ו~secrets~•× /Trans Karl/

Chapter 47: I'm not angry anymore

Tommy sat on the livingroom couch with a bag of clothes and stuff he'd need to go somewhere overnight. He was going to tubbos. Things at home just stressed him out so he wanted to go stay with tubbo. Tubbo actually lived with ranboo since his dad, schlatt, was no where to be found.

Everyone just assumed he was dead. It wasn't like tubbo was close to his dad. He left him in a box in the woods when he was small. Then years later he found out schlatt was his dad. He wasn't very fond of him anyways.

Tommy shifted and stood up. It was around 5 pm. Tubbo was supposed to show up with ranboo then. Just on cue he heard a knock. He grabbed the bookbag and put it on. He went to the door and opened it. He looked up at the tall ender boy and then down at his best friend.

He looked back into his house "I'm gone!" He shouted. He got an ok from a few people. He shut the door and followed tubbo and ranboo to their home. They lived in the snow biom that wasn't to far from him.

Tommy sighed softly. "So, what have you two been up to recently?" Tubbo smiled "building houses and getting stuff like food and supplies, we have a pet fox!" He smiled. Tommy nodded slowly.

Ranboo and tubbo were very close as of about two months ago. Yeah, they knew eachother but they'd gotten to be better friends eventually. Tommy followed them into their home and he looked around. There was a fire place in a livingroom and the kitchen wasn't to far from the livingroom.

"Nice place.." he mumbled. Tubbo smiled happily "thanks! We worked hard on it" ranboo nodded. Tommy glanced at ranboo. He didn't know exactly how to feel around him. He felt jealous that he spent more time with his best friend than he got to.

But he wasn't really angry.. recently tommy hadn't lashed out at anyone.. instead he'd just shut his mouth and look down. No matter what they said to him he just.. didn't feel like he could or should say anything smart back, even when he had the right to.

He sat the bag down on the floor and tugged at his hoodie sleeves. He'd become more timid and way less loud. Everyone at home had noticed but mostly liked it. It was more peaceful.

Techno was worried though.. tommy just told him he didn't feel like yelling. Wilbur missed the upbeat kid tommy was but there was nothing he could do. He'd try and poke fun at tommy to get a reaction but tommy just stared at his lap and didn't respond.
No matter what he said.

Tommy looked around. "Make yourself at home, we're making hot chocolate later and watching a movie" tubbo smiled happily. Ranboo fixed the coat racket and went to the kitchen. "Did you want any?" Ranboo ask.

Tommy looked at his hands "sure.." ranboo started making the hot chocolate. Tubbo sat on the couch. "C'mon tommy sit! You don't have to just stand there" tommy nodded and sat down slowly.

Tubbo turned on the tv and flipped to the movie section. Ranboo sat the mugs down at them on coasters and sat in-between them. Tommy pulled his knees to his chest and thanked him. Ranboo nodded but he noticed how.. dead tommy looked. Tommy never had acted like this.. be was so quiet.

Tubbo turned on the movie and sat down the remote. Ranboo pulled a blanket over them and smiled. "There's a blanket behind you if you want it" ranboo said. Tommy grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around himself. He leaned his head into his own shoulder and stayed curled up.

Ranboo felt tommy's energy. He was drained and sad... He didn't feel good and he was in pain.. ranboo shifted. He didn't know what to do but he needed to do something.. tommy wouldn't get better without help.

Tommy had been fine two months ago.. what changed?...

The voices.

That's what changed him.

But no one but tommy knew he even had voices. Maybe techno but apparently he didn't care to much to ask if he knew. So tommy, was alone.
In his own head, he felt alone like no one could help because it's all in his head, no one could get in his head.

(Tw: mention of cutting and depression)

Tommy took care of the voices the only way he knew how to.. pain. It made them stop yelling at him, stop talking or doing anything. He didn't do it often, only when they got bad, which was maybe once a week or two.

So the other scars healed only to be replaced when it got so bad. Tommy didn't know what else to do to stop the voices. He didn't know how to tell anyone or do anything. But little did he know someone who could help him was right beside him...

Tubbo turned off the tv and yawned. "How was that movie?" Ranboo smiled. "It was cool" tommy shrugged "um- it was ok-" tommy didn't pay much attention. Tubbo got up and smiled. "Well, I'm gonna go get the beds ready, be back!" He walked off.
Leaving tommy and ranboo alone together.

Tommy looked at his sleeves and shifted. He didn't know what to do or say. He didn't have anything to fidget with but his sleeves. So he just played with those. Ranboo looked at tommy and sighed softly. "Hey.."

Tommy shifted. Why was he talking to him? "Hi.." he mumbled hoping tubbo would come back. "I know we don't talk a lot, but I noticed your.. um.." tommy froze. There was no way ranboo noticed his arm. He kept it covered the whole time right??

"Unhappy.." tommy let out a small sigh of relief. But at the same time that wasn't good either?.. "what do you mean?.." he ask quietly. "I can tell somethings wrong.. your really quiet and more fidgety than usual. Also I can sense some bad emotions from you.."

Tommy sighed and looked away. "Just don't tell tubbo. I don't like worrying him." Ranboo nodded "would you like to talk to me about it?.. I promise I keep secrets safe.." tommy sighed "why can I trust you?..'

Ranboo shifted. No, he didn't want anyone to know about his voices, but if he was correct, tommy had bad voices to. Ranboo pointed at his head "voices. I um.. have them." Tommy sat up and looked at him. "You do?.. what- uh.. do they say?."

Ranboo took a breath "bbad things I guess?.. that im- uh, not a very good person but I do think I'm not a horrible person- they say things I don't recall doing but- it sounds so true.."

Tommy nodded. "mine just yell at me until i-" he cleared his throat. "Sometimes it gets bad, like.. really bad... I can't hear anything but the voices and theirs so many I-i don't know what else to do i-" he felt arms wrap around him. Ranboo was hugging him?.. but why?.. they never even really talked.. why'd he care?..

Tommy couldn't help but hug back. He hadn't had a hug in so long. "I-i know what you mean- I created something I call a 'panic room' I um.. go in there when things get bad. I-i don't really do anything other than procrastinate and uh- cry?.. I just- sit in the corner and rock gripping onto my hair until I calm down?.."

Tommy nodded slowly. "I-im sorry.." ranboo nodded and continue hugging him "me to.." tommy wasn't jealous anymore. Tubbo deserved such a good friend. Ranboo understood him..

He was there when no one else could understand what he was going through.. ranboo was a good person...

maybe..

This was a start of a good friendship..