated by them overly, but just decide to put off dealing with them for a while."

And I was so good at it. Or so I thought.

The thing about this coping mechanism is that feelings don't stay buried. It will all resurface at one point and you'd realize that the emotions you have are as fresh as the first time.

Roll camera for the conversation I had with Yoongi.

I know. I'm not proud of it. But it happened so... Oh well.

I ran my thumb over the ring mark again and again as if the repeated strokes would make it less obvious. But I know for a fact that it won't disappear anytime soon. It will be gone in time that's for sure. But for now, I'm just feeling it while it's still there. After all, it has worn what was once so significant.

The sudden appearance of a hand on top of mine took me out of my deep thoughts. I looked to my right and there he was, smiling at me. I feel so vulnerable before him. And yet, his eyes gave me all the reassurance I need.

This I know is definitely one of those decisions that require second to the nth number of thoughts. But again, I'm holding on to this hand of his and that big leap of faith that everything will be alright.

He said so himself.

I smiled back at him and felt a little spark of happiness ignite within me.

I guess our chapter doesn't have to end just yet.

To be continued...