The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

The Courtship of Abby's Mother, Part 5

"Vat hell?" Why was she small?

"Come here, come to Papa!"

"I vill, I vill come, look I balance," Katya fell.

"Pizdec!"

"It okay, stop crying, I give big cuddle."

"Big cuddle?" Mama liked cuddles. "Ha, one step!" The Belarussian countryside looked lovely in this dreamscape. "Two, I get best cuddle, three, vatch out papa, I swear if you die under suspic-" Katya fell again.

"Poor baby."

"I am not baby, doctor could not determine age." Damn Romanian Orphanage. 

"My little girl."

"Da, I yours see, fuck you birth," Katya fell again. "Okay, maybe I have," Katya was walking again? "I am walking,  ha, ha, vat is, happiness, look, I happy, I don't need," Katya fell again.

"Almost there."

"I wish, you were, here." Katya began slowly walking. "Hello Papa, I come, I a bit, oh cuddles yes, Papa cuddles, dead family, cuddle me more dead family! I am mourning, I am mourning!!!" So fucking hard, she was mourning so- Bela's alarm went off. "Vat? Vere- ahhh!" The Gypsy was touching her!

"You crawled into my bed."

"Vy you rape me vith arms?"

"I...I heard you crying, and cuddles?"

"I fine, no more rape please."

"I, won't rape you ever again?"

"Good, zat best rape policy."

"When I left Latveria it was very traumatic, as soon as I got in that car and began driving towards the Symkarian border I knew-"

"Da, tell action packed story later."

"Meow?" Was that a cat? Oh, it was outside.

"I washed your clothes."

"Zank you, I don't care."

"I called my therapist-"

"Good for you."

"For you."

"No, for you." Katya tried opening the window.

"Should I tell him that I found you passed out drunk in an alley?"

"No."

"I'll tell work then, you're horribly sick."

"I am," the window wouldn't open.

"Horribly, horribly sick." Bela dragged her away from the window. "I am too, when you barfed all over me some got in my mouth."

"I never..."

"It seems like we have time to go stake out the embassy now."

"What if they need me?" Bela just looked at her. "Gypsy..."

"Village Drunk,  you're not driving." Katya was trying to grab the keys.

"Trust me, I drive."

"Nyet."

"I...you speak Russian?"

"And several other languages. After you attempt Polish it's Spanish."

"Perhaps you not dumb."

"I'm a doctor with multiple degrees."

"Da..."

"Gary took the morning off to take his kid to the dentist, they'll be at the Neptune Diner."