Life Ran Into Me

Ready Or Not You're Going

Not again. It's only been about a month since I was sure I had somewhere to lay my head and now I'm back in square one with no where to go. But this time not with my family. Just me and my sister. Jessey stayed by my side during this period whenever I went she went whever I wasn't allowed to go she didn't want to go. We were like glue and paper. We brainstormed all the places we could go and all the shelters that would take us right away but no one could come to the rescue. I really thought if I just killed myself I wouldn't have to suffer all this stuff anymore and that my kids wouldn't have to either. I had this huge headache from stress and thought this was my pass. So before leaving I took a bottle of Ibuprofen from Latifah's house. I knew If I took enough I would go to sleep and not wake up. So I took two. I was so scared to do it because the actual thought of killing myself was there. I was never going to see life again but at the same time that sounded just about right so I took three more and began to feel the effects of it. I thought two more would do it. So I took two more. A part of me knew taking the whole bottle would do it for sure but the other part of me would only let me take that many I couldn't take any more. It was me protecting myself from me at the same time I was battling myself. I fell asleep in Latifah's bed for the last time hoping I wouldn't wake up but I did. "Lena get up we going to Pooh's house. Get yo stuff we finna get on the bus" Jessey told me. I woke up feeling beyond tired. Pooh is my sister is my 4th oldest sister who I love dearly. She's also the one who came through with the publix sub for me back in the hotel. When we got to her house I was so happy to see her because I knew she would have my back. Spending time with my nephews was such an exhale from the bullshit because they're you and only happy and couldn't talk to me about life. The comfort lasted for 2 days. My sister wanted us there but her baby daddy didn't. He only let us stay there under the impression we would be there for 2 or 3 days. Day by day he became more irritated with me and Jessey sleeping on his couches, using the lights, eating food we didn't pay for. I was puzzled because I had food stamps and every time I announced I was going to the store I asked if there was anything they wanted me to bring back. They said no every time so I only bought snacks. And milk. No food. I didn't know where the problem was if he kept saying no thanks. By this time it was October. 1 month away from my due date. Hurricane Matthew knocked out the power. It was hot all day even at night his attitude became more solid by the hour he would even as much crack a grin at us. We knew we that he didn't want us there no more. Shon would swing by when he got off of work to chill with me in his car with A/C so I would be up very late at night/ early in the morning. This cause me to sleep in late. In the morning Jessey had left for work and pooh had took her kids to run errands. It was just me and Felix left in the house that morning. We didn't speak when we saw each other because the tention was obvious at that point and I was tired. I was 9 months pregnant and also had a severe cold. I just wanted to sleep. So I laid back on the couch and he wasn't having that. "You need to get up and find something to do you cant be sleeping on that couch all day." He said firmly. It was only 9am "I don't have no where to go I cant go to school because I dont have any money to get there and back, only to get there." I complained "Go walk around the neighborhood go to the park or something, you're not gonna lay on that couch all day" he said very annoyed. I waited until he turned his back to roll my eyes. I didn't even know this neighborhood and it was hot asf outside. I took my phone and my purse as I started to take this walk. Pooh called to check on me and I told her what happened. "He did what!?" She said. She sounded so angry. "Im about to go over there now where are you?" "I don't know he told me I had to get out of the house because I can't sit in there all day. "In this sun!?" She was talking a mile a minute furious with him. I called Jessey and let her know what had been going on while she was at work. She broke the news to me that she could no longer work for Krystal. It was just bad news after bad news. When was it going to end? Pooh had called me back and let me know that Jessey and my oldest sister had made arrangements for us to stay at her house because felix did not want us to come back to his house. So pooh packed our things for us and brought it to my oldest sister house Shanta. Pooh was so hurt and upset she didn't know what to do. But what vould she do? She did everything she had control of. I'll never stop loving her for that.  Once Jessey made it to Shanta's house along with me and pooh, we spent a little quality sister time.

Later that night Shanta's babydaddy snipe wanted to lay down the terms and conditions of staying there. He only let us stay there out of respect for my sister. So me and Jessey took a seat on the floor in their room while Shanta and Snipe began to explain arragments. They made it very clear that we could stay there until we get on our feet. Jessey was required to put money on the lights whenever she got paid and I haf to put food in the house with my stamps. Me and jessey had to keep the house clean and take turns washing dishes every night no excuses and we couldn't be out past 10pm or the doors would be locked because Shanta has tonwake up early every morning for mommy duties. If we stayed out past 10pm, the only way we could get in is if me or jessey were awake to open the door. The rules were okay with me. It was nothing insane and very reasonable. So we agreed on them. "Alright you'll go get me a cup of water" he said to Jessey. It was in the form of a question but sounded more like a demand. Jessey hesitated to do it but she did. "His baby mama was RIGHT THERE laying up under him, why the hell would he ask us to get him a cup of water as if we agreed on being servants?" I thought. I knew this stay was going to be hell. I continued to go back to school for about a week before I some what dropped out. School was adding more stress that I didn't want to deal with. I had enough of it. On top of the fact that I was back to sleeping on the floor again. Shanta's babydaddy worked at a furniture store and was working to get the house furnished. But for about 2 weeks I grabbed my pillow and blanket and slept on the floor next to my sister. Over time life was full of shit for me and jessey we started to  bump head every single day. We became fire and water. Jessey was constantly being threatened to be kicked out if she didnt get on her shit and I was upset with jessey as well because when she got paid she put money on the lights and spent the rest on liquor and herself. I was heartbroken because if we switched places I would've put money on the lights and cashed my whole check out on my neices knowing they had nothing. Snipe had also came up with a new rule. "No more naps during the day." He said he felt as if we shouldn't be sleeping past the time he is awake. That included the mornings too on weekends. I hated being stuck in my sister's house and so did jessey. We left every opportunity we got.

Shon would come around and take me to my doctor appointments and to his house and to chill or even just to simply get some sleep in his bed and some nights just to have sex in the car. He was here for me throughout majority of my pregnancy and cared about me so I didn't even mind having sex with him even though I could go into labor at any given day.

November 13th in the morning I went to go pee. I felt alot of slimy stuff when I wiped my vagina so I thought it was my mucus plug. I didn't know or search much about pregnancy. I posted on Facebook that i'd lost my mucus plug and once Shanta found out she panicked. Every time i went to the bathroom and was in there for as long as even 2 minutes Shanta would come knocking on the door. I was the only one who could drink out of her favorite mug and she cooked for me alot. She went on long walks with me trying help me walk the babies down because they were making it really hard for me to breathe. I really couldn't I was scared for my life around that time. So agter she seen that my mucus plug came out she was not with the shits. I kept telling her I felt fine and I was even sure if that's what it was. Next thing I know the ambulance are outside and runs out there yelling "My sister might be in labor yall need to take her!" She was not taking no for an answer and sure enough my ass was in that ambulance on the way to the hospital. They informed me that they were going to seduce that day.