A Place With No Name (revamped)

.10

"Looking into your eyes is like looking into the depths of your soul..."

*****

Los Olivos, California

Michael Jackson -- August 28th, 1991
Location: 5225 Figueroa Mountain Rd

Tomorrow would mark thirty-four years since I was born. Michael Jackson day as my family would call it. Was I happy? Not even the slightest bit.

I was happy to be alive, well, and healthy. I wasn't happy that I'd be years closer to fourty. Was this what a mid-life crisis felt like? Was it too early for me to have one?

Every year I feel less of a person and more of an outcast. On my birth date every year, I'd take a look in the mirror and give myself a speech:

"You made it again. Here you are. What does the future holds for you now?"

I was so ready for my speech, but all it took was one glance. One glance to make me feel empty inside.

My skin was getting lighter and lighter everyday. I wouldn't be able to even the white patches on my skin, as they were getting bigger and spreading. Gosh, why did this had to happen to me?

All morning, I looked in the mirror and let out the loudest sob known to man. I was embarrassed. I was hurt. But most of all, I was ugly.

My confidence shot down to the floor. The same insecurities I felt while going through puberty engulfed me once more. What could I tell the media about this now?

Surely they'd noticed the 'world's biggest pop star' going through 'changes', and surely they'll start spreading the ugliest lies.

At this point I couldn't control what was happening to me, but when did I ever have control?

There was no point in boosting my confidence, nothing that anyone could ever say will make me feel better. Because at the end of the day, I'd always feel indifferently about myself.

I just wish that I was normal.

*****

"Here, I got you this."

Kidada gently pushed a brand new tape recorder into my hands with a smile. For many months I complained about needing a new one because I was sure that the one I currently had was going to break soon.

This made me break out into a smile, one that was really genuine. I gave her a tight hug, not before kissing her cheek. "Thank you very much, Kidada. I love this."

"I knew you would, Smelly. I've heard you complaining about the old one for too long."

I giggled softly and hugged her again. Her, Rashida, and Quincy came to visit me for my day. I was very appreciative of them for coming. I couldn't spend another year being alone for what people would describe as the best days of my life.

In any minute, Elizabeth would be arriving with her fiancé, Larry, and so would my family. This would be the first time I'd see the Jacksons in a few months and I was surprisingly happy. I was especially missing my mother out of them all.