Magnus Academy: The Cursed Blood

Chapter Eighteen

On the Verge of Death,
Emotions Will Cease

I've always knew a liar when I see one. I guess I could say so because I had always been by myself but for some reason I couldn't help depending on people around me, and I hated that. I hate relying on people, I hate having to owe anything with anyone, and most of all, I hate attaching myself with someone.

Yet now I couldn't stop myself from continuously seeking his presence, his warmth. I don't like feeling this way, I never did because it makes me feel vulnerable. Thought at the same time, I kind of love feeling this way, it makes me feel a little bit human even after everything I've done.

I wonder if I ever deserved something like this. A pleasant sensation, like something was throbbing, tingling, in my stomach. It's scary, I'm not used to it, but I like it. See? This is why I hate feeling this, it's making a mess all over me and the worst thing is, I don't even feel an ounce of regret, and I wanted more of this strange emotiom.

Is it mine? I don't know. I was foreign to these strange emotions after all. What if this emotion was his all along and I was just able to absorb it? I'd probably hate myself if that'd be the case. But for now, let's just...be satisfied with this feeling. I promise when it's time...I'll end it all myself. So at least just for this once, I will let myself be happy.

Mind, it looks like you lose to my heart this time.

"Damiel," tawag ko sa kaniya. Nararamdaman ko ang presensya niya kanina pa.

Hindi lang nga ako sigurado kung ano ang ginagawa niya. Staring at me? Possibly. Pero hindi siya sumagot sa tawag ko. Naririnig ko ang hininga naming dalawa, reverberating through this room. Sa ilang oras na akong nakaupo dito, nangangalay narin ang nga kamay ko sa likuran, tiyak akong may naiiwang mga bakas ang mga ito sa taling ginamit niya.

Then there were also the sound of rapid heartbeats. We both knew where it came from, and it was enough even though we couldn't say it in words, what these heartbeats mean.

"You do know I could always cut through this situation, don't you?" I heard his light laughter, it brought me another waves of strange sensation.

"But you didn't."

"Because I chose not to."

"I'm doing this because I want to protect you, Ke'ala."

"By tying me up on a chair with a blindfold on? In case you aren't aware, this is kidnapping."

"In case you forgot, you came willingly with me."

"I was hoping things could go in a different direction. Not like this."

"I'm sorry." He sighed. "Pero hindi ako nagsisinungaling. Totoo ang mga nararamdaman ko, kahit kasinungalingan man ang pagkakilala mo sa akin."

"I don't doubt your feelings, Damiel." This time, I heave out a heavy breath. "I doubt mine."

"You're making me sad."

"It's the truth."

"Kahit hindi mo man intensyon ang nararamdaman mo, kahit sa akin man nagmula iyan, hindi parin magbabago itong sa akin."

"Then why are you showing your love in such a painful way?"

"I don't care if I hurt myself, as long as I could protect the most important person in my life."

"The best way to protect me is to get far away from me as possible. Pero nandito tayo, kinukulong mo ako, kinukulong mo din ang nararamdaman ko."

"Dalawang taon na ako nandito Ke'ala. Walang araw na hindi lumipas na hindi kita iniisip." Napunta ang dalawang kamay niya sa magkabila kong pisnge, alam ko na ngayong nakatayo siya sa harapan ko. "Ngayong nandito ka na, bakit pa kita papakawalan?"