The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

Mole Wars, Part 2

"Fifi Duck, you died in Howard the Duck #18 in 1977, what are you doing here?"

"I've been reborn, metaphorically."

"Tell us more about that."

"There has been a lot of press about the Church of Gwen lately,  but their unique wellness program is fantastic."

"Gwen-anon?"

"Yes, they really look after you, I have never felt healthier or better in my entire life."

"Well, you were dead."

"I know, but I've never felt more alive."

"It must be a pretty great program."

"It is, they use revolutionary treatments, I saw them regrow body parts."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I didn't believe it at first but they showed me the process. That's what really sold me."

"When you were dead?"

"Is anyone ever really dead?"

"Are you saying that the Fifi Duck who died is a Skrull?"

"No, I'm also not saying that Gwen-annon can change your entire life." The audience clapped.

"What have you been up to since you came back from the dead?"

"First of all, reminding people that I existed, and also telling people about my amazing experience."

"Your Instagram has really blown up."

"After I figured out how it worked." The audience laughed.

"Must have been a bit of a learning curve."

"The '70s were a very different time."

"Speaking of the '70s, your "past life", have you contacted any of your friends?"

"I've tried, Beverly is in Maine now, doing her thing. And her life now is like wow, look how far you can go in life. I'm really happy for her. She's done so well for herself."

"What about Howard?"

"OOoo..."

"He's been a bit more stubborn. He was also spooked."

"I would be too."

"Which is understandable, but kind of sad. We just really, got each other."

"You were both ducks."

"Not just that, we had a special connection."

"A special connection?"

"Yeah, I really miss that, and I want to show Howard-"

"Were you dating?"

"Well, I don't kiss and tell-"

"Please tell, how do, you know?"

"I'd never say that," the audience laughed, "He's a good guy, and I really miss him."

"Aaaah..."

"AAAAHHHHH!" Howard was shaking his TV. "That is not Fifi!"

"You seem upset about it."

"Hentai, what are you doing here?"

"Hiding from the children, they loved your movie collection by the way."

"Where's Kevin?" Was Kevin a chair again? Howard hated sitting on his face.

"He's, somewhere, I'm not his bodyguard."