Life Ran Into Me

Nothing has changed

"Get up ma" he said shaking me to wake me up after he was done. It felt like I just kept falling asleep and was even more drunk every time I woke up. I regretted drinking so much liquor after I realized we had sex again after everything I've been through. "Go clean yourself up" he said. He got up and went to the sink to wash the blood of his penis. I felt so disgusting. I had to shower and it was the worst because I felt I was going to throw up the entire time. After I got out of the shower he was in the flat bed knocked out. No goodnight or anything. I made two bottles and went to sleep as soon as my eyes closed. Thankfully the twins were at an age where they slept throughout the whole night. But unfortunately they liked to wake up 8am sharp. "Spazz go get April" I said halfway still asleep. He was snoring still knocked out. He was just as tired as I was because we were up drunk until about 4am. "Spazz April get up" I said a little louder as April was crying. He dragged his self out of the flatbed and stretched as he grabbed one of the bottles I made. He yawned and laid her beside him as he held her bottle. I never told him she knew how to hold her own bottle. I thought I was getting a break but Praise woke up about 5 minutes after. "Lena get up" he said. I heard him but I acted like I didn't. I wanted him to handle her. It was selfish but I handled both of them everyday if their life by myself so he could do it this time. He didn't even call me a second time. He grabbed praise and did the same for her. By this time the kids in the house were waking up so we had to get up as well because we couldn't take up space lounging in the living room while everyone is ready to start their day. I wanted to talk to Red about what happened but I was too ashamed to even say we had sex on her couch. How disrespectful of us. As everybody got into the day, everyone began to enjoy each other's company. It was just like yesterday.  Except Spazz was more attached to me than before. This day he followed me foot to foot. Whether it was to go outside and smoke, to make a cup of water or even to use the bathroom. As soon as I opened the door or turned around he was there. He loved my company and was a huge flirt. He also spent alot of daddy and daughter time with the girls so I didn't mind. I liked it, spazz loved it and the babies were happy. This is what I wanted from him from the beginning. Why couldn't it have been like this without the bullshit? The day was so good he wanted me to stay. Red thought it was a good idea if I stayed another day too. She love to see her brother happy and I wanted to anyway. We made plans of going out too so I needed more clothes. So we walked to citi trends just a block or two away from the house while the kids watched the babies. He helped me pick out two cute ass outfits. A sun dress and a classy white laced rumper. We couldn't find a good place to go out because I wasn't even 18 yet. We ended up shooting pool after a visit to the liquor store me and Red sat and talked a little while her man and Spazz played the other men in pool. I tried to keep in mind not to drink too much because I can never handle it in the end. But just because I couldn't handle it didn't mean I would stop drinking. I love liquor. So once again I mixed white and dark. Drunk many cups of my own and some of his. The girls were sleep by the time we came home so in his mind it was go time. This time it was go time in my mind too. We were so into each other and both were drunk asf. He ripped my rumper right down the middle. "BRUH" I said shocked at what he just did. "Are you serious!? You could've easily just took my clothes off but no you wanna rip my shit right down the middle like we rich I just bought this rumper today you know that!" I snapped because it was so cute and now I could never wear it again. "Chill ma ima buy you another one" he said as he continued to kiss on me. I just let it go and got back in the mood. We took our showers and this time he stated up and waited for me. We slept on the same couch too. It was once again about 3/4am in the morning. The girls were up bright and early and so was he. He had to go to work. He wanted me to stay at Red's house so we could be there when he got off but I had to work the next day so we couldn't stay. "Are you able to make two trips sir?" I said to the uber driver. "Yes mam just request a second trip." The driver said.  It was already $15 from Red's house to mine. Adding his trip costed and extra $15. It was worth it to me because we had a good weekend. I made it back to the hotel and told my family all about it. Well except the I had sex with him parts. I was glad that he was finally willing to be back in the girls life. I was too blind to see it was only the drinks and coochie I gave him and the fact that he hasn't seen the girls nothing but once prior. We didn't talk the entire week but on the weekend there I go again. I spent $15 to her house and $25 back. During this weekend he got so attached that he offered to visit the child support office. We all knew he wasn't ready toboay child support but he was going through a "new daddy" stage so he wanted to go through with it. And also because we all wanted to see the DNA report even though we knew they were his. He wanted to make us