Life Ran Into Me

Get Out

I was so nervous to knock on the door to be let in because I knew it was gonna be him answering it. I had a really good day for it to be so shitty. I took a deep breath ready to face all the madness Coco was finna give me and knocked on the door face looking at the floor. Bella answered the door all happy and shit. "Hey girl" she said. "Hey" I wasn't too excited at the moment. I stepped in calm and ready to face him. But nope... He wasnt even there. "WHAT THE HELL!?" This nigga had me fucked up. Where was he at? Why he not here yelling at me right now? I don't think I had a right to feel mad but he had had me fucked up. Couldn't even say it was a full 3 minutes that Coco walked in behind me. I was hoping he didn't see Shon's car pull off.I wanted him to think I was there all day after the appointment. But he didn't look angry not one bit. He was actually trying to make me be in a good mood. He was supposed to be mad. He must've did something. But I won't bring up anything if he won't. We barely talked that night and it was awkward but gladly it didn't go left and we didn't argue. We just prepared ourselves for bed.

"Lena you need a phone." Shon had told me this in a phone call the next morning. He said that he had grown tired of messaging on Instagram and not being able to call me or me not being able to call him. He was concerned about me coming across an emergency the most and not having a phone to tell him. So he ended up buying me a phone and made sure he was the first person I called. I never understood how he cared about me so much but we couldn't be together. I guess this is what a real friendship with a guy is like. Minus the feelings. But I could never shake how much I love him so I always wanted to be more no matter what. Coco was starting to get jealous. He thought the phone was a bit much I could feel the trust between us leaving or maybe its been gone and we're just now exposing it. With him coming back to the room late at night every night and me hanging out with my ex, things were becoming rocky. A morning or two later I wake up to him going through my phone. Thank god im not a cheater otherwise I would've been caught red handed. But what he seen hurt his feelings just as much. He saw me venting to Shon about how much he's changed. "He thinks he's a king that I should treat him just as like everything he says go, he talks to me crazy and is entirely too rough and disrespectful he comes home late every night and i dont want to put him out because he has no where to go but he's stressing me out lately." I reached up and grabbed my phone to see what he was doing and there it was. My paragraph to my ex that I wasn't happy. Coco didn't even say anything to me he just looked at me and I could see all his feelings he built up for me was leaving. He looked sad and hurt and upset yet indifferent because he never liked to get mushy with me. He liked to hard. He just walked out and didnt come back until late that night. I didn't nag at him for coming back so late, I figured he wanted his space and yelling at him for wanting space is toxic. I didn't want to hurt him and aggravate him. So I let the night be. I felt so much guilt I could barely sleep. So I was up early in the morning. Out of no where he gets a Snapchat message. "What the fuck I didn't even know this nigga uses snapchat" I thought. "Yusef get yo ass up!" I wasted no time to figure out what was going on. "Who the fuck is Brittany Nixon?" I got more and more angry the more questions I asked. "Why the fuck she texting you saying she miss you?" He laughed telling me to calm down. "So this shit funny to you? This why you always come back late every night?" I was ready to smack his big buff ass. "Bruh why you trippin" he said in a indifferent way as if he didn't even care. "You know what get yo shit and go since you wanna be a hoe!" I grabbed his stuff and started packing it for him. "Bruh I was just using her, I don't take that lil ass girl serious" he then started to defend his self. "Is this all your stuff? Do you have anything else?" I said while zipping up his tote bag and stuffing his nike slides in the zipper. "Bruh stop doing all that you not even lettin me explain" "Go ahead then. Explain." I said with my hand on hips looking him directly in his eyes. He couldn't even lie fast enough "I said I was just using her, I'll stop talkin to her." He said getting serious. "Well you can just use her at her house" I made my decision. Those were my final words to him. He had to go. "Ight bruh" he said as he grabbed his tote bag and headed out the door. I didn't know that would be the last time I see him for a very long time.

