The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

Stealing Hitler, Part 3

Hyrdra's Poconos base, although a step down from their one in the Alps, was charming and quaint. There was a picturesque view from the biological weapons lab, and its lack of a handicap access ramp was downright despicable, and illegal.

Parking was also surprisingly plentiful, although it was a little hidden behind its cover as a daycare for special needs children in the middle of nowhere.

"Our state-of-the art Hydra facilities would put any other evil organization to shame, what was your name again?"

"Heidi Klum," Klum was a common last name and there were a lot of German Heidi's.

"What interests you in a career at Hydra Fraulein Klum?" Hydra had been very impressed with Heidi Klum's resume, Heidi Klum had won a silver medal at the Olympics in Luge, but was very subtle about it, and spoke Spanish. She also knew basic HTML, and science.

"Hydra is an inspiring organization, your German Socialist founders were the first to declare that smoking is bad, and made an entire economy bounce back. It leads you to wonder why some people might think they weren't the greatest race on earth, plus IBM, Fanta, Jerry Cans, lots of other, things, that make me proud to be white." Abby was at least 25% not "white", but Hydra didn't have to know that about Heidi Klum was the Balkan Ottoman Empire but a person. And hoped that Hugo Boss still made their uniforms, in case this worked out.

"You don't look all that white, your pale olive skin, I'm just kidding, we don't do racial profiling, hello Jarel! That's our black guy, he's one of the good ones, here you see our advanced cloning facilities, Jarel runs this entire department," said the Hydra HR Person.

"That's some high tech, tech, so when you extract the mitochondria do you put them in a climate controlled room separate from the other required genetic material?" Abby really should have done that much more often.

"We do, Hydra clones are the highest quality clones, much better than Life Model Decoys, plus it doesn't feel weird to have sex with them." Abby had always wondered about that. Phil wasn't a bad looking Doombot but he wasn't that fully functional. "I noticed on your resume that you have robotics experience."

"I do, self-taught," Abby didn't go to normal school for several years, and instead learned a specific set of skills that did not involve humans. Socializing was still an adventure for her. But so far, she definitely had this plan down, to a science.

At the SHIELD Hellicarrier...

"Was it some kind of trade?" SHIELD was examining the Picnic basket.

"I don't know, but there's Burek, Musaka, Tavce Gravce, Sarma, Kebapi," Oscorp got a corporate discount at Little Skopje. The SHIELD agents got out forks, for research, the Ajvar was delightful, and the fried dough pie thing deserved it' own national festival.

"This food might be poisoned but it is delicious."

"Someone should really get on this stealing thing though," that shrink ray was- there was Baklava too!

"The Avengers might know, is there more food?"

"Yes, do we have to go boxes?"

"I didn't know that it was your lunch break," said Maria Hill as she walked in, "what's with all the Macedonian, oh, a fork, so, is that Mekici?" Fried dough was always a winner, and this one could be served sweet or savory.

"We've, well, there are Macedonian restaurants in New York, if we threaten them for their records because terrorists we can see who frequents them and, some Bosnian Coffee sounds so good right now."

"We should stop eating the evidence."

"We'll take, the Kifli and the Kacamak are gone."

An agent walked in eating an Ekleri, "I've narrowed down all the Macedonian restaurants to one," he swallowed, "because there is one, Little Skopje, also Kafana and Balkanika are not nearly this good and affordable." They were kind of upscale, you could tell that the Sutlijach was homemade. "Oscorp has a corporate account there."

"They must have someone in the area." Said Maria Hill.

"We're, you have coconut flakes from the Bombici on your chin," said the agent.

"Good work team, we are not going to eat all this."

"We need to document this evidence," said the other SHIELD Agent mid-Vanilici. "Then we can share with our friends."

"Or, to go boxes." Said Maria Hill.

"Why can't, it's evidence," the basket had come from Target, SHIELD would definitely, Shopska Salata?

At the Hydra Base...

"And here are our robotics facilities, we're not AIM but we're a step head of Japan, have you heard about our National Socialist Benefits Package yet?"

"No, I have not."

"Bob, this is Heidi, she's considering a career with us."

"Oh, that's cool, we don't have a lot of female minions."

"Heidi is a scientist." Heidi also had blonde hair and was so white her complexion almost looked like it was flour. Plus the, no one would know it was Abby. "Tell this clearly Aryan woman why she should work here."

"The dental is pretty good, and we just got paternity leave, paid." Hydra was invested in the next generation of Aryans. "And you get a discount at Aldi's."

"Isn't Aldi's already discounted?" The Human Resources Representative cackled maniacally.

"We know things, are you interested in biological, chemical warfare?" The tour continued.

"I've heard it's quite the gas," Abby fully supported the Kurds but, life.

"It's quite infectious, I think you'd fit in around here quite well Miss Klum." Were Dr. Doom's vivisection always lively? Abby swore that someone was tugging on her hair.