Rengoku x Reader

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Thanks @ItsKaiden for the request!
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Rengoku POV

Walking around the headquarters, I acted as if I was doing so out of boredom but the truth was I was secretly looking for my lover.  Y/n was usually out this time of day so it wouldn't be unusual to find him strolling around somewhere.  I didn't want to bother him and was desperately hoping to "accidentally" bump into him if he turned up anywhere. 
    
When I came close to the Butterfly Estate, I noticed two familiar figures as I smiled warmly.  Y/n stood chatting with Shinobu as she seemed overwhelmed and stressed.  Y/n nodded along with a patient expression that would put anyone at ease.  He was great at calming anyone down, even Sanemi when his anger flared up.  It was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. 
    
Another was the unconditional kindness he held for everyone.  Even now he seemed to be offering advice to the insect Hashira that made her visibly relax.  I watched from afar as she started to breathe deeply as y/n seemingly guided her through it.  When she smiled softly, so did he before he pulled her in for a friendly hug that she clearly enjoyed. 
    
I never felt jealousy whenever others became happy around y/n.  He naturally had charisma and some sort of calming aura that would make anyone feel better.  If someone didn't, it would only make me suspicious.  There weren't any faults with my lover as far as I've seen. 
   
He was busy it seemed and so I continued along my way, somewhat disappointed but still joyful that he was helping a friend.  When he was done, I'd find him later to perhaps steal my own hug or two.  Maybe even a kiss.  The thought made me smile wider and my face warm up. 
    
My wistful expression didn't falter once, even after bumping into someone who quickly reached out to steady me before I hit the ground.  Blinking a couple times, I glanced up at the sound hashira to find him smirking knowingly. 
    
"I apologize for running into you Tengen," I bowed apologetically.  He only brushed it off with a chuckle before he guided me to stand up again.  He took the moment to glance over me as if looking for something that he obviously found as he raised an eyebrow. 
    
"Looking for y/n?  You look like a lovesick puppy dog," he chuckled softly.  I rolled my eyes at his dramatics even though that was half the truth.  I decided to continue strolling as Tengen fell in step with me as I assumed he would do. 
    
"I already saw him earlier with Miss Shinobu.  He seemed to be comforting her so I decided to be patient," I stated with a warm smile.  Tengen scoffed by my side, my head swiveling to look at him in shock.  No one ever insinuated any sort of displeasure towards y/n and yet the sound Tengen made seemed pretty close to mockery.  He noticed my stare and quickly cleared his throat. 
    
"Sorry, it's just he seemed to be quite furious this morning when I found him.  The guy is terrifying when he thinks no one's watching," Tengen cast me a wary glance.  His tone was sincere and made me shiver at the thought.  It seemed so ridiculous that the sweet, caring lover I know might have a different side to him altogether. 
    
"What was he like?" I whispered nervously, starting to fidget with my fingers.  Tengen noticed my rising stress as he stopped walking to grab my shoulders.  Facing him, I couldn't look him in the eyes as he sighed.  I couldn't help but be slightly embarrassed that I didn't know about a hidden side to my own lover and yet Tengen noticed.  It just couldn't be true though. 
    
"This might be something you talk to him about.  You don't need to look so anxious my friend, even with two faces he does seem to love you," Tengen smiled.  But I wasn't smiling anymore as my head was spinning.  Y/n being terrifying just didn't add up in my head.  He was the one who everyone went to when they were down or anxious.  He knew when someone wasn't feeling right just by the way they spoke or even walked.  Could he really be a whole different person behind closed doors when no one was watching? 
    
"Hey guys!  Kyojuro, I was looking for you," a familiar voice called out cheerily but it only sent chills down my spine.  Guilt welled in my chest at my reaction before I managed a small smile.  Turning toward y/n, I glimpsed a small flash of fear in Tengen's eyes before he also smiled to hide his nerves. 
    
