The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

Latverian Christmas, Part 7

"Erzebet?" Erzebet was ironing Bela's under pants.

"For good luck." Bela needed it for his work trip.

"Where is your brother?"

"Erzebet, where are my..." 

"Socks next?" Erzebet had written a packing list for him, after cleaning his room, and bringing him breakfast in bed, and giving him a coupon for a free blowjob- from one of her coworkers.

"Zis is fine," said Bela.

"Bela, when you get to village, go see if our neighbors are still alive."

"You hated them."

"I know, I want you to shit on their graves for me if they're dead."

"What if they're alive?"

"Shit on their doorstep."

"Mama!" Their family cocks had a long standing feud. Also, their grandfather was Serbian.

"Someday, I will live somewhere far away, where we will have no-"

"Don't talk like that, Doom says that you can't have dreams," that weren't his. "Do you need snacks?"

"I already got some."

"Whoops, I made other ones." You were always overcharged for food when you traveled. "You can put in wagon."

"I'm taking the train." The Vardo wagon didn't have a bathroom.

"I gave you coffee." All he had to do was find hot water on the train, get the tiny sauce pan- he could start a fire on board, and pour in the finely ground, would he need more sugar cubes? 

"You, Mama?"

"It is best coffee." Better than the plain black stuff they had on the train. 

Bela removed the Bosnian Coffee Set from the basket. "Is this a voucher for a chicken?"

"You never know when you'll need a chicken," that had been Ajna's motto her entire life. It was also the motto of the Cock Fighting Clan. "There more trinkets," the Carpathians could be a scary place. 

"Thank you Mama," several of these were on the list for the witch.

"Tell everyone I great success," well she was very popular.

"Here is frying pan."

"If we go camping?"

"No, errant squirrels." You could never be too careful with squirrels, Ajna had read a story about that.

"We have a prototype vampire hunting gun."

"Vampire hunting gun, not squirrel hunting gun." What if he came back as a bird and began shitting on his sister's head?

"Knock, knock."

"Are you the devil?"

"Um, no?"

"Would the devil say um?"

"Bela, do not forget, we are having a small party for Zsofika."

"We are?"

"I found more baby things."

"Erzebet..." She knew that was bad luck.

"We eat cake in silence and I give her presents." The Demon of the Day was more than welcome to come, she could get some of her whore friends to distract him.

"No, we are not the devil."

"We?" She opened the door. "You are not yet invited in..." She had heard of these neighbors before but never seen them.