The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

Who is Dr. Abby Normal?

She could hear a child again, that was the third time this week. But when she accepted her position in the not-not Oscorp Basement she knew that she had signed up for adventure. Fluffy Meat Sack's kitty ears, and Hitler Moustache and Evil Spock Goatee perked up. It was at times like this when she could actually relate to Norman Osborn's Pet Project.

Fluffy Meat Sack hissed into the darkness as she went off to herd the Gwens. She also should probably take them for a walk, Norman liked his Gwens in shape. Before they unfortunately murdered themselves eventually.

Abby knew to just keep quiet and keep carrying on with her work. She had been fond of Gwen #463 however, and had treasured her friendship and support- along with a shared apprehension of Norman's Freaky Goblin Jizz.

She had listened as she complained about Hans, who masqueraded as a Jeremy, always sucking up to Norman. Like his Nazi grandfather had done to his boss before him. Gwen #463's knowledge of such things eventually led to her demise, but for a brief time, Abby knew what having a friend was like.

If he was so proud of his Aryan heritage why didn't he just go work for Hydra? Curt had been pretty cool though, until Abby insisted that she give him a hand. The road to lizard people is paved with the best intentions.

Even as a wee babe Abby had learned this lesson. Her father often told her the story of how he came to America, and on his first day he met the most beautiful woman up to that point that he had ever seen- she looked like she was pale, sickly and dying- he had never seen a ginger, at all. Back in Latveria, they were regularly drained of their magic blood and it was too dangerous for them to leave the house. So he followed her for six years to make sure she was okay.

After the third restraining order he showed up to court one day, to prove that she did not deserve that traffic ticket. Since that would have tarnished her driving record she was like here you go. And that's how Abby was born.

Mrs. Normal went on vacation by herself a lot. Mr. Normal owned a shed and lived in Florida now, Abby was worried. But at least she had grown used to his telling of claiming her mother with his seed on her Conception Day.

Not to say that Mr. Normal, who according to the US State Department, was completely normal, wasn't a loving father. Back in Latveria there was no gym, and instead he had been forced to learn how to build every model of Doombot. 

On her 1st Christmas Abby had been presented with Phil, her own special buddy. Who also changed her diapers, home schooled her, when she had hit puberty he burst through her wall and told her all about her holes. But it was okay, they lived in Queens.

Abby was fairly sure Phil wasn't yet programmed to let her lose her virginity, the sap. Not that there had been any takers of her body recently. She was used to it though, always living on the fringe, edge, singing the Latverian National Anthem every time she saw a man in a dark suit. It was a tick that was hard to kick, Norman thought that it was delightful though.

She had yet to hear the Atlantian National Anthem though, she had almost studied abroad there but didn't quite have the required Swimmer's Bod. She still got three Doctorates, two Masters Degrees, and an Associates though. She could also perform CPR.

She also had extensive field experience, her semester in the Savage Land had taught her a lot. Like how fast to run away from a tribe that took offense to you not joining in the family orgy and then being the sacrifice to their god.

Luckily she had been swept off her feet by Kraven the Hunter, literally, she was save-napped, bound, tied, loyally done his bidding- there was only so much the dinosaurs could do for him, and was eventually returned to her father. Who had been hoping that she and Kraven might hit it off. She was "Back-Up Option" in his cellphone though.

He had science to pass down to another generation, generations of Normals would intern with Mr. Sinister, because what she thought had been that crazy ass was immortal, and work at the Ravenscroft Institute over the Summer.

When she was six and had her first crush Mr. Normal immediately took her to Kleinfeld's, put together a dowry- to show that Abby came from a good family, and sent her now affianced's family a goat. The saleswoman was very confused and then explained American culture to him, and explained to a frantic Mrs. Normal that there had been some confusion.

Abby never knew what happened to that goat, it was probably on a farm sanctuary somewhere. Phil thought that she had looked so beautiful in her dress though- and promised to keep all of her crushes a secret from then on.

But Abby was content with her life for now. She had a nice place in Little Macedonia, friends, even Morlock ones. Because at least Morlocks weren't Greeks. Morlocks had been living in Little Question Mark, which was what Little Macedonia was called due to a naming dispute, ever since the neighborhood's humble beginnings.

Even a Skrull lived there, but that was a secret. Her neighbor Kevin, his name was something Skrull-y so Abby and everyone else just called him Kevin, was actually pretty cool. She had met him on the subway and taken him home to High Five's Coffee Shop, the only Morlock owned coffee shop in the New York City Metropolitan Area, with her.

And explained to him that living next to a payday loan service near graffiti covered public transportation, with a Rally's just down the street, did not count as "Earth Culture" and convenience. The poor confused little guy, her neighbor disappeared a week later and Kevin reappeared as his "cousin", freshly showered, a day later, keeping his lease in the family.

High Five didn't tell the cops anything. And cops were always so nice to him, despite the fact that he had a third hand growing out of his head- that the neighborhood children loved. Abby was convinced that it was his telepathy, but High Five said it was his charm.

If Abby ever woke up in a strange apartment, she had a feeling she'd know whose it was. Besides that, Abby had no complaints.