On The Run | Wakasa I. (Tokyo Revengers)

Chapter 32: Still On The Run

YOUR POV

It was already noon when Wakasa left the house. The moment I felt my negative thoughts kicking in, I immediately decided to come and visit someone in hopes to let off some weight in my chest. And so here I sit in front of Shinichiro's grave with his favourite chocolates between us. Oh how I missed this guy so much.

"Hey." I pushed the sweets closer to him as if I'm guilty admitting my wrongdoing to someone. "You're probably gonna smack my head if you're with me right now." I had planned to tell Shin everything but somehow saying it out loud feels different.

"But... well uhh..." I can't even form a proper sentence in my mind without it sounding too bold. I have never had such conversation with someone afterall. I sighed and scratched the back of my head in frustration. "Why is it so hard to say even to you?" Why am I even having a hard time when no one's here to hear what I'm about to say?

I took a deep breath and hung my head low, feeling the cool breeze cause my hair to sway from side to side.

"Well, me and Waka just uhhh had a night with each other..." I hesitantly started, rubbing the back of my neck continuously. "I was so drunk, I can't even remember much." If Shin was here, he probably already had that shocked expression on his face by now. If not, he's probably watching me with disapproving eyes from above.

"I'm sorry." Ever since this morning, I can't help but think about how stupid I am to let that happen. I don't regret it because I didn't want it. I regret it because I don't want the consequences to happen. Whether if it'll lessen or strengthen my bond with Wakasa, either way it'll hurt me in some way.

I bite my lip, trying to stop my tears from falling.

"After all those times that you've been comforting me, trying to make me feel better and forget him. Here I am still a sucker for the same person who hurt me a long time ago." Shin has always been there for me. Ever since the day I developed feelings for Wakasa, he had always been the supportive friend. But when he found out about the time I felt hurt on Wakasa's words, he immediately dropped the teasing. Instead, he focused on helping and encouraged me to move on.

All the times I felt down, he was the bestfriend I had. Even when I was far away, he still found ways to make me feel I'm not alone in my journey. If it weren't for Wakasa, I might've considered falling for this guy. What was it that made me fall for Waka anyway? It's not like he's treated me the best before. I was never interested in him.

Well, not until he saved me from the guy who kept bothering me in high school. Since then, I started to see him differently and has always treated him as my saviour, wanting to be friends and be closer with him.

I never thought a simple admiration would all lead to something like this.

"You lied to me though." I sighed, crossing my arms. "You said before that I'll be moving on fast. That I'll be surprising him a new version of me who doesn't have feelings for him anymore once I come back." Shin has tried a lot of methods to help me get over Waka. And we thought I was successful in doing so. I thought I'll be fine just like what he said. "But the moment I saw him, I feel like I forgot everything we talked about. Because when I saw him, I felt it again." My gaze dropped down, remembering the time at the cafe when I first landed back in Japan. I even tried to ignore the feeling I felt, thinking it must be just some kind of misinterpretation of my own emotions.

I chuckled to myself, not daring to look up as I straighten my leg to the side.

"Pathetic, right? I was really sure that I only wanted to see him again as my friend at first but somehow it ended in a different way." Oh how I miss the days when I only saw him as someone I wanted to annoy everyday to notice me as his fan.

As different thoughts cross my mind, I can't help but notice the fear building in me.

"Shin... I'm scared." I trailed off. I'm scared of a lot of things ever since I realized it. "I don't want to love him." I'm actually scared of loving him. It's not only because I'm scared of getting rejected but also of the outcome. Even if he doesn't reject me, it's not like I can be with him freely and happily. It's not like I can give him an ideal relationship.

"He deserves someone else." Having to realise this thought made my heart break. Wakasa doesn't deserve someone like me. At this point I'm a killer. A runaway bride who can't even face a challenge in her life out of fear. Wakasa deserves someone who he can have a normal life with.

And that someone can never be me.

"I have a marriage to fulfill the moment I get caught. And I—I can't run forever." I clench my fists tightly, remembering how messed up my life will be once again if I leave my friends. Once I go back there, I could never experience the life I have here. "I only have a month to live a not-so-free life and only not more than two weeks remaining for me."

Before running away from home, my father and I had a talk with each other. He gave me a chance to be out of his grasp as long as I can defend myself from any attacks. Since I'm no longer under his wing, he doesn't want to interfere in helping me. He only gave me a month but he never did say that he wouldn't contribute to making my life harder without his help. Him reporting it to the media must also be a plan of his to make me go back to him. After all, he still needs me to take over his position.

"I got the headstart and it's just been days, yet I feel like they're a step right behind me already." It's only been days yet I'm already tracked down. I'm already found. If only I can make it and endure it past a month, I will be able to have my freedom. Freedom from the mafia... Calix.

But with my current situation, I don't know anymore if I can make it. They move too fast and I don't even know where to go anymore. There's no safe place for me to hide. All I can do is fight and run. Fight and run. Until I tire out and go back.

"I'll be caught soon." I wiped my tears, feeling my depressing thoughts sink in. "I don't want to leave them yet." I'm getting scared that anytime I might leave my friends once again and this time without even saying a proper goodbye. "I don't want to leave you. I don't want to leave Senju, Takeomi and Benkei." I trailed off softly with a sob.

"I don't want to leave Wakasa."

These guys are the reason why I'm here. And after spending time with them made me realized just how much I treasure my moments with them that it made me fear the thought of leaving them again. Especially Wakasa... for the past days, he made me feel different. He treated me different than usual. It's as if he's making me feel that he cares for me too. And it's hurting me even more that I'm realizing I'm only falling harder for him. That thought alone scares me...

Because I know at the end of the day, I will only get myself hurt.

As I was letting my tears out, I sensed movement from behind a tree in my peripheral vision. I chuckled to myself bitterly as I stand up slowly, stretching my limbs.

"You see what I'm talking about?" I turned to look at the group of people approaching me. "They're always behind me." I whispered more to myself as I glare at the men who are smirking at my direction, clearly having an ill intent.

"I can never hide from them." Wiping the last tear from my face, I pulled my hoodie on to shadow my face as I spoke. Sending one last glance at Shinichiro's grave, I smiled wryly, feeling my heart clench in pain at the realization of the harsh reality I'm in.

"I'm still on the run after all."

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Author's Note:
Don't forget to check out the bonus chapter I recently uploaded in Shin's ff. (for those who read my first ff) 😽