Hilarious Texts And Tales Of The Clone Wars

Revenge of the Fifth

Sidious has added Count Dooku, General Grevious, Ventress, Maul, and Savage to this chat

Sidious: greetings, my dark minions

Count Dooku: same to you. What is it that brings your concern to us my lord?

Ventress: yeah. Why the chicken are you bugging us for?

Sidious: to say, happy revenge of the fifth!

Grevious: so are we doing anything to get revenge or what?

Savage: yeah! We could throw a dark side party with black balloons and black tablecloths and black-

Maul: bro, that is so lame. And I'm not doing anything you say Sidious. Your not my master anymore.

Sidious: whatever

Ventress: ....did you get fired?

Maul: did you?

Ventress: I was practically murdered by my master

Maul: I was left for dead

Count Dooku: well you were getting annoying! And you forgot to sweep the floor!

Savage: you were fired for forgetting to sweep the floor?!

Ventress: well not exactly...

Grevious: Dooku is such a clean freak. I haven't cleaned my house since I was 3.

Maul: and how old are you?

Grevious: I wish I knew

Count Dooku: pay him no mind. He's almost dead anyways.

Ventress: yeah, but who's going to clean his house out when he's dead?

Count Dooku:

Savage: eh, well just leave it as general Grevious's sacred hut

Maul: so is there anything actaully important going on? I have evil plans to work on!

Savage: you mean figuring out how to steal food from a grocery store?

Maul: sh! That was supposed to be secret!

Sidious: well I was going to host a revenge of the fifth party to get back at all the others who didn't invite me...

Grevious: If there's cough syrup served on some pancakes, then I'm coming

Count Dooku: of course I shall come my lord

Ventress: I'll come on one condition. You make that incredible lasagna you made at that annual lords of the Sith party

Sidious: well I was going to make some bean burritos, but okay

Maul: how do I know that this "party" isn't a trap?

Grevious: you don't

Sidious: oh for goodness snake its revenge of the fifth! All of us bad guys get together and throw a way better party than everyone else!

Savage: I'll come! And I'll bring along a roasted bantha. I cooked it in my microwave

Ventress: you cooked meat in a microwave?

Savage: I saw it on pinterest, and I think it worked!

Maul: it's better than meat cooked in an solar oven...

Savage: yeah, pretty sure that one didn't cook right...

Count Dooku: I will bring some coffee. I think we'll all need it considering how stressful yesterday was

Savage: how was it stressful?

Count Dooku: oh, just the usual 100000000000 messages and pics from Anakin Skywalker saying how awesome may the fourth was

Grevious: I just blocked that loser on Spacebook. I haven't even met him in person...

Maul: he is quite an annoyance.

Ventress: glad I'm not the only one who he messages to death.

Sidious: Skywalker...soon he will be my next apprentice and you all will be dead...

Savage: what did you say?

Sidious: nothing!

Ventress: scroll up and read his message. Unbelievable....

Sidious has removed a message

Grevious: seriously!

Ventress: if anyone is going to die it's going to be Grevious, not me

Count Dooku: I might be old, but I still have a lot of life left in me!

Ventress: when was the last time you surfed?

Count Dooku: 6, no..8...10 Years ago! Man, I am old

Sidious: I'm already like 60, and my plans have barely begun...

Savage: (I bet he's going to buy a convertible)

Sidious: anyways, all of you are invited to my party at the park at 5. Bring some kind of food or I'll kick you out with a stick

Ventress: fine. I'll bring these burnt hot dogs I attempted to cook the other day

Maul: I got chips. LOTS of chips.

Savage: yeah. They're starting to overflow the laundry room

Maul: ah, yes. I need to clear some space...its been years since I've seen my washing machine....

Grevious: I don't have one!

Ventress: what a surprise

Grevious: well I don't have clothes, so...

Count Dooku: you have a cape, do you not?

Grevious: nobody washes those things

Count Dooku:

Sidious: well I'm tired to chatting with you weirdos. I'm leaving to start making my lasagna

Ventress: well get ready to see a lot more of us because were coming to your party

Savage: I'll bring ice cream too!

Sidious has left this chat

Maul: does anyone ever feel like that old creep is going to be behind all of our deaths?

Now imagine all of the Sith just gathering together and having a nice party at the park. Oh, and Savage showing up in a literal ice cream truck, and Maul bringing tons of chips.

Have a great revenge of the fifth guys! (Still not over the clone wars finale :(