Wish I Had Time For Complicated

106. Eyes Talk

Sara's tired eyes fluttered open slowly, the soft white lights of a hospital immediately recognisable for her. She felt incredibly weak, as if she couldn't move a limb. A headache was painfully pounding in her head and her stomach cramps were strong enough to irritate the doc.

Her mouth was dry and it felt like Sara had a lump in her throat.Her copper eyes stayed focused on the perfectly white ceiling, the light bulb creating a ring of white in her irises. She couldn't quite remember how she even ended up on a hospital bed. The only thing in her mind was the blurry vision of her and Michael fighting and her telling him about her infertility.

As the memory striked her head Sara's eyes frantically started searching for Michael. And there he was, his head gently laid on her thighs while his bigger hand had her smaller one wrapped in his. He was sleeping. His brows were knitted together in what she guessed was worry, his closed eyes were puffy from crying and his perfect plump lips were set in a straight line.

Seeing Michael like that reminded Sara of the nights when he would have nightmares. He always looked so troubled and vulnerable, so small and scared in front of the big world. It was as if she was looking at a little child that had no one to be there for him. Sara remembered how she would sometimes cry silently as she held him asleep in her arms, hating that he had to go though that.

Now she felt the same way. This was possibly the worst thing that could have happened to them. They had been through so much together and now they needed each other more than ever. Sara herself felt like crying, knowing her fate, but she couldn't really change it. She wasn't stupid.

The doc knew exactly why she was lying in this bed now. From the moment she started feeling nauseous for a whole week straight, vomiting in the mornings, she knew she was most probably pregnant. But when she went to see a gynaecologist the thing she feared the most to hear was said to her.

She was most probably gonna lose the baby, her organism simply wasn't strong enough to give a life to another human being .The doctor had said that if that baby was lucky enough to be born, there was 99% chance she wouldn't be able to have a second child.

And that had crushed her. Sara felt then as if her whole world was collapsing around her. She fell into a depression, tear after tear rolling down her cheek till she couldn't cry no more. The image of the small life growing inside her was constantly in front of her eyes as the doctor had shown it to her on the ultrasound with remorse.

Seven weeks pregnant and Sara had lost their baby. The words of the gynaecologist kept on repeating in her mind and the tears started running down Sara's pale cheeks again. She was staring at the wall behind Michael distractedly, her orbs blurry as she felt the pain contracting around her heart and her free hand instinctively dropped on her clothed belly. What a shame, what a fucked up life..

And only when she felt Michael grip her hand a little did she see him slowly waking up, his blue eyes immediately falling on her. The engineer slowly lifted his head up, gazing at his wife cautiously and with so much sadness.With his free hand he gently wiped her tears away, their eye contact stronger than ever. Words couldn't possibly describe what the couple was feeling.

Michael gave her a small smile, trying to show her how fucking sorry he was for what had happened. At least she was alright. He had been so worried that it could damage her physically, he was praying that when she wakes up, she would be okay and seeing her concious after a solid 9 hours of sleep, he was feeling even a bit relieved

"here.. Drink some, love"

he said In a raspy low voice, holding a bottle of water with a straw in it for her to drink a little. He knew she would need it, staying hydrated was crucial for her condition right now. Michael watched as his wife took a few gulps, her eyes closing, the lights still a little bit too irritating for her sensitive eyes.

"do you want me to lower the lights?"

he questioned quietly at seeing her struggle as he put the bottle on the night stand next to her bed. Sara nodded ever so slightly, feeling too weak to speak, but the moment she felt his hand slipping away from hers, she grabbed it frantically, panic striking through her whole body at the thought of losing his supportive touch.

Michael gazed down at her in surprise and at seeing the desperation in her eyes, he felt the remorse and darkness engulf him again, but he quickly shook it away. His wife needed for him to be her rock right now, she needed someone to be strong for her and Mike wasn't going to fail her.

"I'll be right here, I promise. I'm here.." he said in a soothing tone, leaning down to kiss her forehead and when he pulled his arm away from hers, Sara didn't protest this time.

The moment Michael stood up his whole body protested. The bones on his back and arms and legs were all whining in pain. Hospital chairs weren't the comfiest to sleep in. When he came at seven in the evening, bringing with himself the necessary things Sara would need, the nurse had told him that he could stay the night as long as he didn't bother Sara's sleep.

He remembered staring at her for hours, silently crying and weeping and thinking of the many ways to say sorry to his wife without being a pathetic son of a bitch. He couldn't even remember when he had dozed off, but the moment he had laid his head on her thighs gently, Michael felt a bit more at peace.

And now with the lights dimmed for Sara's comfort, Michael returned in his place in the chair, his fingers softly tangling with Sara's again. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to say how sorry her was, what a fool he was, what a bad husband he was. But now was not the time for that. Sara needed to rest and the last thing he wanted was to pressure her.

Besides, talking about their lost baby when it was so freaking fresh on them both was a bad idea. He didn't want to see her cry.

"How are you feeling? "

Michael's tone was low, cautious and his eyes never wavered from her pale but even now so beautiful face. His fingers were unconsciously playing with her wedding band, the feeling of it there somehow calming. He was scared not to push her too far, it felt like he was walking on thin ice right now and the last thing the engineer wanted was to upset his wife.

How was she feeling? At this point even Sara herself didn't know.She was in pain, literal and emotional.But Michael being here with her every step on the way was relieving even a bit. She knew she wasn't alone. He was there for her and even in her darkest hours, she could feel the warmth his presence gave her.

"like a truck just ran over me"

she answered slowly, her voice hoarse. It was raw honesty, but with Michael she had easily learned that it was okay to express your emotions and feelings. She remembered the days when she'd hold everything to herself, thinking it was better to grieve alone. But he had shown her how much easier it was when there's someone to share with and who would really be there for you.

"I'll go get the nurse, okay?"

it was a rational decision after all. Sara needed to be kept stable, she had lost a lot of blood. He watched as his wife nodded tiredly, her eyes focusing on the ceiling again as she tried to breathe evenly, Michael's feathering touch vanishing from her hand as he went to call in a nurse. The hospital was way more calm and quiet during the nights,he noted to himself as he walked down the empty corridor, his chest still so heavy with worry and all the unsaid things.

Of course, the nurse had told him to wait outside while she took care of Sara and Michael unwillingly had accepted, deciding to go buy himself a shitty hospital coffee from the cafeteria to pass the time. And when he came back 20 minutes later he saw Sara sleeping again.

The nurse had offered him to go home to rest with a gentle smile on her mid aged face, but Michael declined. He wanted to be there for Sara when she woke up again, no matter if the goddamned chair was comfy or not. So with a shitty coffee in hand and a heavy heart, Michael sat down again, ready to face another night full of worries and sadness.

What's a song that you listen to when you read sad chapters? 😊