Chief Casey Season 3: Balancing Family, Work and Friendships

Chapter 374 Part 1 - Matt's POV

As I sat downstairs with Antonio, I sighed as I looked at him and just took a deep breath because this is hard to talk about. Antonio then looked at me. "Matt, just speak to me and relax. I am not here to judge you." I nodded and agreed. "It's just...I am really starting to doubt some of my choices recently. I mean should I have even asked Gabby to do this? I was the one that said it myself....Gabby seemed so much more relaxed when we were in Puerto Rico. Then I bring her here in the middle of winter, to a place that I know stresses her out."

Antonio then looked at me when I continued. "Oh and by the way, I am not there for her during the transition. Instead, I am starting my new job while she is at home dealing with 2 newborns and a 16 month old. Great way to say welcome home eh?" Antonio sighed when I said that. "I get what you are saying. The optics are not the best." I sighed when he said that. "Antonio, it's not the optics that I am worried about. I am worried about my wife's mental health. We both know that she does have those problems that are to stay between the family. So..."

Antonio then spoke up. "You are wondering whether you are doing enough to help her mental health issues or if you are failing her?" I nodded. "Exactly, finally...someone who understands what I am thinking. God, I have been trying to figure out how to say it. I just don't want to admit it to myself yet that I feel like I am failing her." Antonio nodded when I said that. "Want my honest opinion Matt?" I nodded. "Always." Antonio then smiled at me. "Matt, you are doing great. You aren't letting the job take over your life and you care for her more than the job."

I nodded and agreed with him. "I don't just care for her more than the job Antonio, I love her with my entire heart. And I care for her health and well-being first and foremost. I am just looking for advice from someone who...how can I say this the right way?" Antonio then laughed because he knew where this was going. "From a guy who put work before his failed first marriage? You want my advice from my past in advance to try and apply it to your current situation?" I nodded and agreed. "Yeah, you of all people understand this scenario the most."

Antonio smiled when I said that. "Honestly man, one thing that I know I did wrong in my last marriage was that I worked too much. So, you are already doing much better than me in that situation because you are working less than your usual hours. You are actually asking your boss for time off to help Gabby during her hard times. And you are also talking to other people who can help get you through these hard situations, I don't think I ever could've done that. Then I would've had to admit that there we problems in our marriage."

I sighed. "Do you think we have problems in our marriage?" Antonio nodded. "Dude, what couple doesn't have fights once and a while? We all know that you guys have the perfect marriage on the outside but...there's something there. And it's even more true with you guys. You must have some regrets from your previous marriage that are now surfacing in your current marriage. I know that applies to me. I am trying not to screw up with Sylvie the way I screwed up with Laura. But for you, it's more complicated because you re-married my sister."

I nodded and agreed with him. "It's not just that Antonio. We have much more at stake this time. Sure, we had Louie to start our last marriage but...we never had kids when stuff started to go bad last time around. And now, I am scared that I am going to work too much and cause her to pull away like she did last time. I'm sorry I never told you the truth about what was happening. It's just, she's your sister and I didn't want to paint a bad picture for you. It's hard when it comes to your relationship between me and you. Add in Gabby and it's even more complicated."

Antonio understood exactly what I meant by that. "And I am also your co-worker at times. So, that makes it even harder." I laughed and nodded. "Yeah, nothing like mixing family and work. About that, I want to tell you this. I know Gabby told you that she was the one that made the decision to not work but...I want to tell you the truth that I am really happy she decided not to work. Her head isn't there yet and she just has so much on her plate. We both do. I am not sure whether I would be comfortable with her working at the firehouse."

Antonio nodded. "Honestly, me neither. And it's for another reason. Right now, I do not think her head is in a space where she is fit to serve at the firehouse. She's been through so much in the past 18 months that...she just isn't in the right mindset to work on ambulance. Heck sometimes I wonder whether it is even a good idea for her to visit the firehouse. It must be hard on her at times no? To visit the place where she has a whole much of people whom you have lost in the past couple years? Shay? Ottis? And now, Boden?"

I bit my lip when he said that because I hadn't even thought about that. "Honestly, I hate to say this...I really do. I hadn't even thought about that aspect. I just thought about the positive part. She said that her going to the firehouse helps her grieve. I also did it for selfish reasons too. And this is where I need to enforce that no judgement and defending of Gabby okay? Remember, I am talking to you because I need to get this out." Antonio nodded when I said that.

Taking a deep breath, I then told him the honest truth. "There are at times during the day where...if she would have been home with the kids, I would've been really worried and really have doubts when it comes to you know..." Antonio sighed when I said that. "God, this is going to be a hard topic to cover." I nodded. "Antonio listen, I am only worried because I love her. And it's also because I am still learning about her mental health issues. They weren't this bad in Puerto Rico. That's why I am thinking about quitting. I can see what being here is doing to her."

Antonio then got worried. "It's that bad isn't it?" I sighed and nodded. "Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night because I think I heard her crying and she is. I hold her for a minute before she wakes up and she goes back to sleep. I just don't know what to do. I can't make her do anything...we both know that. Yet she is not going to want to do something unless I tell her my concerns. That would make her get worried and make things worse. So, I am literally in this gray area where everything is just such a mess that any solution can make stuff so much worse."