ו~secrets~•× /Trans Karl/

Chapter 25: trapped

(OOH YOU GUYS ARE NOT READY FOR THIS CHAPTER PLEASE-)

Frogs croaked and crickets had a symphony of noises. Tommy hated it.

He pulled his pillow over his head and groaned loudly. He turned his fan on high but still heard the noises. He groaned and looked out the window at the moon. It was like his senses were heightened. He could hear everything.

He sat up and hugged covering his ears. It was to loud. He looked at his ceiling and layed down. He hugged himself and the thoughts settled in.
Earlier today he and wilbur got in a big fight. This was the reason he couldn't sleep.

He shifted. Maybe what wilbur said was right...

"Why can't you just realize how selfish you are!?" Wilbur yelled at tommy. Tommy growled "I am not selfish!" "You are! You think your above everyone else in this house! Like your entitled!"

Tommy stood in the doorway at the hall and glared at him. "Dad was just trying to be nice!" "I don't care!" "Of course you don't you never do!" Tommy growled "well what about you!? Mr 'oh I'm so edgy I make awful music about being sad about a lover that doesn't exist" tommy growled

Wilbur was getting more pissed every word he spoke. "Well at least I'm not a selfish asshole who only thinks about myself just because I'm going through my own problems but I won't let anyone help me because I'm to entitled!"

That set tommy off, that was so incorrect. He only never talked to anyone because he didn't want them in his own problems. He was a big man.

"I'm a big man! I can do whatever I want!" 'wait that's not what I meant to say..' he thought. His mouth kept talking, but his mind was trying to get him to say things that had sympathy, and the truth of how he felt but his teenage body just kept all those thoughts trapped and bubbled in his mind.

"If you were really a man you wouldn't act like a fucking bitch!" Wilbur growled "what the fuck is that supposed to mean!?" He glared. "You act like a teenage girl on her damn period you insensitive prick!"

Tommys mouth stopped running. He looked at wilbur and stepped back. "Fuck you" he turned around and ran off to his room leaving wilbur to process what he'd just said. And wilbur felt so bad. Techno couldn't do anything, he stood there shocked.

Tommy laid there thinking about what he said... It was true.. why couldn't he just tell them what he really was thinking?.. everything sucked.. he teared up but made no facial expression. 'if you were really a man you wouldn't be acting like a little bitch!' that wasn't exactly what wilbur said but that's how tommy heard it.

He gripped his bed and bit his lip.
Maybe he wasnt a man.. he wasn't a 'big man' as he made himself out to be.. deep down he was still who he was born as and it showed..

A girl.

He sat up and opened his dresser pulling out a picture. Phil was holding a little girl with blonde pigtails. Tommy was 7 in this picture. He had on a pink shirt and long black pants. He was covered in mid and held a frog. The blonde pigtails were tied with blue bows.

He looked at it and sat it down. He wasn't a man.. he never would be.. wilbur was definitely right..

He laid down and curled up. He was trapped in his own mind, unable to tell his family how he really felt.. and it sucked.. they all though he was a mean little prick who only cared about himself.

That was so far from the truth..

Tommy eventually fell asleep.

The next morning he woke up and groaned. He sat up and went to his mirror. He had tear stains on his cheeks. His hair was a mess and he had red under his eyes from crying.

He looked down and hesitantly opened his room door. Wilbur and technos door was open. He crept to the bathroom and washed his face off. He didn't feel like brushing his hair.

He walked to his room and shut his door again. He sat on his bed and looked at the floor. He didn't know what to do or how to feel at the moment. He felt like a shell, he was on the inside and the outside was just a protective layer, defending himself.

He gripped his hair and slid into the floor and cried. He never felt this hopeless. He heard a knock on his door. It was phil telling him breakfast was ready. Tommy didn't feel like eating. Or leaving his room. Definitely not seeing wilbur.

He crawles under his bed and opened his laptop curling up in a blanket. Under his bed was his get away from family basically. He laid his head down and watched YouTube.

Techno was so worried about tommy. Phil didn't know about the argument and wilbur felt awful. Usually tommy would have ran downstairs trying to get the first peice of (fake) bacon.

But tommy didn't come down. He didn't want the first peice. He didn't deserve any. He said things to wilbur he shouldn't have and he didn't mean. Wilbur hardly ate. Phil noticed something was off..

He got wilbur to tell him what happened and wilbur broke down. Phil was surprised wilbur said that. He went upstairs and knocked on tommy's door. Tommy didn't answer.

Phil opened the door and looked around "tommy?." Tommy sighed "what." "Oh.. what're you doing under there?' he ask "go. Away." Phil sighed "tommy-" "I said go away" phil frowned "ok son.. please make sure you drink some water..

Tommy did it again. He lashed out at someone he loved. He was awful. He made his family feel bad. Phil came back downstairs "he won't let me talk to him.." techno stood up. "He'll talk to me.." he said walking upstairs.

He went in his room and shut the door. Tommy jumped. Techno sat down at tommy's bed and sighed. "Tommy.. are you still upset about the argument?."

Tommy curled up more and shifted. "... Go away" he was pushing someone else away. "No" techno simply replied. Tommy looked at techno, what he could see at least. "Techno just go away." Techno hummed and shook his head "nah" he growled "why won't you leave me alone!?"

"Because you need someone."

Tommy growled "no I don't! I'm perfectly fine on my own! I'm fine I can do things myself!" "But you don't have to deal with this alone.."

Tommy had trouble arguing with techno. He avoided arguments with techno. "Why do you care!?"
"Because your my brother" tommy crawled out and glared. "Your glares aren't gonna make me mad or go away.. tommy.. I can see behind your eyes you want help.. you need it.."

Techno saw. Behind the hard defensive shell, tommy didn't mean it.
He looked at techno and sobbed again. "I-i can't do this techno it's so hard"

Techno hugged his brother. "I-i hurt everyone I love and make them unhapy, I try so hard not to show weakness but I end up hurting someone, I just want to tell them what I really think!"

"And what is it you really think tommy?." Tommy clung to his brother and cried. "I-im not trying to be insensitive, or a prick, I'm scared you'll see me as a weak little girl not a big man, i-i don't mean to ruin people's things it's an accident- usually, b-but the only reason i do it on purpose is because- i-im trying not to show weakness"

Techno nodded "I understand tommy.. voices in my head tell me to do things I don't want to.. and when I realize I've done it I regret it so much.. but the difference is people understand it wasn't me who did it.. it was the voices.. and no one understands you don't mean it.. you just need help.. you want attention.. you want someone to understand you like they do me.."

Tommy sobbed and gripped him. "Well I understand you tommy.. others may not but it do, I know you don't mean it, I know.." him and techno stayed like that for 20 minutes. Techno cradling his misunderstood brother.

"I.. it's so hard y'know.." tommy finally spoke up. "Dealing with so many things.. especially if I cant be who I really want to.."

Techno took his hands and looked at him "tommy.. you already are who you are.. my brother, wilburs brother, a son, a best friend, a friend, a family member. Your you.. it doesn't matter what you look like or do or say.. you'll always be who you make yourself..

Your tommy..."