The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

The Church of Gwen, Part 1

"Why did we have to speed up the plan?"

"This."

"Future home of the big ass pimpin' cathedral?"

"I had to supervise." She had made them too stupid to build it themselves.

"Are you an architect?"

"No, but engineering." She was building houses too.

"Will there be a service?"

"Of, of course there will be a service with...traditions." Abby was working on that, she had been praying, very hard.

"It's an IRS requirement."

"Oh I knew that. Hi Lester."

"We finished the plumbing."

"That's great! How?"

"Youtube."

"No one's had to have major surgery yet, right?"

"Not so far, knock on wood."

"Fantastic."

"Why is that Gwen following you around?"

"She is adding extra testaments to the Gwible."

"As Mother walked amongst her children she marveled at their, not severely injuring themselves."

"Wasn't the Gwible finished?"

"I lied." If scripture could be a 10-12 page double spaced 12 point Times New Roman research paper it was finished. "If I just come out with more books, slowly, overtime..."

"Mother worked smarter, not harder."

"I like her, she gets me, Mother favors you the most scribe Gwen."

"And so Scribe Gwen was encouraged to kiss ass even more, had Mother lost weight?"

"It's a miracle!" A toilet flushed.

"They had running water, right?"

"In the warehouse."

"We have learned valuable wilderness survival skills!" Only 10 of them had died, still fewer people than the Mayflower, and Jamestown, and...settling America was rough. And slavery, oh god the slavery, the slavery was bad. "I only accidentally cremated two extra of my gwisters!"

"Good job Gwen #465!"

"She was one of my toasty gwisters, I'm Gwen #468."

"Look at all this trying," said Abby proudly. "We're trying to find discreet professionals," whispered Abby to Liz.

"Hans is a discreet professional."

"He's busy with the IESC, you know what we should hire Janet."

"No," said Liz.

"I miss her," said Abby.

"Did that Gwen just lift an entire steel beam?"

"Heh, she did," How had she done that?

"Oh the pain!"

"She needs major surgery!"

"Mother will heal you!"

"You can perform major surgery?"

"I'm a real doctor!" She knew her children inside and out.

"What does electrified fence mean?"

"Don't touch that," said Lester.

"I want to feel alive."

"You won't be if you touch that."