official. "Im working on getting us a house" he said as he hit the blunt. Oh no I done heard this before I thought. "But until then I want yall to stay here with me at Red house until we can move out." It sound like he already had this planned it out. "Red said it would be a good idea, we just gotta help out." I had told him about me living in the hotel and working. But it all sounded so good. "Okay but we need to get this figured out before I move our stuff out the hotel" I said. "Red gone give us that room in the back. I'll pay rent for both of us and you use the stamps to put in the house" he said. It sound like a deal to me. We were a little bored that day so we walked to citi trends because he said he wanted to buy the girls an outfit. He pulled out a twenty dollar bill after picking two matching outfits for the girls that were both $6. I didn't mind. It wasn't about the money it was the fact that he bought them something that I was okay with. "I wanna do more ma. Ima go all out for them when I get paid" he said. I seen him eyeballing a a gold jesus piece with twi earings and a watch. "You want it?" I said. He tried to act like he didn't know what I was talking about. "That" I said pointing at it. "Its alright ma" he said. I knew he really wanted it but it was $25 and he just spent money on the girls clothes with his last 20 dollar bill. So I picked it up and bought it for him. He was happy that he got it, he out it on as soon as we got back to Red's house. It looked real and it looked good on him so I was glad I bought it for him I could see that it made him happier. The weekend flew by this time and it was time to uber us all home and him to work.
The third weekend we spent together was a littke difficult. We kept staying up too late so we began to argue in the mornings about who was doing what when the girls woke up. "Well maybe if yall would stop staying up all night yall wouldn't be so tired in the morning and arguing" Red said. She didn't want to be in our business but it was obvious our focus on what's important shifted. We made it all about spending time with each other and less about him bonding with the girls. He did don't get me wrong but at night it was all about us. So the morning comes that he is supposed to go to work and we're supposed to go home. He was too tired to fully wake up because we stayed up once again but I was awake. I was handling the girls. "Spazz get uo you gotta get ready for work" I said standing over him sleeping on the flatbed. "It's not time for me to get up yet" he said turning the other way. I let it go and went back on the couch to go back to sleep. The Praise started to cry. "Spazz can you get her" I said. He ignored me. "Spazz! Can you please get Praise" I yelled annoyed. "Man you get uo and get her I always get them" he said still laying down. "I just got up and fed both if them it's your turn to handle them now" I said. He once again ignored me. So I did it myself. After that I was aggrvated and oacked our stuff so we could go. After I strapped my babies in the car seat and waited on the uber he got up said "Damn you wasn't even finna tell me yall leaving" I had an attitude so I just rolled my eyes. He picked up his phone only to see that it was dead. "What time is it" he demanded in the form of a question. I responded with an attitude. "About to be 11am". He instantly started rushing getting ready as we started arguing again. "Damn you wasn't even gone tell me shit" "I tried to wake you up but yo ass had an attitude" "then you got a whole uber outside ready to go" "well you should've got up when I told you to". We can never be around each other too long without something happening. He was ready in under 5 minutes. We all got in the uber that I paid for like usual. Only thing is we both left with attitudes this time.
About 2 days later Ashely is back on Facebook posting things about me. Why is she still posting about me? I thought. Well im still reading her post so there's obviously still pressure between us. She posted about how him and Red were going to use me. I was so puzzled on how she even knew abiut the situation because Spazz told me that he left her because she was using her child against him every time they argued she said she'd put him on child support as soon as the baby is born. But I should've known better. He lied. They were still together this entire time. She kicked him out of her house and knew he was staying with Red but she didn't know I was there. After our shitty argument and him missing work he told her everything. Everything except how he slept with me. He probably added in a bunch of things that I never said or happened. So I ended up texting Spazz and just like old times, he denied everything that made him look wrong or like a cheater and completely turned on me. He said he only spent time with us so I could agree with getting a DNA test and because him and Red planned to use me. I knew Red had nothing to do with his lies and was very serious about helping us grow into a family so I didn't believe none of it. I know he was just trying to satisfy Ashely ears because they were back on good terms and we left off on bad terms. Damn. I let him play me again. I was also running out of tax money and my job let me go due to being over staffed. So I was going broke. The stress came back. Nothing changed.