Life Ran Into Me

One last thing

Once again I spent a while cleaning. Luckily they didn't over do the inspection and check the side of my bed. I found empty cigar packs and alot of the tobacco on the floor. I was so upset and drained. The thought of Coco coming back sickened me. I didn't want to deal with him at all or even see his face. I cringed at the thought of him. Something in me wanted revenge. So I opened up his suitcase to see what I could find... Something I didn't expect. A bunch of smelly clothes and boxers with holes and stains in them. The devil on the left side of my shoulder popped up and whispered  "Lena...I bet you won't smell it." And sure enough I did. I could've sworn I seen the light. That smell alone made me want to throw his whole suitcase in the dumpster. I got my phone and started to take a picture of it. Multiple pictures of different boxers I was going to post it days after he paid me in revenge of what he did to me and caused me. In the mist of snapping the photos I had an epiphany. This is the person Spazz turned me into. I was never like this. My revenge was to walk away and now all I want is to play dirty in return. I decided I wasn't going to post them and do him dirty like his underwear. I still kept them in my phone though just in case he goes next level when I kick him out.  The day went by and night fell. Again he was late coming back. Having a friend in my house wasn't going to slide this time. I mean it. When he came back he greeted me. I didn't know how to greet him. If I wanted to cuss him out, stay calm and play it cool, or confront him about the consequence he caused me. I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I was feeling every emotion and so many things were running through my head that I couldn't even react on one. He went to the closet and started packing his things. I'll be damned if I stopped him. " You leaving?" I asked with a indifferent tone. "Nah Im bout to go wash my clothes at my moma house" he said looking at me innocently. The urge of waving the probation notice in his face to make him feel guilty was itching. "Alright" I said and paid him no more attention. I continued to scroll on Facebook. The next day I dwelled on the fact that he had to "wash his clothes" because I seen that he left nothing behind. He left. Of course on Friday, payday. "So you moved out" I texted him. He didn't respond for hours but that was expected because I was up early now that I could stop going to sleep at 4 and 5 in the morning. Finally he responded. " Didn't you tell me to leave?" NIGGA WHAT?! When did I say that? I was thinking it but I know damn well I didn't say it out loud. "No?" I responded. "What you mean you snapped on me" he said. As if I was supposed to just be cool with another nigga, a stranger in my house unexpectedly. But I need to stay in character. I need to act like I want him around and like I miss him. I know when women kiss up to men it usually works. I just needed the light bill money. "Bruh come back" I demanded "im sorry for the bad vibes." An apology should sell it. " I was mad, I miss you." I added. "And for what though? You did all that embarrassing ass shit and still let us chill. All that shit you was saying was irrelevant" he replied. I wasn't expecting him to have a backbone at the moment. My baby daddy would've fell easily for some shit like an apology and I miss you and taking the blame. But no, not coco. I started to defend myself. I took my last shot at wooing him back in. "All you wanted to do was use me again" maybe that would make him feel guilty like he felt when he stole from me. "How did I use you girl you didn't give me nothing...what the fuck is you talking about I don't use nobody. You really don't know how I move and we not on the same page. Im stressing enough for you to be tripping on me." He responded. He has his foot down on this one. "No you came over acting like you missed me and shit and wanted to make up for what you did to me. You gave me some of the money back and spent it all the next day. After that I didn't even get as much as a hug from you and now that you got paid you want to leave and act like I did something horrible because I was mad" I think I made a pretty fair point. According to him, he didn't even get paid yet. He has to do a whole other week!! At that point I was no longer interested in even talking to him no more. "It's whatever" I quickly got over pushing the issue. "So can you stop saying that, im just trying to find me." "Sure" I said. I didn't want to hear that shit. 
Two days passed before I was emailed my second bill that was due. I freaked out because I didn't know how the hell I was going to pay it. At all. So I tried coco once more. "Can you still help me with the $75 for my light bill please" I asked. That was just a portion of it but that was also all he knew about when he stayed with me. Not the second portion wich was $137. "Are you pregnant?" He responded. I wanted to say yes so he could find a sense of responsibility and maybe actually give me back the money that I need urgently. But I would be a bold face liar because you can't detect a pregnancy in the matter of a week or even two. "I don't know yet coco, its too soon." I said. "You not" he replied simply. "But I don't even get paid yet" he continued. "Okay I'm just saying when you do. Im drowning right now honestly" I said. And that was no lie. I was scared. I didn't have child care or a baby sitter so I had no job therefore didn't know what I was going to do. Real world situations have me before clearly but this one I felt hit me the hardest. I was actually in jeopardy. "You what right now?" He asked. I guess he didn't catch my drift. "Struggling" I replied. "Nigga me too" he said. "I know 🙄" I couldn't control my attitude. Even when asking for something. He had me fucked up about the fact I was even doing this. I guess that was his most polite way to tell me no. I just felt so entitled to it. I stopped hearing from him.