Hilarious Texts And Tales Of The Clone Wars

Maul's glasses

Maul: Savage, what is ketchup doing all over the wall?

Savage: What?? Uh, that's...your lightsaber

Maul: What? Oh. Pfft, I knew that.

Savage: Ok....

Maul: Ahhh!!!!! What is that circular round DVD disk doing on the floor???

Savage: ....um, that's your pancake. You know, the one you threw at the tv when Kenobi came on the news?

Maul: Kenobi...right, right

Savage: Brother, don't take this the wrong way, but do you need to get your eyes checked?

Maul: -gasps- I am an X-Sith lord!!! I don't need to get my vision checked like insolent beings!!!!

Savage: I'm just saying, this is the third time in the last week when you've thought our mailbox was a human intruder, so you threw your lightsaber and cut it in two

Maul: .....so?

Savage: I'm just saying that gorilla tape isn't going to last forever. Come on, what happens if you really do need glasses or something-

Maul: Me??? Glasses???? Nooo!!!!

Savage: I'm just saying it's possible

Maul: Glasses??? I can't go around wearing glasses! I'll look like a nerd!

Savage: So you'd rather get humiliated on the battlefield because you couldn't tell a clone from a tree?

Maul: ....

Savage: Well?

Maul: Say, if I was interested in getting my vision examined, were would I go?

Savage: The eye doctor. I just got my reminder to get rechecked again in the mail....before you, you know, cut it in two

Maul: Onward then!

Savage: Woahhh, I'll drive. Wait, where are the keys.

-Maul hands him the remains of the keys that have been cut to shreds.

Savage: What- happened?

Maul: ....I thought they were a cockroach.

Later:

Savage: I knew it! See, I was right. You did need glasses. You know, if we didn't have this whole get revenge on Kenobi business, I would be a doctor

Maul: Stick to cutting people in half, not sticking them back together. Trust me, it's easier.

Savage: Okay....So...what kind of glasses are you going to get?

Maul: I don't know! How can I see what they look like if my vision is flawed! Besides, my eyes still hurt from that puff of air they thrusted into my eye!!!!

Savage: Woah, calm down. What about this pair?

Maul: Hmm, red, just like blood. Oh, hey, it's only 5 dollars for them

Savage: Um, that says 500 dollars

Maul: FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR A PAIR OF GLASSES???? Is be better off buying a dozen bombs to blow Kenobi away with

Savage: But what if you blow the wrong person up because you can't see??

Maul: Again, brother, you have a fair point

Savage: Yeah. I guess we'll have to-

Mual: Steal the glasses.

Savage: What? But that's illegal!