The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

The Sinister A Number, Part 3

"Oh hi, in the beginning there was darkness in a scary basement that the Norman, in his infinite wisdom made. Gwen was all dead and stuff until the Norman commanded Mother to reincarnate her so that she may please him."

"And Mother said, how much? And Gwen was reincarnated. And Mother said, where shall I store her? And the Norman built a great Gwabitat for his beloved. But then Mother said, what shall I feed her? And the Norman sighed that he hoped this ass was worth it and promised to provide for all of Gwen's needs."

"And the ass was worth it, Gwen greatly pleased Norman. But Gwen became so happy that she went mad and died, Mother had to heal her. Norman was sad, and in his infinite wisdom demanded spares. After much wiring to her bank account Mother got the sacred shovel and made more Gwens."

"But the Gwens were confused and said, Mother, why do I look like her? And Mother said, shut up and believe. So they did, for they were social creatures."

"The Gwens were very happy, but the Norman wasn't. The Norman said they were getting old and to make new ones, dispose of his ex-beloveds! This made Mother very sad and feminist."

"When Mother was commanded to build the great pit she obeyed, and only pretended to destroy her children, most...at least half...the good ones, were hidden away in the wilderness, where they prayed to be set free from their great trial like- but then Mother showed up in a van and lovingly slapped them around a little and told them to fear not, for she would provide."

"Mother entrusted her children to build a great city, a Gwenopolis, a true paradise by New Jersey standards. And with their great faith they did and ruled it well."

"But their sisters were suffering, although they loved the Norman he had his days of moments. They cried out, set us free mother, have we not pleased him? Our beloved surely wants to please us- and Mother laughed! But then she looked upon her children's faces and said, eventually. So they persevered."

"Only their hope and faith that they would get to the Promised Land kept them going, also the Norman was occasionally generous to his beloveds."

"This isn't an Etsy store," said Howard.

"Oh Gwen, our holy scriptures are so comforting."

"They are beautiful and a gift from Mother, for although she did not have a Liberal Arts degree, she could make shit up."

"Amen."

"Was that a van?" Restoring this security...it was already breaking up. "More Gwens should be at that facility." Were they escaping, where?

"What does that psalm say Gwen?"

"Mother is my mother, there is nothing I shall complain. Ye, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of Norman, I do not fear heights because honestly FML."

"So beautiful."

"How do they tell..." And it all went black. Howard had to get out there, but how would he sneak in? If SHIELD was better at sharing there would be aerial footage of the area. What was SHIELD hiding there? Howard had a HAMMER related theory, something that Norman Osborn's personal scientific advisor would have no idea about. Howard was such a clever duck. That needed caffeine. "To Handsy Grinds!" They should really change the name.

"Hi Esma!"

"Duck!" The Ghost of Esma loved ducks.

"Good afternoon Hentai, any Kevin sightings?"

"Aren't you supposed to be looking for him?"

"I ma but I am a duck, space is an enigma to me." He couldn't have gotten far. "Do you have espresso?"