The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

Fantastic 4 Auditions, Part 2

"Abby Normal...Dr. Abby Normal."

"I am going to get Reed Richards so hard...with science," said Abby. "Your back up option has arrived!" Proclaimed Abby as she entered the room.

"Dr. Normal, you have an impressive resume," said Sue.

"I do."

"How long have you been working at Oscorp."

"I'm the janitor," said Abby, "I'm a Doctor Janitor, I have a Phd in Sanitation."

"Then what skills-" Abby pulled out the Danger-ometer.

"Are you-"

"We've seen the commercial, what else have you done?" Asked the Thing.

"I would be a most valuable asset to your team, I suggest you consider me highly at your great peril," said Abby in Latverian.

"Where did you learn Latverian?" Asked Johnny, "are you a spy?"

"No, but my parents...American college," said Abby.

"I think she could be useful, did any of us learn Latverian?" Asked Reed.

"No," said The Thing, "it would help."

"We like you Dr. Normal, you're moving onto the next round," said Sue.

"Thank you Mrs. Richards, which is your name and not Mrs. Four," said Abby. Abby triumphantly exited the room. "I got a call back!"

"Boo," said Howard.

Now all that Abby had to do was get off of work for the next round.

Norman looked at his medication and sighed, why couldn't he be chill like Dark Beast? "Would you like a chocolate milk, some Ovaltine?" Asked Abby.

"Why does this candy make my brain feel normal and quiet?" Bemoaned Norman.

"It's yummy candy, would you like some brandy?" Abby was a doctor.

"I don't know, do I have grape juice?"

"Red or white Norman?" Asked Abby.

"Red," said Norman.

"I also have Rakija," said Abby.

"Rakija?" Norman loved Abby's special juice. He quickly ate his candy and drank his juice. "I feel tired now." He walked over to his armchair, Santa had just returned it to him for being a good medication taking boy. Abby tucked him in and went back downstairs.

 "If I may suggest something, a broach." Abby had ideas.

"No," said the Chameleon.

"A manly broach?" Abby could make that happen, and the Gwens had their Etsy store, Abby knew science.

"An ascot?" The Chameleon had ideas too.

"Your brother would laugh at you, and tell me how silly you looked if he ever, what are you doing Friday night?" Not that he would be interested.

"Stealing something probably," he said.

"Oh, say Hi to Black Cat for me," Abby would probably still be finding a subtle solution to the Chameleon's belt problem. It was rather obvious, why did no one notice that their friend, loved one, or coworker was suddenly wearing a belt they didn't own?

"I will, if I run into her massive...her," it wasn't sexual harassment if you bumped into them. Abby had done it before, she had thought that it was Norman coming for his stuff. Tasers were Black Cat's weakness.

"Do I look like a boy?"

"By Russian or American standards?" He asked. Abby sighed "You do a good job."

"I should work for Roxxon," said Abby.

"Oh God no, I want you to live, I mean, you want to live." Abby was a woman to the Chameleon despite her being herself. She distracted his brother from bothering him. He patted her on the head.

"Are you still alive?" Abby checked his pulse. "Heh." Somehow he was. She looked out the window to see if her distraction was working.

"At least your mother tolerates you," screamed J. Jonah Jameson into a megaphone outside. "Get a mirror so that you don't die alone," he was on a roll, "you've never experienced sexual harassment!" Hans stepped up to, "Nazi!" His work was done. "Daredevil thinks you're ugly!" Last year Bill the Lobster's intelligence had been questioned. He had been in the general vincinity. "You lost a dodgeball game against Helen Keller!" J. Jonah Jameson was the best. "Compared to Cleetus Kassidy you are sane! Next! Venom needed a new host, saw you, and then went to an Airbnb!"

"Hello Mr. Jameson, I didn't know that Employee Appreciation Day was twice a-"

"The milkman looked at you and said that's not mine!"

"Thank you."

"Well you had to hear the truth someday, next! Your Mama so stupid she thinks that Febreeze is a perfume. Your dog hates you!" Last year Abby was told that "it doesn't count when your hand says "I Love you!" He still wasn't convinced that she was a girl.

"Now to send out the decoy..." It was a volleyball with a picture of her face on it on a mop handle hot glued to a Roomba- in a lab, crap it was falling off. At least the invisible walkie talkie that was invisibly attached with invisible velcro to the lab coat was hanging on.

"Science and fart noises, science and-"

"What do you think he's going to tell you this time Abby?"

"Science and fart noises." Janet looked up into the building.

"She's onto me, um," Abby pressed the button on her walkie talkie, "My mom says I'm why abortions are so popular." Well, she...would he go that....

"I don't think he's go that far." said Janet.

"SCIENCE AND FART NOISES!"

"You're in a mood." It worked perfectly. Abby snuck away to the Baxter Building.