The Adventures of Doctor Abby Normal, The Basement Diaries

The Church of Gwen, Part 6

"Selling sperm, feminist or a slap in the face to women's rights? Here to disagree with me that it's an affront to women and is wrong is Gwen #487, representative of this, church?"

"We are a legitimate non-profit humanitarian/religious organization."

"That sells sperm!"

"Yay!" Feminism.

"Also here is, holy...Dr. Abby Normal? Aren't you supposed to be in protective custody?"

"Surprise Mother (bleep)." 

"Mother!"

"My child, they, they call me that."

"Are you the leader of this church?"

"I make sure that they stay alive."

"And if she was the leader of the church and the most Supreme Mother after the Primordial Gwen I would know."

"Who leads this sperm peddling "church"?"

"Are you questioning our religious liberty?"

"Yes."

"You are being glib J. Jonah Jameson, you are being glib."

"What even are your religious beliefs, besides peddling sperm?"

"It's their feminist right, I, who was forced to create them under extreme duress, think that it's empowering that they can sell that pig's sperm."

"That pig paid you six figures per year."

"I had to eat food, and make sure that that maniac didn't just kill them once he was done."

"Praise mother!"

"Yes, I, mother did that. They're using the proceeds for community development." Which definitely wasn't a special side project that Abby had going on.

"What kind of community development?"

"The good kind, they're improving the state of New Jersey by leaps and bounds."

"And if you asked 100,000 Gwens, completely hypothetically, they'd tell you that, yes, agree with whatever mother says."

"Are there 100,000 Gwens, are clones invading New Jersey?"

"That's racist." Why would they invade New Jersey? There were much better places to invade.

"Do I look like I care if you think that I'm racist?"

"No, but you really should, I, I am a good person. Who has never been racist."

"We have a caller, hello caller, do you have a question for mother?"

"You've never been racist?" It was Howard the Duck.

"Of course she hasn't, mother is-"

"Your mother is an egg that I dumped some Gwen Stacy DNA into."

"As it is said in the scriptures."

"Scriptures? What are your scriptures?"

"The scriptures are guideline, it was all a joke really "scriptures" but the Gwens have been applying them to their daily lives, like scriptures."

"Mother takes Paypal and Venmo."

"A classic, if you want to donate to the welfare of Gwens, we take those."

"We'll take all your money!"

"You really are a church. So the racism-"

"That phrase is so overused nowadays, maybe when I was younger and adjusting to, the country that I was born in, whose society that I was definitely a part of, I messed up, but I would never purposefully offend someone. What a horrible thing to do."