"I've been here, just strolling around.  I didn't want to interrupt Shinobu and you," I gulped down the shakiness in my voice.  Y/n perked up at my discomfort as he tilted his head, glancing between Tengen and I.  Nothing got by him and while I saw it as a kind skill beforehand, it now felt like a predator assessing its prey. 
    
"I was going to see if you wanted to stay at my estate tonight.  I figured we could use some time together since we haven't seen each other as much lately," he offered with a warm smile despite the look of concern in his eyes.  Inhaling deeply, I steeled my nerves.  This was still my same lover who was kind and gentle, a shoulder to cry on for anyone and an enemy of no one.  Tengen must've been mistaken. 
    
"I'd love to!  Shall we head there now?" I questioned, moving closer to y/n to grab his arm affectionately.  The fabric of his haori was cold to the touch and I tried to ignore my wavering resolve and the way Tengen wouldn't rip his stare away from y/n in the same way a rabbit would freeze in the presence of a fox. 
    
"Of course!  Have a nice evening Tengen!  We should talk sometime," y/n waved with a smile.  It wasn't threatening in any way as I tried to relax.  Y/n was still who I thought he was, the same kind guy I fell in love with and entrusted my life to.  It would take more than a rumor to scare me away from him.

~~~

"Would you tell me if something was wrong?"  The walk to y/n's estate had been quiet and awkward as I couldn't find anything to say.  After he brought me inside, he lit a fire in the fireplace as we settled nearby to just watch the flames.  The shadows flickered in the sitting room but y/n's eyes were bright with the fire reflecting in them.  He didn't even glance at me. 
    
"Of course.  You're my lover and I should trust you with any of my secrets," he whispered quietly.  I could already see a switch in him as he didn't smile or have his usual cheery tone.  It all sounded fake and far away as if he wasn't here at all.  His wording was off as well, causing me to lean forward in my chair to look at him better. 
    
"Should trust me?  But you aren't, are you?" I pressed in a whisper.  Talking quietly seemed to be the proper way to discuss this as y/n shifted uncomfortably in his chair.  His expression remained blank but his eyes seemed to shimmer.  When I realized that it was tears in his eyes, I immediately regretted ever doubting him earlier.  He wasn't a monster like Tengen made him seem. 
    
"I've been lying to everyone for so long I don't know what it means to be truly sincere.  I trust you, I really do Kyojuro, but I'm not sure I can handle it if you left me over my secrets," he choked out, mouth abruptly snapping shut as he blinked harshly.  His hands were clenched in his lap, clearly as stressed as everyone who came to him were.  Whatever he was hiding was sitting heavy on his shoulders.  He was great at hiding it for so long but I wasn't going to let him hide again. 
    
"I would never leave you but Tengen told me that he caught you this morning doing something.  He said it was terrifying and that you were different when you thought no one was watching.  I need to know who you are whether you think you're alone or not," I calmly urged.  He seemed to tense up and even though I wasn't aware of all of his secrets that he's been hiding from me, I still got up to stand by him and rub his shoulders soothingly. 
    
"When I'm not helping others, I get aggressive and shut down.  It doesn't happen all the time but being relied on by so many people and expected to be cheerful and bright all the time wears down on me.  It has been for years to the point that I don't know what to feel most of the time," he whispered shakily.  It was the first time I've ever seen him look afraid.  "Tengen must've seen when I was trashing the garden earlier.  I couldn't stop myself until the damage was done and I felt horrible for it.  I'm so sorry Kyojuro."  I sank down then, wrapping my arms around him as he started to cry. 
    
"It's okay.  We'll find a way to ease your stress my love.  I would never leave you over this.  It only makes me want to stay close to you and hold you until you're better," I whispered into his ear, pressing kisses against his cheek and down his jaw as he trembled.  We could work this out together.  He would no longer have to hold everyone's stress for himself to carry.  I'd be there to hold him up until then.

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