The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

Latverian Christmas, Part 3

"Hello, my name is Bela, how are you? I am learning English, f*** the Fantastic 4."

"Bela, language!"

"Papa, I said f*** the Fantastic 4."

"Oh, good job."

"Papa, you know English."

"A little," he had studied for a semester in London.

"Can you help me vith zis?"

"With, this."

"With...zis."

"With this."

"With this!"

"That's it," if he toned down the yelling. "What do you have? The Thing has no penis, match the English emotion with his, sad, very sad, depressed, suicidal."

"I zink...think! That, he is depressed!"

"I think so too, he also has a headache."

"Is that suicidal?"

"It depends on the headache, sometimes when mommy gets angry and starts shouting- look at me, being a good dad." She was lurking around the corner. 

"Am I right, is he depressed?"

"Very depressed." Bela wrote in very above the circled depressed. "That was easy, what's..." Johnny Storm hired three prostitutes, he has a penis, match their hooker names to the sweet that they're named after. Cookie, Candy, and Taffy were all sassily posed...

"Did he negotiate a discounted group rate?"

"How do you know what that is?"

"The village whore told me that when there's a conven...Papa!"

"You did it without shouting!"

"Why are you shouting!"

"I'm not, I'm excited, and proud." he ruffled Bela's hair.

"Do you go to conventions?"

"No," he said.

"He is a good boy," said his wife.

"I am a very good boy, and so are you."

"Of course I am," was a Taffy a baked good? 

"It's a candy," said Papa's Papa.

"It's the candy?"

"No, it's, that is Cookie."

"This one is hard," said Bela.

"Perhaps," said Papa's Papa.

"Bela, vat is zis?"

"Bela, what, is, this?"

"It's his homework."

"I have best English."

"No, I have best English."

"No, me!" 

"Your English sucks more than the village whore at 2 AM on a Friday."

"Papa, did you hear Erzebet?" Sjvetlana was very offended.

"Is she wrong?"

"She can barely speak English."

"English education has vastly improved."

"I drew lines."

"Your brother is trying."

"I eat dog pie with apple."

"It is hot dogs." Bela excelled at food vocabulary.

"It go voof."

"It not real dog, it is pork or beef."