ו~secrets~•× /Trans Karl/

Chapter 38: I'm sorry I'm alive..

Tommy sobbed in his bathroom floor looking at the blood, what had he just done?..

How did we get here?..

Well here's the story.

Also warning ⚠️ for this chapter

༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ༎ຶ

Tommy woke up this morning and immediately felt aweful. He put on his binder and a sweater instead of his shirt. He felt insecure about it since will told him it was ugly. He put on some brown khakis and black socks. He walked out and sat at the table squeezing a fidget ball.

Phil was making blueberry pancakes. Wilbur was in his room getting dressed and techno was watching his morning show. Phil sat the plate of pancakes down for them all.

Tommy grabbed a fork and sighed. Wilbur came in and looked at tommy. "Why do you look like me?" He ask sitting at the table. Tommy rolled his eyes. "I don't. My other shirt was- dirty.." he mumbled.

Wilbur shook his head and thanked phil and ate. Techno came over and ate as well. Tommy just picked at the food and looked down. Wilbur got up "I have to go to the beach area but I'll be back later"

Phil nodded. "Alright, be safe ok?" Wilbur nodded and headed out. Tommy got up. "hey tommy, you haven't eaten at all" phil pointed out. Tommy huffed "thanks but I'm not that hungry" he walked back to his room and sat on his bed.

He shifted and laid down. He thought about texting tubbo. But he didn't want to bother him.. he thought about talking to techno, but he'd probably be to interested in his show, and phil.. well, he was out of the question. Wilbur to. He was gone anyways.

Tommy realized he didn't really have many people to talk to. He sighed and closed his eyes.

He woke up to his phone buzzing. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. It was tubbo. Tommy answered in a grogy tone. "Hello?" Tubbo seemed cheery already. "Hiya toms! I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out today?" Tommy looked down.

"Um.. maybe not today, I'm kinda busy y'know, big man stuff" he lied. "Oh ok! Text me if anything changes then!" Tommy hung up after a goodbye and he looked at his wall. He felt bad for lying but he didn't feel like doing anything today. He felt.. sad, and he didn't know why.

The day passed with wilbur being an ass but jokingly, techno being as monotone as usual and phil conversating with them a bit. Tommy laid on the couch and jumped feeling someone flop down beside him. "oi move over a bit your tall lanky body is in the way" wilbur huffed.

Tommy glared at him. He was supper annoyed today. He felt aweful, he felt like crying but his sadness just went away or turned to anger. He rolled his eyes and curled up. Wilbur smiled "thanks"

Tommy looked back at the tv and sighed. He didn't know what to do at the moment. He started thinking.. scary thoughts..

His family didn't need him they'd be better off without him. All his smart remarks and fighting, he was a terrible son and brother..

He looked at his hands and frowned getting up. "Where are you going?" Wibur ask. Tommy glanced at him "worry about yourself" he muttered. "Christ tommy you don't have to be such a dick'

Tommy just looked down "I know.." he went to his room and shut his door slowly. He sat on his bed and grabbed his phone.

Tommy: hey tubster, so sorry I couldn't hang out today, we can try again tomorrow?

Tubbo: no it's fine tommy, I have plans tomorrow with ranboo but we can another day?

Tommy stared at his phone. Not even his best friend needed him. Tubbo and ranboo had been hanging out a lot more.. he was loosing his best friend..

He slowly texted out a reply and sat his phone down standing up. He left the phone on the bed and went to the bathroom shutting and locking the door. Why was he having these aweful thoughts?..

//Tw: blood/self harm :( //

Tommy stood at the mirror and stared at himself. He looked so sad.. he bit his lip and teared up. He gripped his hair as the thoughts spiraled.

He knocked a small mirror on the ground and it broke. He sat on the floor holding his ears. The voices kept telling him what he didn't want to hear, but he thought it was true..

He grabbed a glass shard and cried. "Shut up!" He sobbed scraping the glass against his arm. It hurt, but he thought less about those aweful thoughts. He hiccuped and gripped his hair with his arm and laid it back down. "Just s-stop.."

He leaned on the wall. His arm bled, he'd created about 8 cuts on his arm..
He cleaned up the glass and washed off his arm wiping his eyes. He looked in the cabinet and bandaged his arm.

Why did the voices go away like that?..

(Tw over)

He slowly walked back out and wiped his eyes. They heard banging on their front door. Techno sprung up and looked out. It was tubbo. He opened the door. Tubbo was crying and looked terrified.

"Wha- tubbo??" Wilbur ask. "What are you doing h-" "where's tommy!?" "Uh.. he's in his room I think wh-"
"He texted me about 15 minutes ago something very very worrisome! I think h-he might do something bad"

"Bad like what?" "K*ll himself!" Tubbo cried out. Techno stood there and looked at him. "what was the text?"

Tommy: no it's fine, I won't be here for you to worry about anyway..

Tommy didn't even realize what he sent. His mind made him.

Techno looked at wilbur and immediately turned running to tommy's door slamming it open. "tommy!?" Tommy jumped and looked at him. "What the fuck-"

Tubbo ran in and jumped on him hugging him tightly crying. "Oh my god Im so glad your ok! You scared me! I thought you'd be dead when I got here!"

Tommy blinked "dead? Why?" Tubbo pulled out his phone "you texted me this!" He showed him. Tommy closed his mouth "I- uh.. I'm sorry I guess I didn't mean to?-" tubbo sighed and hugged him tightly again.

Techno ran a hand through his hair "jesus tommy why're you scaring everyone?" He leaned on the wall. Tommy sighed "I didn't mean to, and I didn't ask anyone to worry anyways"

Wilbur sighed softly "we were worried though.." tommy shifted "geez sorry" tubbo shook his head "n-no it's fine- I'm just so glad your ok.."

Tommy was confused.. why did everyone care so much?..