The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

Papa

Abby was at Little Skopje Sunday picking up Secret Brunch to Go for the Gwens, Oscorp was given a generous discount, those Gwens were hungry little things. But hey, it was overtime. Hentai, the Tentacle Headed Hostess was busy hostessing.

And going to Community College, while secretly crushing on Kevin. Every time she saw him her little tentacles wiggled and blushed. She also went into heat, which was awkward. Abby had asked her why they hadn't hooked up yet.

Hentai said she was afraid of dying, like a Salmon. Quality Sexual Education was lacking among the Morlocks. And Kevin had knocked on her door with no pants once asking her how his human parts worked. It would happen eventually, Abby hoped.

She never told Hentai that Kevin had proposed to her once, but when she explained that he wasn't getting deported he just left. It was so romantic. A lot like the time Norman bet her $10,000 she couldn't steal Hitler's body from Hydra.

Had she concocted a great plan to interview for a new job, for real, fake, fake, at Hydra, infiltrate their lab, use a shrink ray that was totally not pirated Pym technology, to shrink Hitler and bring him back to Oscorp? Yes, take that Hans.

But when Hydra discovered that Hitler was missing there was a bit of a curfuffle, SHIELD had to get involved. And now Abby turned into a werewolf sometimes around Arbor Day. When Norman ever gives you Gatorade, it's not Gatorade. #Hitlerpuzzle was also a thing now, that was sad. Abby was a pretty chill werewolf though, she was told that she could usually be found on Coney Island eating hot dogs.

Which is a zany adventure that will be expounded upon in further chapters, featuring cameos from beloved Marvel characters, and shenanigans.

Abby's Cellphone started ringing. She didn't recognize the number and didn't answer. It called again, then a third, how long does Brunch for 15 Gwens, who had yet to run off with the Ghost of Benjamin Franklin, take? Those sneaky, devious, freedom longing for Gwens.

The fourth time she decided that she was going to give this telemarketer a piece of her mind.

"I don't know-"

"MACH SCHNELL!"

"Hello Papa."

"I am in my shed, I built a new cell phone, it is one of those old people ones but it is powered by plutonium."

"Is it also secretly a time travel device?"

"I was bored, how are you, it has been so long since you have called your papa."

"Mom said you've been busy in your shed and working on your marriage."

"I claimed her with my seed! Normal Margit Erzebet Simza Gerta Lala Svetlana Chachi Abby, you are proof of this, by right I will be with her all my days, and she with me."

"With the exception of her going on vacation by herself?"

"We are working on that."

Abby was fairly certain that he was forgetting a few middle names, and that even she found herself often forgetting a few. Formerly Human Resources at Oscorp had thought that her paper work was a practical joke and demanded that she redid it.

When she explained that middle names were illegal in Latveria they understood. Abby honored every member of her father's immediate family that was deceased or had been sent to the re-education camp when he died of freedom related diseases.

Gerta was a goat, Lala was a chicken- the nurses and Mrs. Normal had convinced her father that Sergey and Igor weren't girl names. Also, the sassy Jamaican nurse was running out of lines for all that shit.

She also honored Scott Baio, the greatest actor in the world on the greatest American TV show ever- when all you've seen is Dr. Doom based programming your entire life, your standards are low. And it was all educational.

"Until death do us part my daughter, that is the nature of love, have I ever told you about love?"

"The physical kind."

"Back in Latveria, when I was big shot spyientist, I visited my home village with my friend, Aleksander. Aleksander saw Sophia, the most beautiful girl in my village- but Sophia was engaged to Kierk, who had many goats. My friend did not have goats, but lots of money and power."

"Sophia was grabbed into his arms, and when Kierk saw this, and how few goats Aleksander had, he challenged him to a duel. On the day of the duel, Kierk came riding into the village square on his donkey with his shotgun. But Aleksander was not there- little did he know that Aleksander had built a laser death ray back in his lab and was aiming it his general direction."

"When Aleksander blew Kierk to smithereens and splatted his guts all over the village, everyone clapped or else, and Sophia got in the van."

"Weren't they executed on State Television for Crimes Against Humanity?"

"Yes, but to honor her late beloved, Sophia took very good care of the donkey. Now, the time I escaped the authorities by wearing blackface in Wakanda."

"Dr. Abby Normal!"

"Thank you, I have to go papa, the cats are hungry."

"Okay, you go feed Norman's pussies, we talk later, bye bye." Abby hoped her father left the shed.

Abby's father hadn't always been so normal. He was born a poor boy in a Latverian village to a family who didn't use birth control. When his father was shot to death by a Doombot for saying his day was going okay, not amazing, Mr. Normal became the man of the house.

And as Mr. Normal said, The Doombot missed one spot on papa. So the Doombot was shut down in front of all the other Doombots to discourage future failures.

He would study- get his required first doctorate by 16, Masters by 12, Bachelors by 10, Associates by 8, and Kindergarten by 2. Despite the hardships of not being rewarded for his loyalty to Doom with sufficient crusts of bread for his family, he studied hard.

All this time, he still herded his father's goats, he had many firsts with those goats. One day his good marks and loyalty to the regime got the attention of the authorities. And Doombots came and blew up all his goats- in a shower of warm, salty tears and goat intestines did he realize his destiny.

He and his family moved to Doomstadt, where he found even more success. Along with his entire family, even his beloved, but butterfaced sister Erzebet found work as a prostitute. Which was completely legal in Latveria, life is, was very stressful.

Erzebet was such a good prostitute she was declared the best lover in Latveria. However, this led to her demise. Cynthia VonDoom, Dr. Doom's late mother was the only person who could wield this title. On her way to her execution, with her face and head covered, the entire nation cried.

While her family was paid handsomely not to cry and remain loyal to Doom. Abby wondered why her father ever left.

Abby was tempted to move back and disappear at times due to certain Oscorp business, Dr. Doom had quit and Iraq-ed the place recently. But the reports of angry Serbians turned her off. Not that she was racist just, she preferred to avoid conflict.

What's the point of having a great loft downtown when it could be blown up at any moment? Abby was happy, enough, content here, being the Gwen's god, provider, and Norman whisperer, while taking secret pleasure when Fluffy Meat Sack got bored and knocked over all the Pumpkin Bombs- not on her.

Nope, life wasn't that bad at all. She reminded herself to get Fluffy a cheeseburger