It seemed that it was destined for him to get kicked out though because the very next day Bella said she got a phone call from her mom saying My cousin Latifah had let them move in her house and that we were welcomed. Coco wasn't allowed to come so had I stayed with him anyway, I wouldn't have known what to do for him. It was such a coincidence. I felt even though we were still in a rough predicament, things were starting to look up now that we were able to get out of that hotel. At this time I was about 7 months pregnant. My stomach made me feel like I was going to tip over. Moving to her house felt like heaven until it became night time. Everyone was fast asleep but me. Why? Because the couch had been taken up by my cousin stacie who was also pregnant and her mom, bella and her toddler on the other couch and karla and verdel slept in latifah's bed and Jessey made a pallete on the floor. I didn't want to disturb anyone so I took the only sheet that was left and slept on the floor next to my sister.  This went on for about three days until it was noticed that I was sleeping on the floor. I went to sleep after everybody and woke up before everybody so no one knew. Bella would stay the night at her new boyfriend that she knew for many years house some nights and karla would stay at her boyfriend's house some nights. So withinbthose nights I wouldbtake that opportunity to sleep in latifah's bed. Food was moderate but at that time I started to receive foodstamps. It wasn't much but I helped with food with what I had and saved some for myself. I stayed at latifah's house for about a month due to an altercation I had with my auntie and my cousin. It was pretty intense. During this stay I've met up with Shon plenty of times. Every night he would get off work he'd come to see me and light my heart up. I was getting more and mkre stressed because me and my auntie didnt have a good relationship for as fsr as I can remember. I didn't like her and she didnt like me. Never have never will. I love her and she loves me and we've had many great times but that's all. It was mostly hate and shade. She was being paid from the state to take car of me and my sister. She wasn't receiving money for my sister anymkre because she aged out but this was my last year belonging to the state. I would get about $300 a month to support me but every month I asked was a different excuse. "It didn't come this month. I put it in the bank for you. I have to talk to the case worker something happened. I used it for do and so I'll give it back." I never received any of my money. I knew she had a life and bills to pay but at this point so did I. I didn't even have as much as a pacifier for my babies. I felt so ashamed because I already was failing as a mom before i even fully became one. I then received news that my kids may be taken away at the hospital if I couldn't prove I had a stable home or income. I felt my whole world constantly falling apart after I met Spazz. I began to have suicidal thoughts. Everyday I cried so hard I couldn't breathe and felt i was going to pass out. One good thing happened though. I was able to get back in school. Lone star it was. I was on the city bus bright and early every morning determined to atleast finish school for my kids. One night came up that me and stacie both pregnant as hell were walking to get food for the house. We are both picky so we didn't want the same things that we had to buy with my food stamps. So I thought the choice would be mine. We got into an argument and she called her mom. Her mom decided to take it upon her self to buy everybody burger kind instead of using my stamps in which I absolutely no problem with. Until the slick remarks came from Stacie. "She act like we need her stamps" she said loud enough so I can hear but low enough to sound like she was having a casual conversation with her mom. Me and stacie got along just a pinch more than me and her mom. Wasnt much at all. So I wasn't standing for the bullshit and I snapped. Winn Dixie was like a mile away and no one wantef to go get food for anyone but I was willing to walk and get it and they had the nerve to be picky and throw shade. Her mom backed her up and I blew up and said "I don't have to buy shit for none of yall!" I never spoke to her like that out of respect but at the moment I lost it all. She retaliated quickly she balled her fist and yelled(I don't care if you pregnant I will-) I cut her off and and started walking towards her and said "I wish you would put your hands on me while im pregnant I will fuck you up." My soster came to hold me back and started yellin trying to talk some since into me while im still talking my mess and my auntie talking her mess. I knew I was far out of line but I had enough of her. She hated me I hated her. Everyone in my family got disciplined but not the way I was disciplined, for every and anything. I was almost grown and pregnant there's no way I would let her put her hands on me or even threatened to do it.  She told everyone what happened. She said that I tried to fight her. Apparently I caused us to receive noise complaints but my auntie was paying the bills so whatever she said happened, happened. I was kicked out that fast. Isn't karma a bitch..