The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

Cyborg Squirreltilope, Part 1

"On which cheek will the arc reactor go?" Asked the board.

"I've thoroughly researched both butt cheeks," explained Abby, "neither one has a distinct advantage over the other."

"Interesting, how will you get the arc reactor?"

"I'll probably steal it," said Abby.

"Always the best policy, how will it be powered?"

"Farts probably," said Abby, "The Cyborg Squirreltelope will be powered by farts." The arc reactor could be in the butt for a reason, for science.

"Natural gas." Oscorp had the best copywriters. "an all-natural, organic, self-sustaining supply of it!" the environmentalists were going to eat this up. And Abby had to seriously research farts now. She could ask the Ghost of Benjamin Franklin, he had written a treatise on them.

"The Cyborg Squirreltelope will-"

"What inspired you to create this Dr. Normal?"

"Well, what didn't inspire me to create this deadly creature perfect for military use?" Lots of things actually. "Squirrels are killing machines, and by augmenting them with cybernetics and advanced weapons and tactical systems we can only improve on them. Also, Raccoon Ninjas!" Seriously, Abby had, they had masks and were sneaky, also Abby had extra Raccoon DNA. There was a fire sale when she had been working in Transia with the High Evolutionary.

"Would the Cyborg Squirreltilope or Raccoon Ninja be able to kill Spiderman?" Asked Norman.

"Yes, that and commitment." Said Abby. Ha, men, thought Abby had needs and found herself lonely sometimes.

"We have to review your funding request but we like what we see so far," said-

"Approve her or you all die!" Cried Norman.

"Do your thing Dr. Normal." It was amazing how a very mentally unstable power-hungry man yelling at you could make you do things you wouldn't normally do.

"Deadly woodland creatures!" Exclaimed Abby. Now all she needed were the parts.

Later that Evening...

Abby tried to bypass the security code, but the doors wouldn't open, on her 9th attempt she was about to give up, until fate intervened.

"Sir, have you been drinking again?" Asked Jarvis.

Abby thought fast, "Yes, I have, where are the whores, a hint at my inner depth, a quip," Abby should have picked up a Forty on the way over.

"It is you sir, I suggest-"

"I have to save...the world, something, inspiring but, cocky and-" the doors opened. "Skideeoadoobop?" Abby wanted to test the system further.

"You have an X-man with you, it must be a great crisis."

"That's right bitch, it is, I am your master," the doors closed behind Abby.

"What can I assist you with sir?"

"I need an arc reactor for science," Tony Stark would probably still be drunk.

"Which one?"

"I need to stick it on a butt, which one-" Abby was sprayed down with water.

"Now that you are sober, this arc reactor is multi-purpose and suitable for most tasks."

"Skideeoadoowop?"

"That is opening a jar armor X-man, does Mr. Stark require it?" Abby was a linguistic genius.

"I am Groot."

"What a motley cabal you have with you sir, your circle of friends is quite impressive."

"Baa."

"Goat Stacy, the getting ketchup out of a bottle armor," Abby was just having way too much fun at this point and really should have been going.

"I need, food," said Abby in her apparently convincing Tony Stark voice.

"Retrieving armor." Abby put on the opening a jar armor- and did not look bad.

"I'm going to, save the world."

"Good luck sir." Norman would be so impressed. Abby flew off with the arc reactor.