Plain Girl, Complex World

September 5, 2016

Dear World,

Today was a really bad day. I really expected that today is all good news because the plan that we will change our classmates didn't go through. I am currently trying to prevent my tears from staining this notebook where I'm writing. I don't know if the talk that I've had with my Psychiatrist last Saturday had helped. That was supposed to be my last session with her but with what I've found out today I think mom and dad would call her and will book other weeks of sessions with her.

I think this time she will prescribe me those very hard-to-swallow pills. I don't know as well, I have a frighted feeling about this. If I will fear the pills because it's hard to swallow or the fact that I might swallow a lot of them in one gulp of overdose.

I don't understand what I felt right now. Last week, Charlotte and I were having fun and I must say that we even flirted a little bit with our instructor. Also walking Charlotte home has been a routine that I have always done since the beginning of the school year.

Like the previous days, I walk Charlotte home. She told me that she was sick today but she force herself in going to school because of some important schedule of the subject that shouldn't be missed.

"How about you take a leave tomorrow and rest? Don't go to school tomorrow, I can come to your house early to get your absent note and gave it to your teachers. I have a copy of your schedule so it will be fine." I said.

"No, I'm fine, Sandra. I'll just rest now, tomorrow I'll be okay." Charlotte said.

But she wasn't able to take another two steps because she fainted and good thing I was near her to catch her. I don't always carry Charlotte, no I haven't carried Charlotte ever since and when she collapsed on me, she was surprisingly light.

Not caring if the pavement was clean or not. I sat there and called paramedics that will take us to the nearest hospital. I was just about to call Charlotte's parents but her nose starts to bleed then her mouth followed. The problem was she is unconscious.

After I have called the paramedics I called her parents right away. There were papers on her ID that tells me the speed dial code of her parents' number. I called her mom first and she answered after the second ring. I told her about what happened and while she was asking me where we are, the paramedics arrived.

I told her that we will be in the nearest hospital because the paramedics have boarded Charlotte on the vehicle with the stretcher. They told me to come with them, I told them that Charlotte's mother would like to speak to any of them.

I passed the phone to one of the paramedics, that is scribbling on his notepad. He was the one talking with Charlotte's mom and assuring her that Charlotte will be okay. After the talk, he was the one who hang up the call and hand the phone to me.

"Miss, the mother of the patient told me that there's a small medical notebook inside the patient's bag. It contains the patient's medical history and current medical condition."

I didn't wait to be explained twice. I ransack Charlotte's bag and found the said notebook. I handed it right away to the paramedic. He began reading it and I just stared at Charlotte.

Time seems so slow and even though the ambulance is running fast. Over speeding is not an issue here. I keep on praying that Charlotte will be okay.

After seemed like long hours of being in the vehicle we reach the hospital. Nurses help Charlotte and in one swift blur, I was told to wait outside the emergency room. The notebook was returned to my hands and I was internally debating if I should read her current medical condition or not. I never felt so scared of what I'm about to find out.

I opened the notebook and I went to the last written page and what I've read caused me more tears than earlier. My best friend has lung cancer. I've reviewed the other status only to find out that she's getting worse. The last written page said that she is now on her stage four lung cancer.

A few painful moments later, Charlotte's parents have arrived. They saw me staring blankly at the opened notebook. The part where Charlotte's current medical status.

"I'm so sorry, Sandra." I heard Charlotte's mom apologize. I look up to her, "Charlotte beg us not to tell you. She said that she want to tell you herself."

"I understand. I'm in no position." I answered grimly.

"Dear, you are her best friend. She was so happy to have you. You make her live life."

"She's right Champ, I have never seen Charlotte being this alive since the time we knew about her sickness." Charlotte's dad said.

"I'm just as lucky that she came to me." I said to them.

"She's losing the battle, Sandra." her mom said.

"Is there anything needed to be done?"

"We've tried everything that we can get hold off. Charlotte stop the other medication because it makes her suffer more." her dad said.

"We were told that this year will be her last. That's why when you called we got so worried. What if..." her mom wasn't able to finish her sentence. I don't want her to finish. I know my best friend will make it. I just cried even more for my best friend. I don't want her to be gone.

Always,

Sandra