Life Ran Into Me

Just say it

I woke up still pissed when I heard my dad cooking in the kitchen. He usually tries to make the girls something to eat before daycare just in case they don't get full from what they feed them there. "Good morning girls good morning daughter" he said in a cheerful tone. As if last night didn't happen. His New York accent weighed heavy like the professional gangstas in the mobs. Was he too drunk to remember? Or he just never found out I was in fact home when he cussed out my baby? I don't know but I still wasn't fucking with him. Looking at him made me pissed off all over again. I got the girls ready and let them eat their food as I got ready. "You ready?" He asked them as he put on his jacket. "I got it. Im bout to drop them off" I said trying to hide my attitude. "I got it daughter im headed that way anyway" he said. "I got it" I insisted. "Alright well I'll be here when you get back" he said as he cracked open a can of beer. I dropped the girls off to daycare and came in through the back door into my room so he wouldn't know that Im home. I sat on my bed contemplating how I was going to go off on him in rage for a good 30 minutes. Finally I got it. I knew exactly what I was going to say and how I was going to drown him in his own guilt to the point he's just as hurt as I am. I came out of the room ready to unleash all the anger I been saving. I approached him the kitchen.. " I gotta get to hustling it's happy hour" he said drinking his last swallow of beer. As soon as a began to speak a wave of sadness hit me. All my anger went out the window. I looked at him fighting to hold back every tear ready to fall down my face. "I gotta talk to you" I said folding my arms. "What's wrong?" He looked at me concerned. "I don't the way you talked to my baby last night." "Ahh" he grunted and threw up his hands as if he were aggravated already. " She only three years old and you talk to her like she's a grown man.. The things you said to her shouldn't nobody in their right mind say to a toddler!" I yelled in a shaky voice. My anger was coming back. "Daughter they gotta learn right from wrong. It's not that bad like you making it seem not like I beat them or nothing" he argued back. "I was here in my room and heard everything! It was ridiculous what you said to her it broke my heart.. For you to speak to your own grand kids that way should do the same to you. You even told my baby you should kill her.. You can't stay here if you're gonna talk to my kids like that. I never wanna hear you say nothing like that again. That hurt my feelings badly and im sure it hurt my baby's even worse." I said and walked away. I didn't want to hear whatever rebuttal he had to say. It wouldn't make sense. Even if it did, it wouldn't matter. I didn't want to be bothered at all so I stayed in my room for hours before coming out to get something to drink. And there he was. In the kitchen. With a brand new beer. He cracked it open as I walked past him to make a cup of water. It was nothing but silence. I figured explaining my feelings to him had took a toll on him and he was coming up with a way to apologize. As I'm leaving the kitchen he "Daughter.." I stopped and looked at him with a blank look. "I been thinking about what you said.." He nodded his head. "I think it's best if I just go. I don't mean to be so hard on them but that's just the way that I am and I won't change. That's how Im always gonna be. I don't like being spied on and I don't have patients like you do. I can't live by your rules. I can't live by nobody rules that's why I just live outside. It's better that way to me" he said as he started drinking some of his bear. "Im gonna pick the girls up from daycare and head to the beach". I took a deep breath. "No I got it." I said as I walked in my room and closed my door. Was that even an apology?