Plain Girl, Complex World

May 23, 2015

Dear World,

Finals are done and so is Calo and I's relationship. Turns out he was cheating on me and he's gay. Now my enemy is gay and my ex-boyfriend turns out to be gay, don't ever think that I am projecting gays to be bad because I don't and they're not bad. Jonas just hates my guts and he can hate me all he wants. I will still ignore him.

Calo tried to love me but his heart is not for me. I caught him when he let me borrow his phone. I saw a picture of him cuddling a boy and the other one is them kissing. I think he let me go over his phone because he wants to end our relationship. This happened last week and I admit that it hurt so much.

Somewhere I fell for him and I got really angry for what he did to me. I told him he was such a coward for hiding behind my back and using me as a scapegoat just he won't be bullied by everyone for being gay. Worse his boyfriend knew and let me look like a fool in front of Calo.

I haven't talked to Calo since that day I saw the picture on his phone and I keep on avoiding him. Although part of me understands that he's gay and there's nothing we can do about it. He was having trouble accepting who he is and tried to squash it by using me. I just happen to be the one being caught in all of this.

By the way, that time when I caught Calo, I walked out of the cafe where we were hanging out and stormed off to the park. As I was there sulking in one of the benches that are on the secluded part of the park. Someone placed their hand on my shoulder and when I looked at it, it was Aaron. I stood and hugged him. He just let me cry and didn't say anything. And I didn't know what I was thinking that when we locked eyes, I kissed him.

I think that day wasn't really my day because someone snapped a photo of our kiss. I was actually thinking if this won't get any worse. It was just a week so I'll just wait and see.

They are searching for a sex video now I'm telling you. Aaron stood up for me yesterday telling me that nothing happened between us and that everyone is making such a fuss about a kiss when all of them are doing it and more. Why was I different? I'm telling you, I hugged him after school yesterday for standing up for me. The picture was now taken down by the school teachers because it was counted as social bullying and the turn of events is a bit favoring me.

Dean scored a good photoshoot that paid well and he is currently treating us; his group of friends, Maddie and I to watch a movie. We also had a small celebration at Ashton's place because he moves out now. He said that his brother Ethan will live at his place while he's out for Britsvie. Its full name is Britsvie College of Music, Theater Art, and Media Entertainment. It's a popular college for those who want to be in show business, whether it be actress, models, director, and even camera crew or film and event crew.

The Premium class will be leaving this coming July because they need to prepare for the opening of the next school year. I actually don't know how that will work considering I'm not yet in college. Dean didn't exactly explain it to me because he didn't want me to worry about it.

I told him that he won't be modeling forever so I asked him what he will do after modeling. He told me that he's saving up the money he'd earned since tenth grade and that whatever happens after now he's ready and that he just wants to do what he enjoys doing, modeling.

So I followed it. For me to nurse my broken heart, I decided to go out and enjoy everything. Not all the time do I have Charlotte with me, so I go out with some friends that I met a while back. I befriend some of Maddie's friends and classmates and we go out. I also went out with many boys but this time they knew that it's just like friends. The school's gone abuzz about it but the boys that I go out with don't mind. They said that they can't believe that there are girls like me. Well, I exist so there is such a thing.

No strings attached shouldn't be that much of an issue, especially that we are still young. And I actually did kiss some guys that I went out with. I don't understand why I do the kissing but it feels like I'm a celebrity now because the whole school will know if I did such a thing, that's why Aaron stood up for me yesterday.

I am currently at the park right now because Charlotte wants us to meet here. I'm waiting for her and I am searching for Ethan's insta account. I still couldn't find it so I decided that while I wait I created a dummy account of someone who is a fangirl that posts stuff like anything. I have many celebrities that I adore and I posted quite a lot of gorgeous pictures and edits of them on my new account.

"Hey, Sandra."

"Oh hey, Charlotte. How long have you been there?"

"I just arrived and you are quite busy with your phone."

"Yeah, I'm just posting stuff."

"Sandy, I know the school is rough because of what everybody thinks of you but please don't get that affected too much."

"Charlotte, calm down. I'm not that affected. You can't take from me the feeling of getting hurt but being affected isn't really that my thing. I'm not lying about just posting stuff. I'm using a dummy account, silly."

Somehow that relieved her and she asked me about Ethan. I told her that he might have deactivated his account or something. She didn't really believe this so that's why she asked me to search for his username again.

I searched for his username and this time I found his account. It's good and he posted two pictures this past month that I haven't seen on his account.

"How is this even possible?" then I realize that I am using my dummy account as I forgot to switch back into my real one.

"He blocked you on Instagram, Sandra." Charlotte said."

I thought we are becoming friends you know. I mean he's my crush, I like him but it's not like I asked him out."

"I know. Let him be, he's not a great loss right?"

"I think he isn't."

That time I decided that I should forget my feelings for him and shouldn't let it grow.

Always,

Sandra