The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

Latverian Christmas, Part 5

"Anybody else think that she's a Skrull?"

"Erzebet or Carol?"

"Carol is a weird name." There weren't a lot of Carols in Latveria.

"Face reveal, face reveal!" Erzebet was winning. "Where are the steel chairs?" Maybe there were some in their pockets or something.

"A chokehold, she's tapping out." It was important in Erzebet's profession to know how to defend yourself. Erzebet kicked her in...

"What are you doing?"

"Observing our valuable asset." Erzebet was sitting on Carol's face and posing triumphantly.

"What a lovely family."

"I stole these from the Ministry of Information."

"Seriously?"

"No, it's a list of paternity suits against Dr. Doom." All that he had to do was take the cod piece off, so....did Dr. Doom wear underpants? 

"How did you get these?"

"I said that I was working on a project to commemorate the martyrs of the Latverian Revolution."

"You're 34."

"I littered."

"This says confidential," in Latverian.

"Oh no, I got lost in the rows and disabled any tracking devices." Bela had shown him how to do that. "Sections of it are blacked out."

"You'd think that there'd be more sections like that." Doom was rather paranoid.

"There's also some kind of enchantment, are any of us wizards?" Somebody didn't want anyone to see this.

"We have the pictures though," there had been footage of Dr. Covacs Senior's assassination but getting caught with it would have been too risky. It was a shame that some clumsy police officer lost it.

"Just because we don't think the uniforms look right," or the fact that men in blatant Ustase uniforms had made it into the capital, "isn't enough."

"We're pretty sure those ex-partisans weren't really human though." It was hard to tell who was lying about whose whereabouts, the Yugoslavian government also conformed nor denied anything. Either way someone or something got executed. 

"Does Doom get sad?"

"It's hard to tell." But he was known for taking advantage of situations, and utterly destroying anyone who stood in his way.

"This references more hospital records."

"More?" Bela's father had held the record at 57 killings.

"There's a list of names." 19 more to be exact.

"He did piss off a lot of people, and at the time there was still a secret network-"

"That Doom later destroyed, oh look known associates," that was another theory, not to mention any spies in the Bosszu network.

"I think it was Russians." And in his experience they were usually somehow involved.

"How do we hire a wizard without making anyone suspicious?"

"Hello, neighbors." They assumed their disguises. "May we bless Doom for blessing us with this day!"

"Doom, oh yeah, what a nice guy."

"We had leftover pickled cake, and since your Grumplink has never tried it before perhaps you would take it."

"Oh, our Grumplink will...put it in his mouth."

"A boy Grumplink? Perhaps our female would like to meet him."

"I'd have to ask him."

"What's he like?" Grumplinks each had their own unique personality.

"He's very quiet."

"It's almost like he isn't even there."

"Where are his presents?"

"He, ate them."

"Huh..."

"Even the basket."

"Or he could be wearing it as a hat."

"When I was a child our Grumplink did that, and our house always smelled of mustard, objects would fly around on their own-"

"That sounds horrible."

"It was just the devil, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great...great? Great...grandmother used to date him."

"Really?"

"So did her brother."

"He, oh."

"I was surprised too."

"Why did they, break up with the devil?"

"The devil met someone else, it was amicable, in fact the devil was at my great-great-great-great-great...great...grandfather's Christening."

"In a church?"

"No, God was having a racist day so He told us to go to the river."

"He wasn't..."

"He wasn't what?"

"You know if they dated-"

"Well he was a raging alcoholic, maybe he and my uncle shared my great-great-great-"

"Your...grandfather is your?"

"It was small village." Did everyone else also date the devil? Which was bad, but the other option- "Alcohol!"

"We're not your-"

"No, you are not!" They all did a shot. "May Doom let you live!"

"And you as well!"

"One more!" They did another shot.

"That's strong."

"Do three for Jew test," if they could do a third they were good Christian people. "To Doom!"

"To Doom!"

"Excellent, you still stand!"

"We are not Jews."

"If you can do four then you are-"

"A raging alcoholic?"

"No, you are magical."

"What if we can do more than four?"

"Then you will be a fantastic dancer."

"I'll take some more." He did another shot. "Perchance do you know anyone who has done- shit I am going to be an excellent dancer."

"Feel it flow through you!" This was the homemade stuff.

"I need to go make a call."

"Mother is worried about us." They were Symkarian Exchange Students after all. "Ask her if she is also magical or knows anyone magical." Maybe "Mother" could help.

"No thank you, I am already an excellent- I have to help him."

"No." Latveria was famous for its' hospitality.

"Well at least I'm a wizard." Maybe this theory was true.

"I should warn you about his-"

"Blehhh!"

"Where is your mop?"

"Best Christmas ever." Or else.